Heh.
Being the Log of Terija the Wise, an Attempt to Discover the Formula of Eternal Youth
Tests performed by Elminster, assistant to Terija the Wise
Trial 309
One pinch powdered chimera brain
two pints virgin's tears
mix under the light of a waxing moon, stirring sunwise twice and widdershins thrice.
Result: explosion, serious burns to face, lacerations of hand holding alembic
Trial 450
three ounces of basilisk spleen
one elder black dragon testicle
three drops basilisk spinal fluid
Result: explosion, assistant frozen in mile high block of ice for one week, melted him out to clean up the mess
Trial 872
one whole, live cockatrice pewmet
seven hook horror hooks
feed hooks to cockatrice, put into a sack, wait
Result: explosion, sever acid damage to apprentice, was forced to squeegee him off floor and reconstitute; docked him several months pay for inconvenience
Trial 1928
one mummy tongue
one succubus nipple [note: very fun to obtain]
three ettin skulls
grind all ingredients to paste, smear on penSCREW THIS! AND SCREW YOU, TERIJA! I'M JOINING THE HARPERS!