D&D 5E Signs that you've been adventuring too long

[FuelDrop]

Be it through absurd displays of wealth, unmatchable power, or some other means, this is an evergrowing list of telltale signs that you may want to retire and let a younger generation of adventurers take over.

1. Your warhorse has Full Plate barding.
2. You take on dragons "to keep in practice"
3. The town's economy has collapsed due to the inflation of all the loot you bring home.
4. Your poker is a +3 sword.
5. You have a pit fiend bound by words of power to maintain your lawns and garden.

(add more, let's see how high we can get!)

 

[Lanliss]

This reminds me of the "you might be a redneck" jokes.

You might be a long time adventurer if

6. You have enough health to go lava snorkeling.

 

[pming]

Hiya!

7. You slay a vicious monster and find: 11,430cp, 8,300sp, 5,500ep, 3,230gp, 987pp, and a sack of gems worth 2,500gp...and you only take the gems because all of the parties bags of holding and portable holes are already full.

8. You are summoned to the despotic kings throne room, bedecked in the rotting corpses of his enemies, and he threatens you with three dozen heavily armed and armored knights, two pet ogres, and a dire wolf at his side...and your reaction is to giggle and say "Really? Are you sure you thought this through?".

^_^

Paul L. Ming

 

[BoldItalic]

9. Everywhere you go, you find temples dedicated to you.
10. You own all the guilds outright.
11. Even your boots have reached level 20.

 

[was]

12. You go to the massive armory in your newly renovated keep to equip your five level 1 proteges with +2 weapons and armor.

13. You no longer find collecting and carrying back the gold pieces from treasure hoards worth the effort.

 

[Valmarius]

14. Powerful demons keep attempting to summon and bind you. (Unsuccessfully).
15. You grant your god a portion of your power in the form of divine spells that can be cast a certain number of times per day.

 

[thalmin]

16. Entire pantheons want to fight you so they can all go up a level.

 

[dd.stevenson]

17. You find the prime material plane quaint.

 

[Umbran]

18) You use a 10' pole to probe your way to the outhouse at night.

 

[Cyan Wisp]

18. You have already brought peace and genocide of dozens of species to the land. You spend your mountainous hoard of gold on commissioning new dungeons to be built and populated by the experiments of crazed wizards (on staff) so you can still go on regular crawls.

19. Your depredations on the land have caused huge eco-system collapses. Some organisations have sprung up to raise awareness of the calamity (such as the S.P.M.G - Society for the Prevention of Monster species Genocide) and you are their main boogieman.

20. Your daily apparel sports more antiquities and rare artifacts than entire museums.

21. Someone casting detect magic on you suffers severe brain burn and may begin smoking from the ears from overload.

22. You haven't walked anywhere for two years, even to the next room of your mansion. Just teleport!

23. Bards singing of your exploits need to sing for at least four whole days to tell the saga.

24. You have so many experience points that you have to stick your head in a sphere of annihilation each night to siphon them off.