Snarf's Magnificent Seven: Greatest Action Heroes

Ryujin

Legend
You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I Feel Lucky?'
Well, do ya, punk? Saying that about John Wick, the most powerful assassin and the baddest of the bad in the world, who would kill you with a library book or a pencil, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky?
Riddick:

 

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Snarf Zagyg

Notorious Liquefactionist

I mean ... if you've ever seen Vin Diesel in real life, you just can't take him seriously as an action star.

I once saw an interview when Vin was talking about how he looked up to Tom Cruise. "How awesome," I thought at the time, "he admires the acting and career of Tom Cruise."

Only later did the creeping horror sink in ... no. He meant he physically looked up to him.

;)
 


I'd say that if we're talking Arnold, I have no complaints about Conan the Barbarian getting listed. Conan the Barbarian is probably my favorite film of all time. It casts a long shadow of pop culture, and it was one of the two performances that made Arnold a star. But if we're disqualifying movies with super powers, Conan, containing shapeshifting, hypnotism, resurrection, ghosts/demons, would have to also be disqualified.

Instead, I'd have to go with John Matrix from Commando. It has some of Arnold's best one-liners, has classic action, and is soaked in the 80s. The more flippant attitude is what edges out Ben Richards and The Running Man (though I'd account that one the better movie).

Heck, I'd happily fill a top ten list with at least half of the entries belonging to Schwarzenegger (as an aside, he has a mailing list that goes out once a month that is well worth subscribing to).

Indiana Jones has to be on a top-ten western action heroes list, because he is the two-fisted distillation of so many classic pulp heroes and tropes.

Additionally, I'm going to include the following, which break one or more of the rules:

Ellen Ripley
Coffy
Imperator Furiosa
 

Ryujin

Legend
Instead, I'd have to go with John Matrix from Commando. It has some of Arnold's best one-liners, has classic action, and is soaked in the 80s. The more flippant attitude is what edges out Ben Richards and The Running Man (though I'd account that one the better movie).

I would call this quite probably the single best one-liner of all the '80s action movies (@2:00).

 

embee

Lawyer by day. Rules lawyer by night.
"Blondie" (Clint Eastwood)

Franchise: The Man With No Name Trilogy

Best Movie: All of them
Worst Movie: None

Reason: Because Sergio Leone defined a genre. Because an Italian western that adapted a Japanese samurai movie is arguably the genre's high point. Because of Ennio Goddamn Morricone's inimitable and eternal score. And because the greatest showdown in all of movie history took place in a stone circle in a cemetery.

There are two kinds of people, my friends: those with loaded guns and those who dig. Clint Eastwood doesn't dig.
 


Gradine

The Elephant in the Room (she/they)
So there's definitely a "no superhero" rule, but what about people who are clearly augmented humans? Alice from the Resident Evil Franchise qualifies. Neo too, technically; by the end of their respective franchises they're basically Goku, who is often listed on similar power tiers as Superman.

Immortality is also a question; does The Highlander qualify? The Old Guard is getting a sequel, so Charlize is finally get herself a franchise, but...

I also think the Franchise rule is a little weak. Sometimes films don't need sequels. Some characters are made worse by their sequels. Snake Pliskin, looking at you. Also: Conan.

BTW, The Rock's franchise is the Jumanji sequels. Speaking of movies that neither needed nor wanted a follow-up... (talking about the second one, Welcome to the Jungle was sick)

I also think being genre snobby is a bad choice. Action-comedies and action-horror movies are still action movies.

Also setting aside the "single character per actor" rule, the definitive list:

  1. Snake Pliskin
  2. Jack Burton
  3. Colonel Jack O'Neill
  4. R.J. MacReady
  5. Captain Ron
  6. Wyatt Earp (Tombstone)
  7. Lt. Gabriel "Gabe" Cash
Honorable Mention: Santa Claus (the one that f***s)
 



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