The game I play in just dies... and it turns out it's my fault.

[Numion]

Wow. I've never played in a group that weren't also my friends, so it'd be hard if something like this happened.

The negative thing, you said it's been blown out of proportion? I've seen something like this in my circle of friends (non-gaming) (the nickname for that girl, used only nehind her back wasn't exactly boards material). Once you get to the point that most of your personality and stories are of the negative aspect, you get people thinking about you in those terms. Then everything you say will be seen as coming from a negative person, and thats why it gets blown out of proportion. People are already predisposed to view it as negative.

There are no easy solutions to that. One can't just be upbeat is there's nothing to be upbeat about. And many people need to talk about their problems .. I don't know. Your life is better now? It will take some time for people's views to change, you know. One solid answer is to seek professional help. There are people whose jobs are to help.

 

[tonym]

...Any advice is welcome on finding a new group or how to be more that just a game group, because I haven't got a clue.

One way to find a new group is to call the people from the old group and ask them if they have any leads pertaining to a new group. Call from time to time, not just once. You might even call some of the people from the group prior to that group. Eventually sombebody is likely to say, "Well, now that you mention it, so-and-so is thinking about cancelling his RIFTS campaign to start a D&D campaign..." or something similar.

Regarding your question about how to have a gaming group become more than a gaming group... Maybe tell the group that you would like it if you could all hang-out sometime. Then suggest that everybody come to gaming an hour early next session for an hour-long barbecue or something similar, where everybody is standing around talking, not sitting down gaming.

You might offer to spring for the hamburgers the first time. Then, if it's fun, somebody else would buy the food the next time. Then maybe it would become a regular thing and you would all get to know each other better.

Good luck with everything. Hope this post was helpful.

Tony

 

[Celtavian]

re

Sounds like you met some people like myself. I can't stand people who are overly reliant on others. I find them very annoying, and I find it difficult to have respect for them.

I also have very little sympathy for people with depression or mental disorders such as anxiety. I was raised in a family that taught me that life is something you endure as much as enjoy, and mental disorders are suffered by just about everyone at some point in time. When they do occur, you need to get back on the horse. Makes me real intolerant of other people who may not have the mental fortitude that I do.

Honestly, the people you were gaming with are probably alot like myself. They view your situation from their point of view, which means they lack sympathy. Better to find a new gaming group, hopefully with some gamers who can empathize with your situation and problems.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

I'm sorry. Sounds like these people were a bunch of _______. (fill in the blank)
I deleted my LJ because I decided venting my frsutrations with people in a public arena was childish and silly. (And in fact, very rarely vented about individuals on it anyway; groups maybe, but not specific people who had access to it). That's just lame, junior high type behavior.

I knew a bunch of people like that once. I didn't game with them (the one woman in the group made it quite clear that I was not to infringe upon her men). Eventually, they all just ditched me.

I am also not very good in social situations, and have a hard time making friends. I've also been through an ugly divorce that left me with massive debt (I was stuck paying a $1400 a month rent on my own for a year amongst other things) no car, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know it sounds cheesy, but I know what it's like.

Also, for a group to be more than just a gaming group, I definately agree with planning something like a BBQ, or a movie day with them once in a while. And try to stay positive. When you meet a new group, don't mention the bad stuff in your life to excess (that's what online friends are for ) since that tends to throw people off at first, until they really know you and can see where you're coming from. If anyone asks why you split from your old group, just tell them you had schedule conflicts or different gaming styles.

Things WILL get better for you. I know it might not always feel like it, but it will.

Check gamers seeking gamers on here, there are a lot of people in Buffalo. Feel free to PM or email me or IM me if you want to talk. I'm not in NY so I can't really help you with finding a NY group, but I'll certainly listen if you need to vent.

~Sheri

Sounds like you met some people like myself. I can't stand people who are overly reliant on others. I find them very annoying, and I find it difficult to have respect for them.

I also have very little sympathy for people with depression or mental disorders such as anxiety. I was raised in a family that taught me that life is something you endure as much as enjoy, and mental disorders are suffered by just about everyone at some point in time. When they do occur, you need to get back on the horse. Makes me real intolerant of other people who may not have the mental fortitude that I do.

Honestly, the people you were gaming with are probably alot like myself. They view your situation from their point of view, which means they lack sympathy. Better to find a new gaming group, hopefully with some gamers who can empathize with your situation and problems.

I too have sort of stopped feeling sympathy for people who have bad lives AND REFUSE to take any steps to better themselves. I know people like that and I have been in bad situations, and though it takes time, sometimes, I always end up making the most of it and I don't whine. Much. But I'm also not naive enough to think that people don't sometimes need to vent, everyone needs to vent sometimes.

Most people can't deal with a whiny, always moody person who brings the whole group down. But these people (if what she says is true) seem like they are just immature. The whole LJ thing really indicates that. And it is certainly possible for a person to need a ride to and from a game without annoying the other players. We have a guy in our group who doesn't drive and someone always picks him up or drives him home. It's not a big deal. AuroraGyps doesn't come off as whining here and honestly, I think your post was rather harsh.

I've been there and I got through it and I know AuroraGyps will get through it too.

I think it's pretty clear that AuroraGyps IS actively trying to better her situation. Trust me, I know someone who constantly whines about her life and situation and yet never takes a step to fix it and gets snippy when advice is offered.

That is MUCH different from what AuroraGyps is doing here. She is asking for advice, and trying to get back on her feet.

 

[Rel]

Let me just say this: People who dump you from a group, in the manner you describe, were not your friends. If a friend has a problem with you and if they are truly your friend then they will do one of two things. They will either decide that whatever little annoying habits you have (and of course you have them - so does everybody) are a price they pay for being your friend and that you are worth it, or they will decide that the price is too high. IF they decide these annoyances are too much for them to bear, then a true friend will talk to you openly and honestly about them.

I'll add that I've gotten to meet a lot of ENWorlders thanks to the NC Game Days and, without exception, they have been nice, enjoyable people to game with. If we got to see each other more often, I think many of them would rapidly start to move into the territory of "friends". If you can find folks here to game with, you'll probably be off to a good start.

And I hope you will give people a chance to be good to you. Because the price of shutting yourself off from potential friends is invariably higher than the cost of putting yourself out there and occasionally getting burned.

"The next best thing to playing and winning is playing and losing."

 

[Cergorach]

Try joining a gaming 'organization' in your area, chances are that there are some rpgers around, even if they are playing magic/warhammer/boardgame. You can 'socialize' without any inhibitions.

I'm a gamer that mostly plays with friends, for me that's part of the fun. Sometimes that brings along some excess baggage, but generally a greater understandig of each other balances everything out.

It certainly sounds horrible, but it could be just a horrible misunderstanding, those happen you know. Don't trusting people is a save bet, but if you never get hurt, how do you distinguish between the good and the bad times?

 

[Berandor]

Don't let it get to you. Some people take their game too serious for OOG-conversation, other groups (like ours) talks about many other things while gaming.
One thing to look at is whether the people you game with meet only for gaming, or whether gaming is just one of many acitivities they do together. If the latter, they probably "talk life" when they meet in a bar or at a BBQ, while they want their game to be free of such disturbances. The former group, however, allows OOG comments because it is the only chance to talk in person.

Also, perhaps due to feelings of insecurity, you talked about things many loose friends are uncomfortable talking about - failed relationships, bad experiences, et al. As you said yourself, you're an adult person, and you should be able to talk about those things.

As for blowing out of proportion, ranting and the perceived anonymity on the internet both tend to exaggerate one's grudges - so ranting on the internet is likely to make Mojo Jojo look like King Kong. If they'd been interested in being friends with you (or in acting in an adult fashion), they'd told you directly, though perhaps carefully, what it was that annoyed them.

Otoh, without knowing the whole story, I can't judge these people other than to say that you'l find people more on your wavelength, for sure.

 

[MDSnowman]

For starters, don't sweat it too much...you were playing a World of Darkness game for crying out loud. That's bound to make anyone angsty, especially after playing in it for three years.

You could always try an online game, a lot less trasit time. I've done a few of them and my only problem is finding people commited enough to show up every week. :\

 

[MDSnowman]

For starters, don't sweat it too much...you were playing a World of Darkness game for crying out loud. That's bound to make anyone angsty, especially after playing in it for three years.

You could always try an online game, a lot less transit time. I've done a few of them and my only problem is finding people commited enough to show up every week. :\

 

[MDSnowman]

For starters, don't sweat it too much...you were playing a World of Darkness game for crying out loud. That's bound to make anyone angsty, especially after playing in it for three years.

You could always try an online game, a lot less transit time. I've done a few of them and my only problem is finding people commited enough to show up every week. :\