So my fiance left me what do I now?

[Sid Vicious]

I know it probably says something about me that I'm asking a D&D forum this but I trust you guys and you probably have more life experience then 21 year me does. So what do I do? I honestly thought we'd get married and now she's gone. The worst part she still wants to be friends.

 

[frankthedm]

Post removed by Admin. Frank, check your PMs. ~ PCat

 

[TarionzCousin]

Don't date anyone for at least a year. Take time off from your love life and do something else, like more gaming. Seriously: nothing will help the way you feel except time.

 

[Wik]

Not to be a dink here, but, um... talk to people that aren't on a message board? I mean, this is your second post, which suggests that this isn't a support group you've built up over time.

Or to put it another way - if you're looking for a support group (and there's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that, and I'm glad I had some support when I went through the same thing about a year ago), there are better places to go to than an online gaming forum that you've had very little contact with.

 

[Sid Vicious]

I've actually been here awhile. My old username was Warlord but I lost the password and e-mail address for that account. Any idea where to find this support you mentioned?

 

[Piratecat]

I'm so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts. There's going to be an actual mourning period; work through it, lean on your friends, and work to understand why it happened. There's no "being friends," though. If there's going to be a break, make it a clean one.

On a separate note, please send me a PM if you want access to your old user name back. I'll take care of it for you.

 

[Mark]

I know it probably says something about me that I'm asking a D&D forum this but I trust you guys and you probably have more life experience then 21 year me does.

It says that your taste in games is excellent and you are smart enough to network among people with which you share some common interests when you get in a situation where you need advice. From my experience, that tells me that you are pretty smart and are a survivor of life's misfortunes. I've been through a similar situation and all I can tell you is that you will be fine but that it might take a while. Keep strong and try to spend time with good friends (or make some new ones) and that time will be shorter.

 

[Umbran]

Ouch.

What do you do? For the moment, you hurt. You mourn, even sulk. That's natural and healthy and trying to do otherwise will probably be worse for you than being hurt and sad. You talk to friends. Or just hang out with them. Continue to be part of the world. Time will work out the rest.

I'll differ with the others slightly - there's no being friends for now. Right now, being around her is apt to be rather like being poked with hot pointy things, rubbing salt in wounds. Don't do that to yourself.

Later? Well, that depends on the people, and the details of the breakup. Maybe with time (and I'm talking a year or more), you can forge a new friendship. But now there's probably too much other stuff going on.

You may not be her friend, but you aren't her enemy. If there's one thing that makes breakups bad is lashing out in pain, and making your friends take sides. Whatever you do, don't do that.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

I'm with Umbran. You can't be friends right now. Kindly ask her to respect your need to distance yourself from her for a while. You'll have a hard time moving on if you stay in close touch with her.

I went through something similar at age 21 (we weren't engaged, but had been discussing marriage), and it was made more difficult that I was really good friends with her brother, who was part of my gaming group. It took me a while to go through the classic stages of grief for our relationship. When I got to the anger phase, I kept it private so as to not screw up my friendship with her brother.

About a year later I had moved on, met someone amazing, and got married. My ex-girlfriend had also since married someone (whom she had been seeing while we were going out, but I won't go into that). A year after that when my friend, her brother, got married, we of course met again at the wedding - hard to avoid the sister of the groom when you are in the wedding party. It was a little awkward at first, but eventually we found we were able to reestablish some of the comfort we had together. It helped that her husband proved to be a great person, and that I was no longer pining for her since I had met what really turned out to be the woman of my dreams.

Give it time. It will suck for a while, but you will get through it. Take the opportunity to spend more time with other friends. Don't be actively looking for the next woman for a while, but at the same time be open to it in case she happens to be sitting nearby and asks you for directions.

 

[Pbartender]

"This world is your world. Take it easy... but take it!" - Woody Guthrie