Tell us a joke...

[hong]

e^x and a constant are out at a party one night, and amidst the drinking and dancing, time gets away on them a little.

To get back to their apartment, they need to cross the park in the wee hours of the morning. But at the edge of the park, the constant spots a sinister figure lurking in the shadows. Peering closer, he gasps in horror.

"It's a differential operator!" he gibbers. "He'll turn me into nothing!" And the constant flees shrieking into the night.

In his drunken state, e^x is on the verge of following his companion... but then stops to think. "Hang on," he says to himself. "I'm the exponential function! A differential operator can't hurt me!" And squaring his shoulders, he strides into the park, right up to where the differential operator is standing.

"Hello," he says cheerfully. "I'm e^x!"

"Why, hello," replies the differential operator, leering. "I'm d/dy..."

-Hyp.

This is reinforcing my desire to have Hypersmurf's manbabies.

 

[Aeson]

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?

He said... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said ...Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said ... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet p aper?
She said ... We don't know; it has never happened.

He said ... Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said ... Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge

 

[Aurora]

BAHAHAHAHAH nice one Aeson.

 

[Pielorinho]

How many elephants can fit in a VW bug?
Four: two in the front and two in the back.

How can you tell there's an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.

How can you tell there are two elephants in your fridge?
You can hear them whispering.

How can you tell there are three elephants in your fridge?
The door won't close.

How can you tell there are four elephants in your fridge?
There's an empty VW Bug out front.

Why are elephants big, wrinkled, and gray?
Because if they were small, smooth, and white, they'd be aspirin.

What's big, green, has six legs, and will kill you if it falls on you from out of a tree?
A pool table.

Daniel

 

[Angel Tarragon]

The Three Bears

A Far More Accurate Account Of The Events Of That Fateful Morning...

Baby Bear Goes Downstairs, Sits In His Small Chair At The Table, And He Looks Into His Small Bowl.

It Is Empty. "who's Been Eating My Porridge?" He Squeaks.

Daddy Bear Arrives At The Big Table And Sits In His Big Chair. He Looks Into His Big Bowl And It Is Also Empty. "who's Been Eating My Porridge?!?" He Roars.

Mummy Bear Puts Her Head Through The Serving Hatch From The Kitchen And Yells, "for God's Sake, How Many Times Do We Have To Go Through This With You Idiots?

It Was Mummy Bear Who Got Up First.
It Was Mummy Bear Who Woke Everyone In The House.
It Was Mummy Bear Who Made The Coffee.
It Was Mummy Bear Who Unloaded The Dishwasher From Last Night And Put Everything Away.
It Was Mummy Bear Who Went Out In The Cold Early Morning Air To Fetch The Newspaper And Croissants.
It Was Mummy Bear Who Set The Damn Table.
It Was Mummy Bear Who Put The Bloody Cats Out, Cleaned The Litter Boxes, Gave The Cats Their Food, And Refilled Their Water.
And Now That You've Decided To Drag Your Sorry Bear-asses Downstairs And Grace Mummy Bear With Your Grumpy Presence, Listen Carefully, Because I'm Only Going To Say This Once....

I Haven't Made The Effing Porridge Yet!!!"

 

[Olaf the Stout]

How many elephants can fit in a VW bug?
Four: two in the front and two in the back.

I don't get that one. Maybe I missed the punchline. Or is the punchline the fact that 4 elephants are supposed to be able to fit into a VW Bug? If so then I don't find it funny.

Enough complaining. More jokes that don't make sense.

Why did the girl fall of the swing?
Because she had no arms.

Why couldn't Eric ride a bike?
Because Eric was a fish.

And one of my all-time favourite jokes(ironic considering I didn't find the elephant joke funny):

What's white and blue and sits up a tree?
A fridge with a denim jacket on.

Olaf the Stout

 

[Olaf the Stout]

One more: What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

Olaf the Stout

 

[Aurora]

I don't get that one. Maybe I missed the punchline. Or is the punchline the fact that 4 elephants are supposed to be able to fit into a VW Bug? If so then I don't find it funny.

I don't believe it is supposed to be funny on it's own. It is setting up the jokes further down the list.

 

[awayfarer]

Did you hear about the psychic midget that escaped from prison? Theres a small medium at large.

I met my girlfriend at my weekly seonce group. I was a regular, she was a medium.

 

[Bubbalicious]

Here are a couple for the ladies:

A young couple moves into a house that shares a backyard with an older couple's house. The elder housewife decides to take the younger under her wing and teach her all she needs to know about married life, so every Sunday they both did their laundry and met outside to talk while hanging it out to dry. One Sunday the elder housewife didn't show, so the younger went ahead and hung out her wash. A couple of hours later it started to rain and the younger woman got soaked as she went outside to pull down her laundry. The next Sunday, the younger housewife went outside to hang her laundry, followed closely by the elder.

Younger - "I missed you last week."

Elder - "I guess I should have told you it was going to rain."

Younger - "How did you know it would rain?"

Elder - "Well dear, when I wake up in the morning, I look at my hunband's manhood. If it lays on his left leg, it's going to be a clear day, but if it lays on his right leg, it's going to rain. On those days, I hang my laundry inside."

Younger - "What does it mean if your husband has an erection?"

Elder - "Oh sweetie, on those days I don't do laundry!!!"