Stupidest things PCs/DMs have done

[Vague Jayhawk]

Dumbest thing I can think of right now is something I am doing with my current PC.

I created a rogue and I rolled a six for my wisdom.

I am going through the Worlds Largest Dungeon with this character. There are a lot of traps in it, and most are pretty obvious. My character has a 16 intellegence though. He usually knows a trap when he sees it. I don't expect this character to live long.


So the conversation usually goes something like this...

DM: You see a room with nothing but a big shiny diamond on a pedestal. What do you do?

Me: Hey look guys, it's a trap........................I wonder how it works?

 

[jeffh]

If you ever hear me say thoughtfully, "That's only three for each of us", by all that is holy, whatever I'm suggesting, don't do it.

 

[Evilhalfling]

One of my former players was always derailing my games, for what seemed like logical reasons.
He was a great role-player and the resulting changing situations frequently led to even better adventures than the ones I had planned.

He came to visit with some friends and I ran a short one shot game designed to be run in four hours or less.

About a hour after starting, the party had not yet managed to leave the town in pursuit of thieves. The thieves had broken into a temple vault, and a (reported) divination had confirmed the goods were on the main trade route heading west.

He comes up with this plan: (currently in sig.)

"We should break into the church [of merchants] Vault ourselves!" ........
"oh yeah, this is one of those derailing the campaign moments isn't it ?"

 

[Lalalei2001]

Trying desperately to flee from several hungry ghouls, Mike decided to run away "top speed" and jump through a nearby window.

Too bad he forgot about the tight iron bars on the outside part of the window... We found some bits and pieces later.

 

[Lalalei2001]

My cousin tried to metamorph into a fire elemantal but rolled a 20 and became it permanently. That is all fine and good but we were in a very very gasous swamp and he had forgotten that.

BOOOM! No more party.

 

[STARP_Social_Officer]

This is a lesson for arrogant PCs (and players)

In my all-mage scavenger hunt campaign, the PCs have been asked to retrieve, among others, the body of a dead Storm Giant. Now, I don't mind that the PCs selected the country of Geoff as the best place to start. I don't mind them trying to teleport there. But this...this...well...

The player read the entire spell description through twice. Now, I should point out that while the party is all-mage, not all of them are wizards. We were missing a player that day, and another (the leader) was late, so the party consisted of just the bard and the half-dragon warmage, as well as the elf wizard NPC. Only the elf has access to a teleport spell.

The bard thought it would be great if the three of them could pop over to Geoff, grab a Storm Giant, kill it, and bring back the body. How they planned to teleport a giant's body, which weighs thousands of tons, I don't know. But anyway, he wanted to impress the party leader when he finally showed up, so he declared that's what he would do. The half-dragon, who is 2nd in command, had no specific objection. So, I then asked the question.

ME: OK. How will you teleport there when you've never been there? You need to know where you're going, remember?
BARD: Well, has Laucien [the elf NPC] been there?
ME: Nope.
BARD: Hmm...OK. Can you teleport using a painting as a reference guide?

Now, I laughed extremely hard when he said that, but, when I was finally stable enough to think about it, I read the spell description and realised that you probably can, since it doesn't say anything about it. I agreed that such a thing would be possible, but that it would count only as 'viewed once' and even then, I would be adding 10 to the teleport roll. The bard player thought this was fair. The half-dragon player had that "we're going to die" expression, but he didn't say anything.

So they went to an art gallery, found a painting of a Geoff landscape, and used it as their guide. First, I rolled 98, which means a mishap. After taking 5 hp damage from the scramble, I rolled again, to discover they had landed about 500 miles off-course. Rolling for direction and consulting my map, I discovered that this put them right in the middle of a desert. Because I was having some sadistic fun, I ruled that a sandstorm was in progress, so the PCs arrived and instantly fell into the foetal position. They got out of that jam with a handy secure shelter, and after a series of violent encounters with a band of nomads (and their flame strike-happy 13th level Cleric), they eventually managed to get away. Here's where the arrogant bit came in.

BARD (to Laucien): I don't want you casting the spell. You buggered it up last time.
ME (as Laucien): Alright. Let's just ask that other wizard...oh, wait, it's just me here!
BARD: Just put it on a scroll. I'll cast it.
ME (as me): Can you do that? What's your Use Magic Device rating?
BARD: Plus thirty.
ME: Hmm. OK. Laucien takes some time to scribe the spell onto a scroll for you. He says "alright, song and dance man. You want to try this, be my guest." Then he puts his fingers in his ears and closes his eyes.
BARD: My Use Magic Device check...succeeds. I did it!
ME: No mishap?
BARD: Nuh. (gave me the two fingers in jubilation).
ME: OK...

I rolled for destination, and got 'similar area'. Because I was having so much fun, I broke the rules a little and ruled that the 'similar area' wasn't even in the Flanaess! They ended up running from savage tribesmen who were out for their heads - after a fight with a couple of shamblers, that is. Oh, and a tendriculos.

They eventually got home, to arrive at the feet of the leader, who had now returned. They were scratched, had torn clothing, and the bard was covered in mucus and saliva.

LEADER: Did you get the giant?
HALF-DRAGON: Not so much.

Let this be a lesson: trust your wizard. No matter how good you think you are, he's better at his job than you are at yours. And don't use a painting as a teleport aide.

 

[Missywelden]

I did something pretty dumb. It was because "I" the player was utterly clueless. "I" didn't realize that stepping into a pentagram would be bad. "I" thought once the spell/incantation was over...or whatever caused it...I never found out...that the pentagram was useles. "I" was wrong. Of course my Cleric would have known that.
The end result was a Half-Celestial being possessed. That was a pretty sight.

 

[Lalalei2001]

Bogwash and the party come across a cloud of poison mist. Holding his breath, Bogwash walked through the mist. Unfortunately he failed to notice the poison monster inside which hit him with contact venom, causing him to open his mouth and breathe in the fog.

Later on (he was resurrected) in a narrow tunnel, Bogwash was drumrolled from behind by the monster. He collapsed on the floor, unconscious.

In the next room was a trap/statue thing that every 30 seconds slammed the doors shut and dished out 'Pain', 'Neuronic Penetration' and some kind of poison, killing one of the fighters.

The rest of the party decide to test out if it works on corpses, pick up Bogwash and another unconscious party member, who they assume are dead, and throw them into the room. Stupid party.

 

[Lalalei2001]

On an excursion into the Underdark, the party slaughtered a large den of Hook Horrors. They came across a tunnel made of extremely slippery glass-rock. Bob the priest came up with a "brilliant" plan:

Jury-rig a sled out of the Horrors' shells and barrel through the unknown, pitch-dark tunnel at a break-neck pace.

After some A-Team style repairs, the sleds were ready to go. About a mile down the tunnel, one wall of the corridor droppped off to a narrow ledge and a 100 foot fall to a rocky floor below.

Last words: "Hey, Guys! I call it a Bob-sled!"

 

[Lalalei2001]

The Brians' deaths themselves were not particularly special. What was interesting was the speed of them, specifically that fact that all 3 died within the space of 10 minutes (one of them twice).

The original Brian was a lvl 1 cleric who within 30 seconds of being introduced was stepped on by a white dragon.

Due to the fact that nobody wanted to pay to have the lvl 1 cleric ressurected or wait for Brian to make a new character, Brian's(the character's, not the player's) identacle twin brother Brian arrived with the exact same stats, and was promptly eaten by the dragon.

It turned out that there were a party of identacle clerics wandering in the mountains that day, as he was instantly replaced by Brian #3 who manage to surive to the end of battle due to the fact that Di Siduous the Ranger nobly sacrificed himself to save Brian.

The death cries of the white dragon were heard by other nearby evil dragons, one red and one black. In unison, the dragons fired twin balls of flame and acid which combined into one huge sphere of death (TM).

Everyone dodged except for Brian and the much loved NPC Wizzy, both of whom were dissolved beyond ressurection. At this point Brain #2 slit through the stomach of the white dragon and climbed out, explaining that the dragon had swallowed him whole and he'd survived by using Cure Light Wounds on himselft to avoid stomach acid damage.

To avoid any more fussing about, Eldas stupidly cast Wall of Force on Brian #2 to protect him from harm. Why was it stupid, you ask? Well...

It worked well untill the end of the battle when the corpse of the red dragon fell on Brian from 150ft and he was unable to dodge due to the Wall of Force and was thusly crushed.

RIP Brians 1, 2, and 3.