The mid-lifer schedule crunch

[Nightchilde-2]

This is what we do but we do it via a Virtual Desktop (Fantasy Grounds). We play once a week on Thurdsay nights for 3-4 hours.

Its NOT as good as being with friends around a table but it sure beats not playing at all.

rv

QFT.

 

[awayfarer]

This is what we do but we do it via a Virtual Desktop (Fantasy Grounds). We play once a week on Thurdsay nights for 3-4 hours.

I dunno, the WLD group I'm in meet over Openrpg once a week. I think there are some advantages to online gaming. I find it easier to keep in character for instance.

Of course, I've never exactly played real table-top. My other group, using Rolemaster and playing with Middle Earth as a setting, used to be semi-table-top. The thing was that half the group was in California and half was in Massachusetts. Basically each side got together at someones house and we talked over a conference call. There were also no maps or minis.

In any case this group was a bit tough to schedule for. This group now plays over Openrpg too largely because the groups makeup has changed and we're all a bit more spread apart. Scheduling is still a bit odd. We're all mid to late 20-somethings but several of us are still in school and one is running her own business in addition to a full time job.

We've found it helps to use the last 15 minutes of a session to plan for when the next one will be. Theres generally 1 to 1-1/2 months between sessions.

 

[TheNovaLord]

There are 7 of us, aged 35-48...3 married w/kids, 1 married, 1 lives with girlfriend

we play every week on either a tuesday/wednesday nite w/o fail. if someone misses out, then we play anyway. As we schedule in advance, people have plenty of time to inform if they are gonna miss.

I am amazed that people cant find one 4 hour session per week to game. If u cant find the time, u really need to look at yr overall life schedule. either you really want to game or u dont, and u find time. If u cant it pretty much means u'd LIKE to game but not at all a high priority. Its my hobby so i find the time and get narky if i miss a session, which is rare. One person missed last week with the excuse 'they'd had their tea late and had some chores to do'....truly awful.....tidy faster and eat at the game?!?!?

Some of the sentiments i agree with from other folks
-schedule on a week nite not weekends
-if u miss 50%+ of the sessions then be honest and say 'i need to drop out', then try and sort out the time so u can play regular.
-anyone who says ' im playing on the computer tonite so arent coming' should be shot
-saying your tired after a busy day at work....we all are, folks arrive tired but the game buzz kicks in quick

Maybe im lucky in that ive always been able to find groups to play in, and always found the time to squeeze 5 hours time for my hobby?

Rant over

JohnD

 

[brcarl]

I really like edemaitre's idea that the regular attendees get the majority of the story/plot attention while the folks who miss more often take on "supporting roles." Hopefully this mind-set change will help reduce some frustration for our DM.

The other thing I'm hearing is that we probably need to reset our expectations as to what kind of plot and story we can expect to maintain given our irregular schedule. Our DM does such a great job with NPCs and back-story that it's just a shame to think he's going to have to scale it back because we can't stay engaged enough to keep cognizant of the details.

Oh, well. I'm probably the only player in the group that cares that the "story is dying." I just hope this realization doesn't completely kill our DM's enthusiasm (he would prefer MORE role-playing, not less. )

 

[dougmander]

Boy, do I sympathize. I'm in my forties, I teach full-time, I have a spirited little toddler, but our weekly gaming night with my wife and two of our buddies still happens maybe three out of four weeks. We get some takeout food, put the toddler to bed, and game just a couple of hours, enough for one combat and a little story advancement. Some nights, when we're dead beat, we just sit around and talk, but most of the time I just force myself to start DMing, my fatigue falls away, and I get swept up in the game. If one person out of the four of us can't make it, we switch the game to another night, or we simply don't play that week. We never play with just three.

Over the summer, we all took a vacation day on the same Friday, left our kid in daycare (she loves it and would have been going anyway if we'd been at work), and had an all-day game session. We might do it again around the holidays.

My suggestions for balancing gaming and middle age are:
--Relax and aim low in terms of how much you're going to accomplish
--Be flexible, schedule-wise
--Game with friends who would still enjoy hanging out with you even if you're too tired to game
--Use published modules or use your improv skills to cut down on prep time

 

[Umbran]

For those it is important, they will rework their schedule to fit.

That is, if they have control of their schedule far in advance. If they don't, you have a problem. And "important" is pretty relative...

I have one player who's the father of a newborn girl, born prematurely. For a about nine months, there were health issues there, and he had little control of his schedule because he never new when his little girl would need to be in the hospital.

I have another player who has just told me that he can't say for much of thiis week's session - he's a manager at one of our local FLGSs, and when someone else comes up unable to attend, he has to cover for them - the alternative is closing the store for the evening, and probably losing his job.

So, to these guys the game is "unimportant", because they can't give it high enough priority to change their schedules to fit? Well, relatively, yes. But look at the competition for importance!

 

[Arnwyn]

I am amazed that people cant find one 4 hour session per week to game. If u cant find the time, u really need to look at yr overall life schedule. either you really want to game or u dont, and u find time. If u cant it pretty much means u'd LIKE to game but not at all a high priority.

(emphasis mine)

Well... yeah. That's exactly what it is. Indeed, some people have different priorities - nothing wrong with that.

 

[devilbat]

I run a group of thirty somethings, five of the six of us are married, two of us have kids. The nice thing is that we are all long term gamers, and our spouses have always been aware of our hobby. We make a point of scheduling our game, the same as we would schedule any other appointment, because we all seem to have the "if it's in our daytimer, it's going to happen" mentality.

We play every second Tuesday, and the session is rarely canceled or re-scheduled. Our games generally run from 7:00 pm - 10:30 pm, with the odd session running a little later. This seems to work, as we've had the same core group and concept for several years.

 

[KB9JMQ]

We game 3 hours every Sunday. We have 3 DMs and 3 different campaigns going.
All three campaigns are set up in a way that someone can be missing and we can still game.
When a player is not there, we either play one of the other campaigns if it is important for that character to be there or we will play Minis or Heroscape.

The important thing is to try to keep a fixed regular schedule and just do something together.

Keep adding players if it is possible. That way you can game as long as you get X amount of players to show up. This is what keeps my gaming fix filled.

 

[grimwell]

I turn 35 this month, have been married for 11 years, and my son turns 10 in December... so gaming around family obligations has pretty much been my norm for the last decade. Most of the people I game with have kids, in fact the only people who don't are about to get married... It's a bit of a rehash of some of the points made above, but here is what works in my house:

1. Schedule a consistent time to game -- and game no matter who shows that night. Like others have suggested, have backup games at the ready such that you can roll with the punches. The goal is to turn "D&D night" into a social "Game night" where people know that they will be able to show up, play D&D, or something else, and have a good time.
2. Adhere to your schedule. Even if just one person shows up, break out a game and have some fun. Watch a movie. Do something! This way everyone else hears about it and (believe it or not) wishes they would have shown up. The key is to make "Game night" an event that is not to be missed. Once you build up that anticipation, people find ways to clear their schedule -- and they come energized to have fun.
3. Secure your partners support! My wife and I have a clear understanding -- I get to game bi-weekly, and she gets a 'Wife's night out' bi-weekly. We take turns watching the kids. Everyone deserves their time in the sun, so make sure your partner gets it, and she will support your gaming night all the more. This assumes your partner does not game -- but its good to remember.
4. Abuse the internet. Even if your group of gaming friends does not want to do an online game session, and won't respond to emails -- overload them with reminders about gaming! They will read them! Send people reminders about the game coming up one week prior. Three days prior send them a 'reminder from last session' that wraps up what happened. GAME ONLINE with them! There are hundreds of *free* MMORPG's out there, and more and more of them are coming from Asia to the West in English -- so there isn't any reason you can't be social with the people between games (which builds friendships and loyalty).
5. D&D is a lifestyle. My parents belonged to a fraternal order. I play games with friends. It's really no different in practice. Each is a social activity, and each can affect your life beyond the actual group meeting. I'm a gamer, and I'm proud of it. My friends know I'm a gamer and even the non-D&D geeks enjoy coming by and playing a game of Catan, or Euchre, or Monopoly. My wife and I host another couple (or two) at least once a week for the sake of social gaming. It's an atmosphere we create and enjoy. Our friends know this, people who meet us learn it quickly. Most people want to play games and have a good time, they just need someone to make it possible (not joking).
6. Get involved in the local gaming community! Today we are having our homeschool/church friends over to celebrate National Games Week (yes, early, but we do more than one event...). I'm also active in two area Meetup groups. I'm registered at AccessDenied.net, and at PenandPaperGames.com to make it easy for people to find me. I also scan the EN board for people 'looking' in my area. I visit all the local FLGS's at least once a month and read their board.

That lifestyle point -- it's a big one. Gaming isn't something I do every few weeks -- it's something I do daily. With my kids, my family, my friends, and anyone else who chances by at the right moment. I still manage to hold down a career, the social activities of three kids, and take care of Mom's yard each week (in addition to my own, about 3 acres of yard total are in my tending).

The one thing I don't do? Sleep before midnight, and after 8am. ;P