Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Peni Griffin]

A modern supernatural game. The setting, a regional shopping mall after hours. The characters are investigating mysterious phenomena and have not been too scrupulous about laws concerning deadly weapons. That they were in Texas and still violated several tells you something.

So, dimensional rift opens up in the middle of the food court. Nobody knows what's on the other side, but everybody is pretty sure it's evil. Michael uncorks a hand grenade, tosses it in, awaits result. Hand grenade comes right back out and lands at his feet.

"Okay," says Michael. "I put the pin back in."

Time freeze for argument during which multiple ex-servicemen explain to him exactly why this won't work. He insists that it ought to be possible and refuses to change his action. Game resumes with Michael's character trying vainly to put the pin back while everyone else runs like blazes, saving themselves.

And the moral of this story, boys and girls, is that if you don't know how it works, don't equip yourself with it.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

And the moral of this story

"If you pull the pin out of Mister Hand Grenade, he's no longer your friend, AND NEVER WILL BE!"

 

[Slife]

The group involved in this one included a fighter who was, well, "gifted". The player was actually playing the character like this on purpose, since he typically played the comic relief for the group, though in this instance he was the one who messed up.

This party had just entered a cavern that the DM had described as " an expansive, open-ceilinged cavern", and had spotted it's occupant: an adult red dragon, one that was clearly not happy to see them. The players, who were all around 5th level at the time, were supposed to have ended up doing a quest for him. That's when this player had a bright idea...

Player: Hey, how big is the tunnel we came in through?
DM: About 4' wide by 8' high.
Player: Are there any other exits in this cavern?
DM: No. Why?
Player (smiling): Alright, I draw my sword.
DM and other players: WHAT?
Player: There's no way an adult red dragon could have fit through that tunnel. It has to be an illusion!
DM (motioning for the others to be quiet): So why are you drawing your sword?
Player: If I take a swing at it, it should dispel the illusion.
DM: Okay, you draw your sword. (trying to give the player a subtle hint) You idly notice raindrops bouncing off of the blade.
Player (apparenly not getting it): Alright, now I rush at it!
DM (shrugs): Okay, you rush at the illusionary dragon, which swings an illusionary claw at you and illusionarily rips your head off. Your character sheet, please.
Player: WHAT? That can't happen! It was an illusion! There was NO WAY he could fit in here.
DM: Sure there is. He came in from above.
Player: Above?
DM: Yes, above. I told you it was an open-ceilinged cavern, right?
Player (after a long pause): It was?
DM (while the others nod their heads): Yep.
Player: Nooooo....

The dragon ended up letting the others go, since it was still laughing too hard to do anything else with them.

Reading that through quickly, I didn't notice that it was open to the air.

Although that wouldn't be much of a cave, really. More of a crater or crevasse

 

[boolean]

Yeah, the dialogue should have been:
Player: Hey, how big is the tunnel we came in through?
DM: About 4' wide by 8' high.
Player: Are there any other exits in this cavern?
DM: Yes, as I said, the cavern is open to the sky.

Your statement that there were no other exits was misleading.

It was still a dumb thing for the player to do. There's lots of different ways for the dragon to get into and out of the room. Magic to make it easier to fit through the passage (reduce, polymorph, gaseous form), magic to create a different entrance (passwall, disintegrate+wall of stone), teleportation, or simply an illusionary wall covering the main entrance.

 

[Lalalei2001]

This is a story about one user (me) who did something (very) stupid in NWN (good game, stupid player).

I was in Chapter 2, raiding a dungeon (don't remember if it was the Creator Ruins, or the Wizard's Tomb), and eventually, I came upon a room where a bunch of Flesh Golems came out from behind metal doors. I beat up on them, then had to rest to renew my spells.

Unfortuately, there were a lot of enemies nearby (there was a gap between us, however), and I had problems finding a place to rest. I got so frustrated that I ran into one of the rooms that the Golems had been in, and (foolishly) closed the door. Which locked behind me. With the lever on the other side.

However, I didn't realize this at first. Imagine my surprise when (after resting) I found the door to be locked. Now imagine how stupid I felt when I realized that the door couldn't be picked, or destroyed. I was really worried now. It had been a long time since I had saved, and I didn't really want to undo all that I had done.

So (hoping for a miracle), I used the Stone of Recall, then stepped into the portal, only to find myself (surprisingly enough) at the exact same spot where I had started. Now I was really annoyed: not only was I still stuck, but I had wasted 100 gp just so that I could see I was stuck!

I finally resigned to the inevitable: I used the Stone of Recall to get back to the temple, then had to trek all the way back to where the Golems first attacked.

Moral of the story: Save often, and if there is a lever, assume that it means that the doors can't be opened any other way.

 

[Kelek72]

I've always found it best as DM to let bad choices made on obvious mis-communications or non-listening players to be redone as long as they are caught immediately. How many times can someone hear "I wouldn't have done that if you said the vortex was six inches from my head!" before they stop having fun?

It always upsets me when I hear the tales of players who, with no warning, touch the all-mighty and unlabeled death object only to be instantly smited. I try to make a good story into a memorable and ENJOYABLE moment at the game table.

That said, most of the stories here are awesome!

 

[HDTVDinner]

Trying to communicate with a demon using "the universal language of mathematics".

Demiurge out.

Thanks for the inspiration!


Universal Language of Mathematics.

 

[Lalalei2001]

The PCs were playing a group of supervillains, and they'd come to the compound of a superpowered columbian drug baron to kill him. They knew he was too tough to take on if he saw the attack coming, so they posed as well-wishers and potential allies, did up really good fake backgrounds, even had one of the PCs go undercover for a while to set it up.

The plan was to get in good with him without displaying their powers, and then attack him with them after they had put him at ease, when he thought they were unarmed.

They did all that well enough, did some good roleplaying and were almost at the point where they were ready to take him down, after a week of hanging out with him and even doing a minor mission for him without using their powers. One player however had grown to loathe the drug baron's pet- a monkey he let have the run of the house, who was always up to some mischief at the expense of the PCs.

The drug baron adored his pet, but this guy really hated it so just before they were planning to attack him this one PC heads off the find the monkey and kill it, thinking that the guy won't find out in the short time before the party launches the suprise attack on him.

So anyway, I state to everyone that the guy is relaxing out by the pool, and his pet monkey is hanging around in his favorite room, wich is right next to the pool area. The PC with a grudge heads off to that 'favorite room', completly forgetting what it is, since i've described it several times and was at that very moment referring to it as the 'arboritum'.

When he gets there I tell him that he sees the monkey, playing in the humidity amongst the plants... he still doesn't get it. He asks if the drug baron is still out by the pool, and I say yes, you can see him sitting there on a deck chair. . .

He still doesn't get it. So while the others are getting ready in one of the upstairs rooms ovelooking the pool area, he chases the monkey around the 'room' and finally grabs it, at which point he starts swinging the poor thing around by its tail, knocking over plants and so on as he does.

I mention to him that if he swings it around too hard he might accidentally break one of the walls, but he doesn't catch on at all, and just says that he'll stay in the middle of the room.

The other PCs in the upstairs room with a view of the pool area, can of course SEE their fellow PC, as he capers about inside the drug baron's GREENHOUSE, wich has SEE-THROUGH GLASS WALLS.

They have just enough time to wince and slap themself on the forehead before the drug baron hears a thump from inside his greenhouse, turns to look at it, and sees one of the PCs inside, gleefully flinging his beloved monkey about the place. That's when it got ugly.

 

[Ed_Laprade]

Yet again, we have the GM assuming that the player will connect the dots. The GM flat out refuses to tell the player that he's in a greenhouse with glass walls. When something like that is happening don't hint, no matter how obvious it may be to you and everyone else at the table. The character can SEE what it is, so TELL the player! This may be a brain fart on the part of the player, but the stupid one, if you will, is the GM. (And yes, I've done that sort of thing myself. From both sides of the screen.)

 

[Lalalei2001]

Certain that his discipline of "Majesty" (a vampiric power preventing anyone from attacking you) would protect him from the six Assamites (vampire assassins) that were surrounding him, Lord Byrnn kicked their leader in the groin, forgetting that any aggression on his part would immediately nullify the effects of "Majesty."