I've got a few, one fairly long and involved. I'm DMing in all sessions.
1. Things are getting rough for the party. They're low-level (3rd or 4th) and the skeleton horde they've picked a fight with is mixing it up, trying to surround the fighters and get at the Wizard in the back rank. Getting worried and unsure what to do (and, I assume, afraid of using his dagger and leery of wasting magic), the Wizard utters the deathless phrase: "I use my snake familiar as a whip." Naturally I ask why and get the answer: "It can bite and poison them." So I point out that his snake is a constrictor (like he specifically asked for at the beginning of the campaign) and patiently explain that constrictors aren't venomous. Cursing his 'misfortune', he then 'realizes' that this is "better because the snake can entangle".
So, trying to be the merciful god that DMs are supposed to be, I pointedly ask him "Is he sure?" He says yes. The other, more experienced, players then try to talk him out of it. They fail. In a last ditch attempt, I have the snake try to bite the Wizard to indicate his displeasure at being manhandled by the tail, dealing one point of damage. Still not taking the hints, the Wizard continues to, literally, "Swing it (the snake) around my head and flick it at the skeleton." Of course I ruled that the rough treatment snapped the snake's spine, killing it instantly. And, naturally, no other familiar would ever sign on with him after that.
Same Wizard got punched in the face (in game, not RL) when he tried to shoot a Melf's Acid Arrow through the party's fighter and failed the attack roll, hitting the fighter instead.
Edit: I didn't mention he dealt more damage to the fighter than the low-level mooks he'd been fighting managed to do in the entire battle.
2. Descending into the second level of the Gygaxian 3E adventure 'Maure Castle' from Dungeon Magazine after encountering several severly nasty traps, the Cleric offers words of wisdom: "Before we do ANYTHING down here, we have to check for traps." Five minutes and one fight later, he says: "I rip down the tapestries and stick them in my Bag of Holding." An experienced player who should know better, particularly after his declaration not minutes before, I give him a hint asking him the pointedly "Are you sure?" question. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, know what I mean. He's oblivious to my warning, so the party Rogue comes to his rescue and I let him. "Don't you want me to check for traps first?" The answer: "They're just tapestries, what could go wrong?" The irony being that the Cleric was, luckily, the only character that didn't fail the save or die effect that was unleashed. I say luckily because he was the only character capable of resurrection at the time.
3. In a different campaign, the Barbarian wanted to take the leadership feat so that he could have an army to battle against the BBEG since a war was looming. As luck would have it, this co-incided with a subplot that had the BBEG negotiating with the northern barbarian tribes to side with him in the upcoming battle. So the party sets out to the town of the barbarian High King in order to present a counter-proposeal, gaining a new ally while denying one to the enemy. The town is two week's travel over harsh wilderness, which they eventually make after a few run-ins with wandering monsters and ambushes sent by the BBEG.
A suitably machiavelian plot later, the PCs expose the High King's brother's collusion with the emmisary of the BBEG to assassinate him and put the more easily controlled brother on the throne. Impressed, and childless, the High King proposes to make the Barbarian PC his heir, thus gaining him his leadership feat and a base of operations (such as it is being a long way from anywhere). To do so, however, the PC must become blood brothers with the monarch.
Informed that he must supply his own ritual dagger in order to perform the ritual, the Barbarian selects what he considers to be the best one he owns for the task: a minor artifact Dagger of Wounding he looted from the corpse of an assassin previously in the campaign. The dagger was only slightly more powerful than usual, requiring a remove curse to be performed before the bleeding could be staunched.
In full knowledge of this, the Barbarian proceeds with the ritual, cutting his own palm and bleeding very impressively for the yokels. Naturally, the bleeding doesn't stop and he asks the Cleric to perform a remove curse.
The train wreck naturally occurs when the Cleric informs him that he hasn't memorized it for the day. After feverish searching through equipment lists, it's discovered that no-one has a scroll of remove curse either. Asking the High King with no small ammount of embarassment, it's learned that the local priests simply aren't high enough level to cast remove curse at all.
Usually you lose 1hp/round from a sword of wounding, but I take pity on the Barbarian and rule that by staunching the flow, they can reduce this to 1hp/minute. So all the Barbarian has to do is survive the 9 hours for the Cleric to sleep and pray for his spells. Out comes all the healing potions as the Barbarian quaffs every single one available (borrowing some off the High King as well) in order to stave off his demise. Despite the attempt, he dies 3 minutes before the Cleric can cast remove curse on him.
This isn't as bad as it seems, since the party had invested (at great expense) in a scroll of Raise Dead which they eventually agreed to use on him. The Barbarian then almost gave the rest of the party a collective corronary when he said that his character was unwilling to come back to life due to embarassment. Fortunatly, they talked him out of it. Unfortunately, he lost the level, taking him down to 5th and thus inelegable for the Leadership feat.
Being merciful, I allowed him to take it at the next level once his 'heroic deeds convinced the High King that he was indeed not as stupid as he acted.'
1. Things are getting rough for the party. They're low-level (3rd or 4th) and the skeleton horde they've picked a fight with is mixing it up, trying to surround the fighters and get at the Wizard in the back rank. Getting worried and unsure what to do (and, I assume, afraid of using his dagger and leery of wasting magic), the Wizard utters the deathless phrase: "I use my snake familiar as a whip." Naturally I ask why and get the answer: "It can bite and poison them." So I point out that his snake is a constrictor (like he specifically asked for at the beginning of the campaign) and patiently explain that constrictors aren't venomous. Cursing his 'misfortune', he then 'realizes' that this is "better because the snake can entangle".
So, trying to be the merciful god that DMs are supposed to be, I pointedly ask him "Is he sure?" He says yes. The other, more experienced, players then try to talk him out of it. They fail. In a last ditch attempt, I have the snake try to bite the Wizard to indicate his displeasure at being manhandled by the tail, dealing one point of damage. Still not taking the hints, the Wizard continues to, literally, "Swing it (the snake) around my head and flick it at the skeleton." Of course I ruled that the rough treatment snapped the snake's spine, killing it instantly. And, naturally, no other familiar would ever sign on with him after that.
Same Wizard got punched in the face (in game, not RL) when he tried to shoot a Melf's Acid Arrow through the party's fighter and failed the attack roll, hitting the fighter instead.
Edit: I didn't mention he dealt more damage to the fighter than the low-level mooks he'd been fighting managed to do in the entire battle.
2. Descending into the second level of the Gygaxian 3E adventure 'Maure Castle' from Dungeon Magazine after encountering several severly nasty traps, the Cleric offers words of wisdom: "Before we do ANYTHING down here, we have to check for traps." Five minutes and one fight later, he says: "I rip down the tapestries and stick them in my Bag of Holding." An experienced player who should know better, particularly after his declaration not minutes before, I give him a hint asking him the pointedly "Are you sure?" question. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, know what I mean. He's oblivious to my warning, so the party Rogue comes to his rescue and I let him. "Don't you want me to check for traps first?" The answer: "They're just tapestries, what could go wrong?" The irony being that the Cleric was, luckily, the only character that didn't fail the save or die effect that was unleashed. I say luckily because he was the only character capable of resurrection at the time.
3. In a different campaign, the Barbarian wanted to take the leadership feat so that he could have an army to battle against the BBEG since a war was looming. As luck would have it, this co-incided with a subplot that had the BBEG negotiating with the northern barbarian tribes to side with him in the upcoming battle. So the party sets out to the town of the barbarian High King in order to present a counter-proposeal, gaining a new ally while denying one to the enemy. The town is two week's travel over harsh wilderness, which they eventually make after a few run-ins with wandering monsters and ambushes sent by the BBEG.
A suitably machiavelian plot later, the PCs expose the High King's brother's collusion with the emmisary of the BBEG to assassinate him and put the more easily controlled brother on the throne. Impressed, and childless, the High King proposes to make the Barbarian PC his heir, thus gaining him his leadership feat and a base of operations (such as it is being a long way from anywhere). To do so, however, the PC must become blood brothers with the monarch.
Informed that he must supply his own ritual dagger in order to perform the ritual, the Barbarian selects what he considers to be the best one he owns for the task: a minor artifact Dagger of Wounding he looted from the corpse of an assassin previously in the campaign. The dagger was only slightly more powerful than usual, requiring a remove curse to be performed before the bleeding could be staunched.
In full knowledge of this, the Barbarian proceeds with the ritual, cutting his own palm and bleeding very impressively for the yokels. Naturally, the bleeding doesn't stop and he asks the Cleric to perform a remove curse.
The train wreck naturally occurs when the Cleric informs him that he hasn't memorized it for the day. After feverish searching through equipment lists, it's discovered that no-one has a scroll of remove curse either. Asking the High King with no small ammount of embarassment, it's learned that the local priests simply aren't high enough level to cast remove curse at all.
Usually you lose 1hp/round from a sword of wounding, but I take pity on the Barbarian and rule that by staunching the flow, they can reduce this to 1hp/minute. So all the Barbarian has to do is survive the 9 hours for the Cleric to sleep and pray for his spells. Out comes all the healing potions as the Barbarian quaffs every single one available (borrowing some off the High King as well) in order to stave off his demise. Despite the attempt, he dies 3 minutes before the Cleric can cast remove curse on him.
This isn't as bad as it seems, since the party had invested (at great expense) in a scroll of Raise Dead which they eventually agreed to use on him. The Barbarian then almost gave the rest of the party a collective corronary when he said that his character was unwilling to come back to life due to embarassment. Fortunatly, they talked him out of it. Unfortunately, he lost the level, taking him down to 5th and thus inelegable for the Leadership feat.
Being merciful, I allowed him to take it at the next level once his 'heroic deeds convinced the High King that he was indeed not as stupid as he acted.'
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