The Shame of Role-Playing

[Celebrim]

I agree with Buttercup. It sounds to me that you are experiencing stage fright.

I don't think it is evidence of anything being wrong with you more serious than being shy.

I have this problem with new groups or any time when I have not DMed a group in a while. It takes a while to become comfortable with your role as a DM. Its tough to be a leader. A DM has to manage to be a comic, an orator, an all knowing sage, an empartial referee, a writer, and an event organizer. Of course you are nervous.

Don't think about it too much. Just do it. Trust yourself.

I have to resist the urge to apologize for my game when I first start a new campaign. I have to resist the urge to overly explain why things are happening. It takes a while to get comfortable with getting into character and with your cast of NPC's so that you can flow from one thing to another. When I first get started, I never feel like I'm doing a good enough job.

Afterwords, when people tell you that you characters are incredibly deep and believable, and that your plots are really mature, and they never saw that twist coming - then you feel alot better.

It really helps to have a good group. The shyness problem doesn't just effect DM's. Nothing is more painful for me to be somewhat nervous about my adventure, and to get things started, set the stage, and to have the players just sit there staring at me and each other. Then when a player says something like, "I ask the barkeep about the guy in the corner." and I have to keep saying, "Ok, ask the barkeep about the guy in the corner then." and "Well, what do you say." I want to start pulling my hair out. And, have you ever tried to carry on a conversation between two NPC's? It isn't the easiest thing in the world. The DM has some responcibility for moving the story along and getting the players comfortable and relaxed, but its a whole lot easier to do it if the players are willing to put forth some effort and RP as well.

 

[ColonelHardisson]

To a degree. But in my mind, role-playing takes it to a whole other level. Then again, in my mind the ideal role-playing group would have Robert DeNiro and Meryl Streep and others, because I assumed it was more acting then anything else. It's like what Baraendur mentioned. I assumed that lots of people were doing the 'goofy Scottish accent' and being totally serious about it.

Naw, not at all. For me, that would get very boring very quickly. It's more about socializing and playing a game than it is about trying to be a Master Thespian, by about a hundredfold. As I said, I don't do accents or try to really immerse myself in the characters I play as a player or DM. By that I mean I'm not going to dress up or heavily emote. But that doesn't mean I don't play the characters; adjusting the way one speaks or moves, even subtly, can really do the job of roleplaying for a game really well. I guess I'm saying it's more about attitude than the Stanislawski method. Of course, there may be groups that really get into the acting part of the game - and more power to them, if they're having fun - but in my experience it's not like that.

Try to find a shop where they run games, and ask to sit in and watch a session or two. As you get used to being around a group, and can see just how relaxed the whole thing is, it might help you get used to the idea of playing in one yourself.

 

[Metus]

Re: A couple of questions...

1) You mentioned "Image" in one of the posts above. Are there family, work or peer pressures that are increasing your anxiety about gaming "in-person"? IE...non-gaming friends, family members or co-workers say things like "Gaming is for geeks" or "I used to game, when I was in 7th grade".

Not really. Not at all, actually. My parents couldn't care less about D&D, and I just realized that all my friends do like gaming. Still, you know, I'd prefer not to run down the road whilst shouting out that I play D&D.

2) How comfortable are you speaking in front of groups (of any size 3-300) on any topic? Fear of public speaking (and let's face it...DMing in person is public speaking) outranks or ties fear of death in most surveys.

That's also what Buttercup asked, and while public speaking used to be bad for me back in high school (sweating nervously about it), I've gotten better now. I just 'shut myself off' when I do presentations, which seems to help enough.

It's not so much the fact that I'm in front of others, or being the center of attention. It's just because it feels very weird and very silly to role-play, kinda like BiggusGeekus said.

In any case, thanks for the advice everyone. I'm going to go ahead and play at least one session and see if I can't do this. I thought coming here about this problem would help, and I'm glad to see I was right. It's actually nice to know that I'm not the only one who felt it was sort of ridiculous or shameful.

 

[Kilmore]

You might wanna start by playing. Explain to the DM that you are not yet too comfortable with being in the limelight and you would not really prefer to be the center of attention, at least for a little bit. The other players should gleefully take up the slack. As time goes on, it should get better. Worked for me.

 

[PowerWordDumb]

Re: Re: A couple of questions...

It's not so much the fact that I'm in front of others, or being the center of attention. It's just because it feels very weird and very silly to role-play, kinda like BiggusGeekus said.

Well, there are certainly degrees of roleplaying. The advice to start with something mechanics-based may help you out, but it's probably important for you to realize that not everyone plays in a very grandiose and flamboyant manner.

For many of us, the DM describes the situation in a rather flat voice, tells us what people say to us (rather than acting out the part), and we tell him in return what we do and say, again not acting out the part.

It's probably not a lot of fun for the "real" roleplayers, but it works for us and nobody feels silly, apart from the inevitable first five minutes when you haven't played face-to-face in a long time.

For some of us, that's just the level we're comfortable at - we can have involving games that go beyond slashfests, but nobody ends up feeling "fruity" or "wierd" in the process. I know that my first experience with RPers who really got into their roles felt strange and disturbing, and to this day is more involved than what I'm comfortable with, but that's what they liked - I just like a little less flamboyance in my gaming.

So... just take a deep breath, ease into it slowly, and I'm sure you'll end up having fun at your own level of comfort. If you're not having fun, then adjust the game to suit, simple as that.

 

[Rashak Mani]

Sorry to be frank but it certainly seems like your in the "I dont want to seem non-cool" syndrome. Also you don't want goofy players greeting you outside the gaming arena ?

I just came back from a trip and I travelled with two canadians. A boy and a girl. School mates not a couple. She said she was travelling with him only because the "cool guys" dont care about travelling and that he even thou he wasnt "one of the cool guys" he ok to travel with.

Thou he was a bit goofy and was a straight A student. He was far from nerdy... but he certainly wasnt the cool guy back home. Yet he was always positive about everything and the best travel companion possible. Always cheerful and adventurous. Never complained. I certainly felt that the girl was being quite stupid about this cool vs non-cool thing, especially in a foreign country. If she had stopped her "prejudice" a bit and worried less about image she would have much more fun.

Sorry for the rant. I certainly know gamers that are spooky and I might avoid them in non gaming social situations, but I wouldnt stop playing RPGs because others might think I am a wierdo. It might not be the image thing thou for you... but that was certainly my impression.

If your just very shy/very self concious... then you need someone to drag you to the games and just relax. RPG wont take a piece off you... and also no one is obliged to stand on the table and shout diety names when they make a Turn Undead. People wont hate you cause your not an amateur theatre actor. They will hate it if you cast the fireball in the middle of the group... but not because your "boring" to play with role-playing wise. Human beings are social animals...

 

[andargor]

So my question is this: How can you not feel like a complete and utter fool when role-playing?

Hey, just spotted this thread. I'll go with the general advice: go with what you are comfortable with.

My group roleplay their characters as accurately as possible: voices, mannerisms, personality conflicts, etc.

I have been playing with 2 other people in my group for 26 years, ever since I was 10 years old. And I'm the youngest at 36. We're all professionals, most have families.

I tell my colleagues at work and my non-D&D friends how we play. Sure, some think it's kinda strange, but normally I don't hang out with close-minded people. It's their problem, not mine.

And all the people I hang out with, and my girlfriends have all been ok with it. I just describe it as "theatre mixed with improvisation, with a lot of imagination".

So, it's really up to you if you want others to affect how you enjoy D&D. IMHO, do your thing, and enjoy it as I have for so long.

The story about how I started D&D is in my sig, perhaps it could inspire you...

Good luck,

Andargor

 

[William Ronald]

I think being a player first, and doing a little more roleplaying each session might be a good approach.

The character could start out as shy and somewhat reticient. If you become more comfortable, you can start adding different elements to the character's personality. Sometimes, it takes a while to get to know a person. The same is often true of characters.

As for feeling silly, I have never really felt silly about roleplaying. I like to think an RPG is a shared experience, involving story telling, humor, and other elements. (Sometimes, the real world will intrude on the roleplaying portion of the game. Such as the die that rolls forever, or the unfortunate spilled beverage.) My advice is to try a few sessions, and take it gradually. Metus, I hope you will become more comfortable about gaming in person. I think you would be a good addition to any group.

 

[DMauricio]

snippage...
So my question is this: How can you not feel like a complete and utter fool when role-playing? Does anyone have any good advice?

(Appologies to Eric's Grandmother if some of the language I use is a little harsh... but I feel what one can get away with as polite language differs here in Australia to elsewhere in the world.)


From your statement, it sounds like your problem stems from your own perceptions of tabletop role-playing (or even Live action)
Now I'm not going to analyse that any further than relating the following opinion... (and I'm not going to say its a bad thing, we each have our own styles none of which are right)

I think the secret to good gaming (be it D&D or what not) has to be about enjoying the hobby in a style that is comfortable with your own sensibilities. (be that Live Action, sitting around the kitchen table, or even online gaming)
You shouldn't feel foolish, nor embarassed about playing D&D, or wargaming or what ever other hobby floats your boat. (Provided its all in good fun)

Personally, I've never really been hooked on Live Action (in the vein of Minds Eye Theatre, and Living Greyhawk) as I'm less attracted to that style of play. I don't necessarily think that the people who do Live Action are foolish or shoule feel all that embarassed... but rather, that their preferences dictate the style of gaming they chose. And while I can cope quite well with Live Action gaming, I'd rather sit down somewhere with a bunch of friends and occasionally socialise whilst mid game (or occasionally game whilst mid socialising, depending on the day)

Then again, I'm not overtly fond of Online gaming or PBEM or even PBM. I can fathom the concept, I can accept its a viable method of gaming, but again, the style doesn't appeal to my sensibilities.
(mostly cause I miss the face to face approach)

Gaming for me is a means to socialise... where my friends and I can either sit around a table or lounge around a room. In as much as we do encourage playing in character, we're not going to belittle or berate players for not sticking to character all the time (well we'll generally make some remark, but its all in good fun)

Hell, we do voices, we do accents, sometimes we even pantomime actions (simply to convey meaning). We do game in a way that we find comfortable. Some people in our group can't help but stick to a third person perspective, others speak in first person whilst in character... at the end of the day, as long as we are comfortable with the situation and we've all had fun, the session hasn't been wasted.



HTH.



Dom

 

[Templetroll]

I recommend embracing the embarrassment. Once you realize that the first bit of roleplaying you do is the worst thing that will happen to you all day you can relax! The song, "supercalifragilisticexpialidocus" is about that; once you get that word out it just doesn't matter what else you have to say, it will all make more sense than that word did!



Another option is to try roleplaying with just one or two people, ease into it. Keep in mind that you don't have to do a lot of roleplaying at first either. One guy I gamed with started off with almost no input to any game he was in but he enjoyed the hell out every game because he saw it as a movie running before him. Anything that gets you out of yourself, away from viewing the reality of roleplaying and into the reality of the fantasy will help.

See, I'm not embarrassed by that babble!