Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Voadam]

Ok, I don't get it. Dwarves are supposed to be proud of their beards, so why is an opening gambit of complimenting the guard a negative? And if he's got a +20 why did he say anything? Just roll. (There, that ought to get a good Roll vs. Role flamewar going!)

Sounds like there is complementing and then there is hitting on. The dwarf might have taken that as an inappropriate "Hey sexy" type of comment. Unwanted sexual advances in the workplace from the party bard. Those +20 diplomacy guys think they can get away with anything.

 

[an_idol_mind]

While making a getaway from the city guards, one of the players had a great idea to drop the reins and jump off the horse. Then he tried to scale a building, which left him prone as the guards took potshots at him with a crossbow. To this day, I honestly don't know what he was trying to do.

I also had a recent session where the group went on a propaganda mission, putting posters all over the enemy's base. They happened on a cave full of basilisks, and one of the characters had the genius idea to put a poster ON a basilisk.

 

[Goldmoon]

Me DM'ing: You step through the door and onto a ledge hanging in mid air. In the distance you can see several "floating islands" looking down you see only clouds.

Player 1: Can I roll a Knowledge: the planes, to see if I recognize the palce?

ME: sure, go ahead.
*rolls a 17*

ME: you know that you are in the quazi-elemental plane of air.

Player 1: Quazi-elemental plane of air?

ME: Yes, you are essentally in the sky above what amounts to a huge flat ground. All life lives up here in the air.

Player 2: (obviously not paying attantion) *turns to the other characters* "Watch this" *looks at me* I step off.

ME: what?

Player 2: I step off.

ME off the cliff?

Player 2: Yes.




Um....splat. I thought I was going to die laughing.

 

[theemrys]

We had one YEARS ago... 1e days... the party was decending into the depths and encountered a lich. They fought hard and won, but were sealed in a cavern with no way out. The player who normally played the cleric wasn' t there (running late), so one of the other players was playing that character that day. Deciding they were out of options, they called out to St. Cuthburt for divine intervention.. I rolled and got the 1%... St. Cuthburt himself arrives to the summons. The party begs and pleads to be freed from the cavern and the deity grants it, but puts a geas on each of them to tithe 50% of what they get from the adventure to his church. At this point, the party dwarf comes forward. This dwarf had a bad habit of mocking and assaulting the cleric in the party. He steps up and states "While you're here, can you identify these potions for me?" There was silence around the table... In the end, I laid a BUNCH of geas and quests on him so he could serve the church for a LONG LONG time... When the player arrived who plays the cleric, the others started to fill him in... His first reaction was that they should have just stayed and died instead of bothering his God... he was mortified! Then... they told him about the dwarf. I thought I'd nearly have a fight between players on hand... It was quite the memorable experience.

 

[theemrys]

Here's another few from a group playing Shadowrun I ran...

First, on the first adventure the Former Company Woman ran up the stairs to attack... got hit by burst fire and was flatlining as she tumbled down the stairs. The mage healed her. She got up, ran back up the stairs... took another burst in the chest... fell back. This time, the mage just stablized her and left her there to conserve some energy... She was known as Flatline after that.

The better one though was the PCs planning to hit a compound. Now, all the players were students with me at a military school, so were all into the planning part of the runs. As they started planning they realized they didn't know how to get around the cameras around the facility, so put that aside and kept planning. 3 and a half hours later, they finished their plan. (One of the guys got board and started studying for his American History exam instead and decided his character would do the same... so spent some karma on getting a few points in it...) Finally, they started the run. They never did remember to go back and figure out the camera problem though, so 2.3 seconds into their run, the plan that took them 3 and half hours to make went out the window...

 

[Goldmoon]

Probably my signature character is an Elvin thief named Cossette. She's not too bright so I dont know if this counts.

We were adventuring in undermountain and got hit by a random teleport. We appear in the middle of what we would later refer to as "The great west-coast minotar conference". We were surrounded by about 200. Our leader, Thane, with great effort manages through gestures and noises to explain the the minotaur leader that we are friends and just want to pass through. All this time Cossette is on his arm tugging away "Thane, I speak minotaur, let me do it. Thane, are you listening? Thane...Thane....THANE I SPEAK MINOTAUR" Finally Thane (knowing full well what a ditz Cossette is says:" OK Cossette, repeat everything I say, EXACTLY as I say it" After several minutes of Cossette repeating everything back to Thane just as he said it she finally begins translation. She walks up th the Minotaur leader with an outstretched haand and, as loud as she can says " MOOOOOO!"
The result was new characters for all!

 

[SorvahrSpahr]

the party's ninja starts following the BBEG through the city, and finds out that he is headed for the city's castle. There was an autunm-welcome festival arriving, and preparations were beingin made. So, after the BBEG goes past the guards and starts walking up the road to the castle, the ninja decides to hide herself inside a barrel of wine. the wagon starts moving, and the barrel is dumped inside a room. she tries to open the lid, but something heavy is blocking it. she tries a strength check and gets out of the barrel and realizes she's in a dark room. after I told her SEVERAL times that she couldn't see anything in front of her, she decided to keep walking. so, after breaking some vases, kicking barrels, and tripping over a chest. the guard appears with several guards and get's her arrested.

 

[The Edge]

From one i played in.

Small vilage, monsters comeing from the river, the lvl party goes to sort it. Some creatures resembling aquatic dolphins are found and the rouge and ranger start takeing opportunistic shots at them. The monk decides he is more useful in melee, even if his opponents are in the river, so cannonballs in. Underwater he discovers a dozen or so critters that all try to pull him down.

Although he actually did amazeingly manage to survive, but only with the aid of the wizard (me) casting enlarge on him. It was an amuseing thing to imagine, a 12 foot monk thrashing around in the water. The ranger did have to pull him out unconcious by the end of it though.

 

[coyote6]

It's not really stupid, IMO, just absentminded:

A couple of weeks ago, the PCs are raiding the dark elven fortress Ul-Drakkan. At one point, the wizard tosses a cloudkill spell down a stairwell. The party goes on to explore the level they're on. A short while later (maybe 15-20 minutes in game, an hour or two in the real world), the party heads downstairs. I describe the room they enter, with the scattered & pain-twisted corpses of dark elves lying about.

Meanwhile, one player is looking at another, both of 'em with wondering looks on their faces, all, "Wow, what happened here! What killed 'em all?"

Beat.

"Oh, wait. We did."

(The players caught themselves, and they pointed out to the rest of us what they were thinking/muttering. Still, it was hilarious at the time.)

 

[FrostedMini1337]

Probably my signature character is an Elvin thief named Cossette. She's not too bright so I dont know if this counts.

We were adventuring in undermountain and got hit by a random teleport. We appear in the middle of what we would later refer to as "The great west-coast minotar conference". We were surrounded by about 200. Our leader, Thane, with great effort manages through gestures and noises to explain the the minotaur leader that we are friends and just want to pass through. All this time Cossette is on his arm tugging away "Thane, I speak minotaur, let me do it. Thane, are you listening? Thane...Thane....THANE I SPEAK MINOTAUR" Finally Thane (knowing full well what a ditz Cossette is says:" OK Cossette, repeat everything I say, EXACTLY as I say it" After several minutes of Cossette repeating everything back to Thane just as he said it she finally begins translation. She walks up th the Minotaur leader with an outstretched haand and, as loud as she can says " MOOOOOO!"
The result was new characters for all!

Hilarious. Best since "universal language of mathematics"