D&D 5E So long and thanks for all the fish!

[rgoodbb]

C'mon....C'mon....Try me....I dare you. Bar De-Door silently urged.

Throg 2, looking for some lemoncake to augment his drink went searching behind the bar and opened the cellar door. A whoosh of air entered the room and Jak's wife and child gulped in deep breaths and were saved from an airtight trap.

"Damnit!" cried De-Door. What is happening here? My plan was over-proof"

"But not Do-it-over-proof" Announced Spiton the Bard flamboyantly as he flamboyantly glided across the room, followed by the flamboyant music of Selestine, his flamboyant steel drum.

Gildan the small smiled into his 3-pinter flagon of delirium brandy. "Show's over De-Door. Show's over."

Just then the travelling fish merchant, who had finished business in the bar turned to leave.....

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

"Oh, carp!"

 

[Craig Fox]

Look away, quick! Before you read it!

The Two's whiskers twitched. "Hey, what's that?" he wondered aloud, going to have a closer look.

"Looks like a book ... much smaller than they usually are." said 4T. "Let's have a gander at the title - it's written by Sun Tzu."

"The Art of War?"

"No, Kung Fu For Mice." The Two and 4T looked at each other and shrugged. "I guess that's one of his lesser known works." said The Two.
"Should we read it? It seems, how can I say, not entirely coincidental that we stumbled across this." 4T mused.
"Yes, if we run into trouble, we'll be sorry if it turns out that we need kung fu and neglected the opportunity to learn it." The Two nosed the cover open, displaying an ancient illustration of a stern-looking mouse in a fighting stance. "Let's get started."

A while later, the two mice stood breathing hard, sweat pouring down their flanks. "This is tough, but we're so much better than when we started." gasped 4T.
"Right you are." replied The Two, waiting for his heart to slow a bit. Every muscle ached. "What belt do you reckon we are now?"
"According to those diagrams on Page 128, I think we'd be about orange by now."
"Well then" said The Two. "I guess we should find some belts to wear then."
"But mice don't wear belts." said 4T. "Anyway, what about that old saying 'Karate here (pointing to head with paw), karate here (pointing to chest), karate not here (pointing to hips).' Different martial art, universal sentiment."
"I understand that" said The Two "but if enemies see us mice and can tell that we know kung fu, they're less likely to cause trouble."
"OK." sighed 4T. "Let me see what I can find."

A short time later, 4T returned with a box of crayons. "Here you go." she said. "Take the orange crayon, and draw a line across my back, just in front of the hips. Then I'll do the same for you." This was duly performed, and the mice were now clearly marked as orange-belt kung fu adepts.
"I feel so much more confident now." declared The Two. Then a look of doubt crossed his whiskered face. "If we meet a brown mouse, how do we know whether he's really good at kung fu or not?"
4T shrugged. "I say we just be nice to them." she replied.

 

[BoldItalic]

I strongly refuse to read through several pages of nonsense, however fun it might kind of be...

You know, I've just re-read the first 17 pages of this thread and it's quite amazing the way people's posts there foreshadowed so much of what was to come later. There are subtle references to all kinds of ideas that were not going to have been seen again for maybe hundreds of posts, and yet there they are, right there. It's uncanny. It's as if people are psychic and that's kind of scary. How could you possibly have already known, in post #135, the precise colour of pink that I would be quoting, three weeks later? Out of all the possible shades of pink, you already knew exactly which one? Is it some kind of conjuring trick, or are you truly prescient? I am in awe.

Am I the only one here, who has no idea what is going to happen next? Are you all gods, toying with me? Have you all decided what I'm going to be posting for, maybe hundreds more pages, and you just haven't told me? Do I have no free will at all? Is this whole thread stuck in a time loop? Is there no escape? If I break free from the shackles and flounce out of the thread to assert my humanity, will that have been preordained anyway? I don't know what to do ...

*rolls d%*
*gets 84*
*looks up table*
*table entry 84: a bar of soap*
*sobs quietly*

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Clearly, SOMEone is using a T.A.R.D.I.S.*



* Thread And Really Dorky Intense Silliness

 

[BoldItalic]

Satisfied with his Belt of The Crayon, The Two's thoughts turned to that evening's D&D session. After the recent disastrous TPK, they would all be rolling up new characters. "Have you thought what class you want to play this time?" he asked 4T.

"I was thinking Cleric, or maybe Druid," she replied, "with a quirk. She squeaks in old-fashioned words, like thou and spake. What do you think?"

"Sounds good. I might go for barbarian with a silly name like Throg. What will you call yours?"

"Hermione. After that impossible girl in the Furry Potter stories."

 

[Lanefan]

And about now The Two noticed something.

"4T - are you absolutely sure this is an orange belt you put on me?"

"I think so, but now you mention it, it does look kinda grayish."

"Gray belt? How good does that make us?" The Two dove back in to Kung Fu For Mice and frantically tried to find any references to a Gray Belt...and eventually came to realize that while the various belts all had colourful...some might even say flamboyant...names, most of 'em really did look like varying shades of gray in the drawings.

"The words say colours but the drawings are all 50 shades of gray" The Two reported after a moment. Then an idea struck: "Here, give me that box of crayons again!" The Two pulled out one of several dozen mostly-gray crayons and wrote the word ORANGE in big letters just above 4T's belt, then drew a couple of arrows pointing from the belt to the word. "Now you do the same for me, and we're all set!"; and 4T dutifully did.

"Now, where did I put our dice?" asked 4T as The Two pulled out pencils and blank character sheets.......




p.s. mice are mostly colour-blind...

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

At that point, Steve threw his crumpled napkin at Marco, narrowly missing him with the pizza sauce-stained projectile.

"Dude, WTF. I mean, you're running Mouse Guard RPG to do a Douglas Adams themed game with a recursive D&D game-within-a-game subplot? Why? Because MICE?"

"Chill, homie! Trust me, you're going to dig this." Marco replied.

"You said that last time when you used Toon to run a game in the Hellraiser universe, and before that, Talislanta to run Elfquest. Talislanta. To. Run. ELFQUEST!!!"

"And before that, a Robotech game in which the characters were all toy mecha a la Toy
Story." chimed in Lisa.

"Actually," said Steve, "that one was pretty cool." The other players nodded and grumbled in agreement.

"And this will be cooler than that. You know why? Because..."

 

[BoldItalic]

I say, I say, I say, Spiton, what's your favourite Oxford tavern?

What's my favourite Oxford tavern?

What's your favourite Oxford tavern?

The Bard and Baby.

Is that an inn joke?

BoBoom!

---

Trainger ...

Sorry, Sir.

Take a hundred lines, boy. "Puer sed non puerilis".

Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.

It may have to be Balliol, Trainger.

Please, Sir! No, Sir! Not Balliol, Sir!

Just think about it, boy.

Yes, Sir. Sorry, Sir.

 

[BoldItalic]

"And this will be cooler than that. You know why? Because..."

... because fish jokes?

Look, can we just get on with this game? Make a damage roll. That's a six-sided dace.

I can do worse than that ...