Tell Us Your Best RPG Joke

[Piratecat]

Did you hear about the evil wizard who liked to give people hickies?

He was a neck romancer.

 

[Psion]

Okay...

Three old wizards are sitting in a bar and one says to the other...

No, wait. Actually, that's four old wizards sitting in bar. So, one says...

Er, actually, it was three. Definantly three. Anyway.

Xanxost?

 

[ironmani]

Becareful in your wording of wishes....
"So let me get this staright, you want me to raze your ability scores?"

 

[Piratecat]

What noise does a dwarven battle cleric make when falling down the stairs?

CLANGEDDIN CLANGeddin Clangeddin clangeddin. . .

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

Why do elves have pointy ears?

There has to be some point to them!

 

[Voadam]

"Despite everything he's done I keep missing that bard," the sorceress said, "I have to work on my aim."

 

[Kae'Yoss]

A human is waiting for an elf, who is late. Finally, he arrives.
H: "Where have you been?"
E: "I had to bury a dwarf. Took me 7 hours?"
H: "Typical elven behaviour: Taking forever on such a simple task!"
E: "Simple? The gritsucker wouldn't hold still!"


Or that one. An average adventuring party (dwarven fighter, gnome illusionist - oh no, make that bard now! - elven wizard, and human cleric) is sitting in a posh tavern to eat, drink, and celebrate the reward they got for rescuing the princess (again). When the waiter wants to pass them the bills, the others hear - to their astonishment - the dwarf saying "I'ts all on me!"

One hour later, the town-criers have something new to tell: "Hear ye! Hear ye! Dwarf strangles gnome ventriloquist!"

 

[Dark Jezter]

A dwarf and an elf walk into a tavern and sit down at a table. A moment later, the waitress arrives to take their order.

"I'll have a mug of ale and a 12 ounce steak, medium-rare," says the dwarf.

"Excellent choice. And the vegetable?" Asks the waitress.

The dwarf then looks at the elf and says "He'll have the steak too, and he'll like it!"

 

[Teflon Billy]

Okay...

Three old wizards are sitting in a bar and one says to the other...

No, wait. Actually, that's four old wizards sitting in bar. So, one says...

Er, actually, it was three. Definantly three. Anyway.

Four old wizards... three! Three old wizards sitting in a bar! And one turns to the other and says "Have you..."

Or was it four? Hang on a minute, let me work this out... it's really funny. Honest. Just bear with me.

That's right, I remember now! There were only two of them! Doh!

Anyway... so... two old wizards are sitting at a bar and one says to the other...

Or were they clerics?

Anyway...

You heard that one from my Daughter and her friends

 

[The Sigil]

Thank you! I'm here all week. Try the veal and be sure to tip your waitress.

Heh... I just got a visual of a half-orc giving a waitress a shoulder to the gut, flooring her, then looking quizically at the stunned expression on his gnome buddy's face.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, buddy - you said, 'tip the waitress - they appreciate it.' So I tipped the waitress, but it doesn't look like she appreciated it much."

*ducks*

--The Sigil