The Derp Snake

[Ancalagon]

Hello

Inspired by [MENTION=6785438]Warmaster Horus[/MENTION] in this thread http://www.enworld.org/forum/showthread.php?629459-AI-Creates-New-D-amp-D-Monsters , I started asking myself questions. What would being bitten by the Derp Snake *do*? Disadvantage on everything? Sure, but that is more or less what being poisoned does. Also, note the subtlety - Warmaster Horus doesn't say his PCs, he says his *players*. So his *players* are affected, not the characters!

How do we represent this, gaming statistic wise? Well you know what is a derpy thing to do for a player? Roll a d12 instead of a d20. So I now proposed a new condition:

DERPED
All attack rolls, skill checks, saving throws etc made with a d20 are now made with a d12. This condition lasts until the GM has mercy, or the player rolls a Critical Derp (a 1) on a check that matters.

Note: Effects that are based on a "flat" value of 10 (such as passive perception or reliable talent) now have a baseline of 6.

Note 2: A derped character can have advantage or disadvantage, but rolls 2d12 instead.

 

[Wiseblood]

I would figure the poisoned condition plus a penalty to passive perception.

 

[Lidgar]

My new exclamation when rolling a 1: Ah Derp!

 

[MarkB]

There was one player in our group who notoriously rolled poorly all the time. When he forgot his dice one evening and had to borrow some from another player's dice bag, it wasn't until two hours later when he rolled a natural 0 on an attack that we realised he'd been rolling a 20-sided d10 all evening.

 

[Eltab]

Derp Snake
The Derp Snake is a giant python, rather than a poisonous viper. It tries to swallow its prey whole. Unlike IRL snakes, it does not try to KO you first.
The snake has this unusual feature, that it likes only warm food. If a prey drops below 0 HP and has to start making Death Saves, the snake regurgitates it. (It may not do so fast enough for your friends to come to your aid, alas.) The snake's strong stomach acids usually take out small prey (like mice) very rapidly.

For man-sized meals, the party Cleric might get some experience with Revivify.

Inspired by an IRL news story from Florida: an XL python in the Everglades tried to swallow a deer but couldn't...

 

[mellored]

Sounds like feebleminded.

When bitten, the target makes a Con save against poison. On a failed save, the creature's Intelligence and Charisma scores become 1. The creature can't cast spells, activate magic items, understand language, or communicate in any intelligible way except to say "derp". The creature can, however, identify its friends, follow them, and even protect them. At the end of each turn, they can make an an additional saving throw to end the condidition.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

I can almost hear Parliament Funkadelic singing “Derp Snake”...


For those confused by that:
[video=youtube;6F7xbF7OnxU]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F7xbF7OnxU&sns=em[/video]

 

[Warmaster Horus]

Ahhh, a little P-Funk D-Snake. Love it!

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Possibly the monster with the best theme song ever.

 

[Ancalagon]

Sounds like feebleminded.

When bitten, the target makes a Con save against poison. On a failed save, the creature's Intelligence and Charisma scores become 1. The creature can't cast spells, activate magic items, understand language, or communicate in any intelligible way except to say "derp". The creature can, however, identify its friends, follow them, and even protect them. At the end of each turn, they can make an an additional saving throw to end the condidition.

No no no no... Your suggestion affects the character.

DERPED is a condition that affects *the player*. What are you going to do, give your players a concussion? I don't know about you, but where I live, that's assault! But you can make your player roll a d12 without going to jail