DM: So before we roll up characters for the next campaign, I wanted to go over some house rules. Now I collected your feedback from the last campaign, and I've made some changes.
PLAYERS: It's about time.
DM: First thing on the list, instead of restricting your character choices to the options in the books, you'll be allowed to choose any character race or class you want.
PLAYERS: Even untested stuff that we find on the internet?
DM: Yep, anything goes. The biggest piece of feedback I got from you guys was how the DM needs to stay out of your way and let you play whatever character you want to play, the way you want to play it, so I fixed that.
PLAYERS: Sweet Pelor, you actually listened to us! Tell us more!
DM: I'm also opening up the game to all of the optional rules in the DMG. Feats and Multiclassing are obviously going to be allowed, but also the rules for firearms, potion miscibility, one-hour long rests, flanking, and everything else. You can use whichever option you want, no restrictions.
PLAYERS: How will that work, though? I want the shorter rests, but Bob wants the original 8-hour long rest and--
DM: I'm sure you guys will figure it out. Remember, my goal is to stay out of your way.
PLAYERS: Um...
DM: Anyway, encumbrance! We're no longer tracking the weight of anything. A lot of you felt it was unfairly punishing the players who intentionally decided to tank their own Strength stat, or that it was just an unnecessary amount of detail. So your characters can carry as much stuff as you decide, without any penalty. You want to carry around six barrels of mead in your pocket, go for it, I'm sure you have your reasons.
PLAYERS: Okay, that's cool. I little unrealistic, but...
DM: The same goes for ammunition. Your character will always have all the arrows, crossbow bolts, spell components, and darts that they need. Per your request, we won't be keeping track of those annoying little resources.
PLAYERS: Nice! This is going to be...wait, did you say 'spell components'? Even diamonds?
DM: Moving on to experience points. We are getting rid of them altogether, because everyone felt they were needlessly complicated. Also, a lot of you felt like the pace was too slow, and the rest of you felt it was too quick, so I came up with a novel solution. We are shifting to Milestone leveling, except--and this is important--you set those milestones. You decide when your character levels up.
PLAYERS: We can just decide when we level-up?
DM: Yep. I don't want to restrict your creativity. This is a story about your characters, after all, and the DM should step back and let them shine!
PLAYERS: I think you're taking this a little too far...
DM: Every one of you complained how gold was useless, and insisted that your characters be allowed to purchase magic items in every town. That was a no-brainer, so I'm allowing that. I've also gone just one step further, and I'm going to let you guys stock the dungeons with whatever stuff you want for your characters. You will tell me what you find when you go adventuring, and what rewards you earn when you complete quests for NPCs. That way, you'll only find gold if you want to find gold!
PLAYERS: Now just a minute. I know I asked for wish lists, but this...
DM: And lastly, when you go adventuring, you also get to tell me which monsters you encountered, and how many. I didn't want you guys to feel like you were trapped behind your character options, by choosing the wrong weapons or languages or the wrong Favored Enemies. So you guys get to decide what you encounter, and when, and how often.
PLAYERS: . . .
DM: And we won't roll dice, either. Anytime you roll for anything, you have a choice: you can keep the roll, or just pick a number that best suits your...
PLAYERS: So we're supposed to tell you where our characters go, what they do when they get there, what they find, and how the whole adventure turns out?!
DM: Well...yeah. That's what you wanted, based on the feedback you guys gave me.
PLAYERS: That's called "writing a book," Kevin!
DM: And I look forward to reading what you come up with.