Snarf's Magnificent Seven: Greatest Action Heroes

[Snarf Zagyg]

Honorable Mention: Santa Claus (the one that f***s)

I refuse to include any action stars that have seen me naked.

 

[Ryujin]

So there's definitely a "no superhero" rule, but what about people who are clearly augmented humans? Alice from the Resident Evil Franchise qualifies. Neo too, technically; by the end of their respective franchises they're basically Goku, who is often listed on similar power tiers as Superman.

Immortality is also a question; does The Highlander qualify? The Old Guard is getting a sequel, so Charlize is finally get herself a franchise, but...

I also think the Franchise rule is a little weak. Sometimes films don't need sequels. Some characters are made worse by their sequels. Snake Pliskin, looking at you. Also: Conan.

BTW, The Rock's franchise is the Jumanji sequels. Speaking of movies that neither needed nor wanted a follow-up... (talking about the second one, Welcome to the Jungle was sick)

I also think being genre snobby is a bad choice. Action-comedies and action-horror movies are still action movies.

Also setting aside the "single character per actor" rule, the definitive list:

1. Snake Pliskin
2. Jack Burton
3. Colonel Jack O'Neill
4. R.J. MacReady
5. Captain Ron
6. Wyatt Earp (Tombstone)
7. Lt. Gabriel "Gabe" Cash

Honorable Mention: Santa Claus (the one that f***s)

8: Todd 3465 ("Soldier") - "What are you going to do?" "I'm going to kill them all, Sir."

 

[Ryujin]

Yes! That actor, David Patrick Kelly, would go on to play T-Bird in The Crow, no less.

I think that he started his carrier as Luther in the cult classic film "The Warriors."

"Waaaarriors.... Come out to PLAY-ay!"

Can you dig it?!

 

[Ralif Redhammer]

That's right! The dude is definitely a cinematic sleazeball MVP.

I think that he started his carrier as Luther in the cult classic film "The Warriors."

"Waaaarriors.... Come out to PLAY-ay!"

Can you dig it?!

 

[payn]

That's right! The dude is definitely a cinematic sleazeball MVP.

Anybody remember Dreamscape?

 

[Richards]

I have to admit, I'm kind of bummed that the rules prevent Toshiro Mifune's character from Yojimbo and Sanjuro from even being being considered. And likewise for Shintaro Katsu's blind swordsman Zatoichi.

Johnathan

 

[MGibster]

Why the franchise requirement? It seems odd that Arnold Schwarzenegger only barely makes the list on the technicality that Conan was in two movies. He had a lot of great action movies in the 80s including playing Dutch in Predator.

 

[MGibster]

Anybody remember Dreamscape?

Yeah, for a PG-13 movie it had a startling topless scene. It was a pretty good flick.

 

[Ryujin]

I have to admit, I'm kind of bummed that the rules prevent Toshiro Mifune's character from Yojimbo and Sanjuro from even being being considered. And likewise for Shintaro Katsu's blind swordsman Zatoichi.

Johnathan

Or Itto Ogami from the SIX "Lone Wolf and Cub" movies, for that matter.

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

Why the franchise requirement? It seems odd that Arnold Schwarzenegger only barely makes the list on the technicality that Conan was in two movies. He had a lot of great action movies in the 80s including playing Dutch in Predator.

There are two reasons-

1. It's easier. There are 8,987,345,843 great action characters in movies (numbers are both approximate and accurate). Without rules and criteria to narrow down the field, we'd get into endless debates about which of the seven dwarfs was muy macho (trick question- it's Doc).

2. This is a "hall of fame" category for action heroes in movies; not just action characters in movies, and not just actors who appear in action movies. Which is oddly specific- just like I like 'em!

More to the point, truly great action heroes have franchises. We know this to be true! You know this to be true. Now that I've said that, it's like Vader and Luke, isn't it? Search your feelings- you know it to be true. Because we're not talking about great movies, or art, or even impeccable action sequences- we are discussing those action heroes that demanded to be seen over and over again, often past the point that they should have been seen. An action hero without a franchise is like a pencil without a lead- pointless.

If anything, Arnold is the (almost) exception that proves the rule. Because Arnold, in the 80s, was the franchise! I love Arnold as much as, if not more, than the next person, but think of his great string of movies/franchises from the 80s through the 90s- Conans, Commando, Predator, Running Man, Total Recall, Predator, Terminators, True Lies. That's a murderer's row- but people went to see Arnold because he was Arnold, not because of the subtle distinctions between his characters in Predator and Commando, or Running Man and Total Recall.

Luckily, we don't have to struggle with it because Arnold was in franchises- including the qualifying Conan.


Finally, that's part of the fun of working with rules. You get to really examine certain things; for example, Clint Eastwood couldn't qualify for his "Man With No Name" roles because those weren't Hollywood productions- there is a reason they are called spaghetti westerns. I ended up not picking James Bond because I felt that the franchise overwhelmed any particular actor's rendition (although I was sorely tempted to take Sean Connery). And so on.

The one thing you can always guarantee here?
1. If you post a poll, people will argue with whatever the poll categories are. "You can't put me in your box!'
2. If you list categories for selection (like this) at least half the comments will reject them.

It's almost like D&D and TTRPGs are filled with rules lawyers, or something.