Len
Prodigal Member
I recommend rpgregistry.com for finding a game in your area. It worked for me.
The game I play in just dies... and it turns out it's my fault.
- Thread starter AuroraGyps
- Start date
BSF
Explorer
Herpes Cineplex said:And for others, the people they game with MUST be their friends, and they're picky about who they're friends with. Throw in the additional complication of what some people consider appropriate boundaries for their friends, and it's almost like we're talking about real-life social interactions between actual people!
Like you,l I prefer to game with friends. Anyone that I want sitting at the table with me is somebody that I would talk to in a non-gaming context. But, not everyone feels the same way.
JoeGKushner
Adventurer
This could've been very similiar to what happened in my own group where one of the new players thought that he would determine who was going to play by 'voting' the one player who didn't have internet access out.
In my opinion, if people don't have the courage of their convictions to at least mentions these things to you, then they have serious issues. Most of the time it's simply a lack of will to have a 'confrontation' about issues that are often minor. Once a few people get together and start having little talks, things quickly get over exaggerated and blown out of proprtion.
In my opinion, if people don't have the courage of their convictions to at least mentions these things to you, then they have serious issues. Most of the time it's simply a lack of will to have a 'confrontation' about issues that are often minor. Once a few people get together and start having little talks, things quickly get over exaggerated and blown out of proprtion.
I agree that ENWorld does seem to attract (or produce?) a high quality bunch of gamers - all my ENWorld recruits to my group have been great! 
AG, I'm kinda on both sides of your complaint. I've been without a group and trying to play with people I didn't get along with so well, feeling not that dissimilar to yourself, and I've been GMing a group and had to decide that I didn't want to play with some of the players I had. I'd say try to find people like you, people who like you, people you get along with. One thing you may have trouble with, in socialising, is putting on your 'best face' with new people - until you know them well and could definitely call them friends, it's best not to seem too depressed, or needy, anxious etc - regard it as a performance - after all, you're a Roleplayer, right?
To start with - DON'T make any but the lightest out-of-game conversation, especially DON'T talk about the bad things in your life. Your fellow players are NOT your friends, that's a fallacy - they are POTENTIAL friends. If you get on well, they may become your friends, but to start with they are not 'committed' to you and they are NOT going to be interested in your sob stories. Asking for rides is ok IF someone is ready and willing to give you a ride, but they're not obliged to do so (and I'm very grateful to the player who ferries me to my fortnightly Midnight game!), so if they don't want to give you a ride - maybe it would be a detour for them - and you still want to play, you need to bear it with good grace and go the long & inconvenient way (public transport, bike, whatever). Any out-of-game chauffering should only be requested from _good friends_, - players you've played with awhile may _become_ good friends, but never presume on their friendship; or act resentful if they don't wish to help - as I said, they don't have any obligation to you.
- That's my advice on dealing with people. In the words of Marge Simpson, push the bad stuff "down, deep down to your ankles, so it's hardly there at all, and people will like you..."
You don't have to do this all your life, but with new people you don't know, it's what you have to do if you want to be a popular player. Buck up and push it down.
AG, I'm kinda on both sides of your complaint. I've been without a group and trying to play with people I didn't get along with so well, feeling not that dissimilar to yourself, and I've been GMing a group and had to decide that I didn't want to play with some of the players I had. I'd say try to find people like you, people who like you, people you get along with. One thing you may have trouble with, in socialising, is putting on your 'best face' with new people - until you know them well and could definitely call them friends, it's best not to seem too depressed, or needy, anxious etc - regard it as a performance - after all, you're a Roleplayer, right?
To start with - DON'T make any but the lightest out-of-game conversation, especially DON'T talk about the bad things in your life. Your fellow players are NOT your friends, that's a fallacy - they are POTENTIAL friends. If you get on well, they may become your friends, but to start with they are not 'committed' to you and they are NOT going to be interested in your sob stories. Asking for rides is ok IF someone is ready and willing to give you a ride, but they're not obliged to do so (and I'm very grateful to the player who ferries me to my fortnightly Midnight game!), so if they don't want to give you a ride - maybe it would be a detour for them - and you still want to play, you need to bear it with good grace and go the long & inconvenient way (public transport, bike, whatever). Any out-of-game chauffering should only be requested from _good friends_, - players you've played with awhile may _become_ good friends, but never presume on their friendship; or act resentful if they don't wish to help - as I said, they don't have any obligation to you.
- That's my advice on dealing with people. In the words of Marge Simpson, push the bad stuff "down, deep down to your ankles, so it's hardly there at all, and people will like you..."
You don't have to do this all your life, but with new people you don't know, it's what you have to do if you want to be a popular player. Buck up and push it down.
Henry
Autoexreginated
AuroraGyps, All I can say is I wish you the best of luck in finding a group of players that you're compatible with. Don't give up on people, though, because despite the bad that's out there, it's not all brambles and hemlock - there are a few daisies and roses here and there. You sometimes find friendship when you're NOT looking for it.
You sometimes find friendship when you're NOT looking for it.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
A bit of advice from city-boy who doesn't own a car (and likes it that way). It's inevitable that I depend on rides from other people from time to time, but I do everything I can to make sure that they don't think I'm taking advantage. A lot of times it's not that they mind doing you the favor, but that they don't like to think that you feel entitled to it.
I'll try to make sure to always bring edibles to the gaming sessions, and make the occasional treat or pick up the bar tab and say 'Just my way of saying thanks for all the rides'. Offering to host events always helps, too, even if its throwing a Superbowl party or somesuch.
I'll try to make sure to always bring edibles to the gaming sessions, and make the occasional treat or pick up the bar tab and say 'Just my way of saying thanks for all the rides'. Offering to host events always helps, too, even if its throwing a Superbowl party or somesuch.
AuroraGyps
First Post
I will elaberate on a few things so things are clearer. I never asked for a ride on any non game days and it was to ask if we could stop on the way and not to an out of the way location... I think this happened twice in 4 monthes. They said yes to helping me get the bookcase and they didn't have to.
Also, the GM and spouse were going to go to the movies and mentioned it on LJ. I replied w/ something like, "if you don't mind me joining you, I would like to see that movie, especially if you're planning on going to a matinee." They never called, but it was easter, so I understood. On LJ that turned into, "Oh, you're seeing that movie, pick me up at 3."
As for talking about bad things going on, well, does anybody only have good stuff in their lives? I talked about other things that were going on, but it seems they only remembered the bad stuff. They mentioned bad things too like $ or work while I was around.
Basically, I'm stunned the GM just kept ranting about me on LJ and didn't just say that things aren't working out. If she was hinting, I just didn't catch them. I've always felt that a GM has every right to decide who plays and who doesn't.
Oh, and as for the anxiety and stuff, we're pretty sure it's a chemical thing. I am seeking help and am on meds. I'm doing things I would have never done before, like going downtown by myself. I consider myself a work in progress. Alot of people don't get what it's like having an emotional problem. I can't count the times I've wished I had a "real" disease like epilepsy, cancer, etc.
I don't know... I'm just very frustrated. Thanks for the nice comments though
Also, the GM and spouse were going to go to the movies and mentioned it on LJ. I replied w/ something like, "if you don't mind me joining you, I would like to see that movie, especially if you're planning on going to a matinee." They never called, but it was easter, so I understood. On LJ that turned into, "Oh, you're seeing that movie, pick me up at 3."
As for talking about bad things going on, well, does anybody only have good stuff in their lives? I talked about other things that were going on, but it seems they only remembered the bad stuff. They mentioned bad things too like $ or work while I was around.
Basically, I'm stunned the GM just kept ranting about me on LJ and didn't just say that things aren't working out. If she was hinting, I just didn't catch them. I've always felt that a GM has every right to decide who plays and who doesn't.
Oh, and as for the anxiety and stuff, we're pretty sure it's a chemical thing. I am seeking help and am on meds. I'm doing things I would have never done before, like going downtown by myself. I consider myself a work in progress. Alot of people don't get what it's like having an emotional problem. I can't count the times I've wished I had a "real" disease like epilepsy, cancer, etc.
I don't know... I'm just very frustrated. Thanks for the nice comments though
nopantsyet
First Post
AuroraGyps said:
Look, AuroraGyps, regardless of what others have said, what you're experiencing is a real disease and is very different from experiencing extreme emotion. The human body is an organism--the mind and body are not separate, and both can malfunction--sicken, if you will--for a variety of reasons.
It may be chemical. Or it may be that the chemical changes are a symptom of something else, but since the body a system you can "push back" with meds.
It may be that, just like some people are able to sympathize with another person and some are not, some people are athletic and some are not, some people creative others not. Maybe some people are just unable to function under modern stresses (stress, toxins, poor diet, etc.).
Who really knows? We know so much less about the brain than the rest of the body; we don't understand how it works.
But there are lots of things you can do to help, and you don't have to rely exclusively on meds. They can be a great kickstart to help transition into a more active therapy. Point is, don't just take the meds mechanically. Pay attention to how they affect you, how they help you, side effects, and so on. Then you will notice if their effect changes over time, which can happen.
Don't be afraid to explore non-medicinal treatments as well; talk therapy, meditation, self help--whatever works for you is the final answer.
But most importantly, don't be afraid to try again. The fact that you're asking the question means you're headed in the right direction. I'm sure you'll do great. Good luck.
Vocenoctum
First Post
AuroraGyps said:
That's why I like online play. It's not as social, it's a little slower, but people are generally easier to deal with. No need for a ride, nothing but sitting at the computer. It also helps that most people in person really irritate me
I'm in 5 games online, mostly the same crew, but it's generally fun.
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