Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Zamtap]

I've just seen something that I think qualifies in a vampire session

He as a physcologist already had the notion that these 2 NPC's were one vamp, any how they are suspossed to be twins

He'd been manipulated by one "twin" lets say "J" to throw a spanner in the others (lets call her "T") plan to get influnence and power.

He'd woken up in an unfamilar location in the underground system (rather than his nice haven) so he knew he was a target.

He gets a message setting up a meeting with "J" cause "T" has found out about last night's spanner and it's not at the elyssium.

she doesn't reply to the text suggesting meeting at elyssium.

The other players all have minor research projects at the elyssiun which doubles as a library

He went alone - got ambushed by 3 gangers with guns. (no flame rounds)

for the record the character made it out, by the skin of his teeth. To cover the draining of a mortal (done whilst in the throws of frenzie cause he'd used every point of blood to heal or boost an attribute) and thus a break in the maskerade he had to cause a fire to consume the bodies.

 

[Lord Ipplepop]

Friggin' mages

In our 1-3 level group... our mage, whilst the rest of us were involved in combat with 10 zombies, decided to cast "Identify" on some arrows the Dwarf fighter found the room before. The DM had it scheduled that 9 dire rats were to attack from behind during the melee... and the mage was in their way.

It actually seemed to take him by suprise that he would lose the spell after getting hit for 12 points of damage and failing his concentration check.

 

[Agent Oracle]

Really, Really old story.

Minotaur character, in a Spelljammer game. He happened to be a cleric of the goddess of luck, who had bestowed upon him the ability to change the outcome of any ill fortune once per day, by virtue of a coin flip. Heads: ill fortune was reversed, tails, ill fortune was magnified. Conversely, it could do the reverse for good fortune: good fortune magnified/good fortune reveresed. either way, he used it every session, and was fond of tempting fate.

So they were in the middle of a pirate raid, and he is fighting off an enemy while standing at the hatch of a ship. He rolls a 2, (not a fumble, just ill fortune). He decides to use his coinflip... It comes up tails. He fumbles. I offer him his choice, he can either take the fumble or make a saving throw. He chooses the saving throw. Rolls a (reflex) save, and fails. He tumbles backwards down the stairs and gets his horns lodged in the floorboards.

From the "I never thought it would happen" file.

Me: "You come over the ridge and see four orcs sitting around a campfire, from this range they probably can't see you, but roll a hide check to be sure

Them: (Rolls)

Me: (rolls) Well, if any of them do see you, they certainly don't seem to care. Anyhow, behind the foursome (and campfire) there is a large yurt covered in animal skins.

PC #1: "Woah, this is serious! okay everyone, ready?"

PC #2: "I've only got two "acid arrows" left, and i'm out of magic missile.

PC #3: "Don't worry, i'll cover you. Hey DM, can you describe them?"

Me: "Sure. The first pair of orcs are wearing some piecemeal leather armor, one has a shield and flail strapped to his back. The other has an axe he's working on at the fire. The third orc is eating, but he's probably got a sword of some sort nearby. The final orc is wearing a helmet with the antlers of a large stag on it. He seems to be a bit hunchbacked.

PC#3: "And the Yurt?"

Me: "Well, it's covered in animal skins, it looks comfortable?"

PC #3: "Gotcha. Okay, we have suprise this round. Lets take advantage of it. Target the big guy and drop him first, everybody ready?"

Me: "big guy?"

PC #1: "I have first initiative, i'm going to use my Mighty Composite Longbow to attack the Yurt!"

I had to stop them right there, and explain that a Yurt is a building.

THe Gazeebo incident ladies and gentlemen, recreated in my saturday night game.

 

[Lalalei2001]

I had to stop them right there, and explain that a Yurt is a building.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Okay, THAT wins the Funniest Award. Bacon's wins the Stupid Award.

 

[Lalalei2001]

In a titanic battle against a dragon, 2 mages (15 lvl each) and 1 fighter (18 lvl) died. The dragon was terribly wounded and it began to fly away. With thoughts of owning the ENTIRE hoard plus the experience, Charlie was desperate to kill it. He ripped out his crossbow, charged under the flying dragon and fired straight up at it's weaker underbelly, killing it in one shot! The dead dragon then fell on poor Charlie, crushing him.

His last words were "It's MINE! THE GOLD IS ALL MI--"

 

[Lalalei2001]

While visiting a temple in the town of Sarin, Alexia's companions, three halfling thieves, noticed a 2 ton black pearl that was part of the temple's statute of Ashra, the goddess of healing.
After successfully rolling to avoid notice, steal, and roll the pearl towards the stairs, one of them rolled a natural 20 and lost hold of the pearl. All three were quickly flattened by the massive pearl and Alexia was soon torn apart by an angry mob of worshippers.

 

[Meowzebub]

Way back when in 1st edition. The party had been cleaning out a complex of an evil organization, but they were frustrated to this point by the lack of treasure. They came across the bedchambers of the leader's concubine. Besides a few jewels there was a lot of nice clothes

Realizing the clothes might be valuable the party fighter (played as a barbarian) takes this plan of action.

Barbarian: I gather up all the clothes

Me: There are two closets full of just dresses

Barbarian: Thats OK I am really strong

Me: OK, its not so much as they weigh a lot but they are very bulky. Carrying just 20 dresses will not leave your hands free.

Barbarian: I have an idea


He rejoins the party, now wearing twenty of the dresses.

Barbarian: I dare any one of you to laugh!

They did as PCs and the players still laugh years later thinking about this.

 

[Lalalei2001]

Another character drove his pink caddy off a cliff and decided to use his rock-bottom level of skill in the Blink teleportation spell to get us out of it. The cliff was only 30 feet tall, but the car fell a total of 500 feet by the time we clubbed him to death.

 

[seskis281]

In a Kalamar capaign a PC who was playing a young Rogue, the night before the first adventure, decided he needed to ply his thief trade (remember he was only just rolled up at 1st level).

He went to the supply shop where the party had bought equipment. It was the middle of night. To my amazement he rolled a natural 20 and picked the lock, entered the store. I decided to add a "defense" that the shopkeeper kept, hoping to make the PC aware that he might be in over his head before gaining his first XP.

It went something like this:

Me: It's pitch black. You can't see a thing. Make a listen check.

PC: Pretty good (something like 15).

ME: Ok, there is mostly silence but you hear to your left what sounds like slight breathing or heavy purring.

PC: I'm gonna try and feel my way to the counter where the (objects he had seen but couldn't afford - can't remember what -where)

ME: Are you trying to move silently?

PC: Yes!

ME: Make a check.

PC: Damn. (Failed) Nevermind, I'll just find it as quick as I can.

ME: Make a dexterity check.

PC: Damn it! (Can't remember if it was a 1, 2, or 3 but it was low).

ME: You stumble in the darkness over some pick-axes and assorted digging supplies, making a terrible racket. To your left the breathing/purring stops and you hear heavy scratching noises and the sound of a chain against the floor.

PC: I freeze!

ME: After a moment you hear even heavier, cat-like breathing, more sounds of the chain moving, and the sounds start to move slowly towards you. It is still pitch black by the way.

PC: Damn it, I want that (whatever it was)! Ok, I get up and reach out, feeling towards the counter -

ME: (Sigh) Ok, you reach the counter. The sounds of breathing and chain seem to moving around behind where you were, between you and the door you entered from.

PC: Quick, I feel the objects around the counter.

ME: The counter is empty. The shopkeeper must have secured them for the night.

PC: Damn it! Can I make a check to see if I remember where the locked cabinets were?

ME: Uhm, by the way, the sounds behind you are almost on top of you. It is still pitch black.

PC: Oh yeah. Hey, I've got a torch and a tenderbox, I'll light the torch.

ME: Uhm... ok. You light the torch. Your facing the counter. You feel and hear heavy breathing directly behind you.

PC: I turn...

ME: Standing right before you, chained to a post in the corner, is the shopkeeper's guard cat - looks like he's got a mountain cat to deter unlawful "customers." It bares its teath and growls at you.

PC: I look around, before I run can I spot the cabinets...?

ME: Uh... (sighs) yeah, they're over to the right, on the North Wall opposite the door you came in.

PC: Very, very softly.... I'm going to walk to the cabinets....

ME: As you start to move the Cat attacks (surprise round - Cat rolls 16 or 17) - his right paw rips across your arm, tearing the skin you take (whatever it was) damage.

PC: Damn - Ok, I'll kill the stupid cat and THEN get what I came here for... I pull out my knife...

** Two rounds later the PC was dead. Remember, this was BEFORE the start of my actual campaign.

John Maddog Wright

 

[Lalalei2001]

Maxxis was hired to guard the visiting dictator of a nation. When the entourage was ambushed, he forgot his job description...and ducked behind the dignitary for cover. His employers showed their disapproval in gunshots.