The worst of all editions? (humor)

[Ichneumon]

Rules are one thing, but anyone who's played D&D long enough knows that what really makes a game best or worst is the players.

Scenario: A 5e DM has just finished running a fight in an ogre cave.

DM: After the last ogre falls, you search the cave. At the back, covered in bones, rubbish and other crud you prefer not to think about, is 500sp, 200gp, two emeralds worth 300gp each, and a +1 sword.

Here's what the players say.

"A +1 sword! We'd better roll for who gets it. Remember that if you get the sword, you forfeit any monetary treasure."

"That might be cursed. I'm not touching it till every detect spell imaginable is cast on that thing."

"Umm, hello, we're SIXTH LEVEL! We should have got a dumb old +1 sword way before this, like, second level at the latest!"

"I sell the sword for 360gp in town. Then I buy..."

"I'm glad that Fifth Edition has divorced +x items from the math of the game, rendering them unnecessary for prospering against level-appropriate foes. That being said, where's mine?"

"It make no sense to find a magic sword in an ogre cave. Ogres use clubs, and only keep coins and gems as treasure. A sword would've been broken and tossed out long ago."

"I need an axe for my build, not a sword. You do know what my build is, don't you?"

"You mean it doesn't do anything else? Vanilla +x items are so lame. They're just a bonus on your character sheet. Our 4e DM always used the inherent bonus rule..."

"Thanks to 5e's flexible combat rules, I can put aside the chair leg I've been specializing in up till now, and use this sword instead!"

"This is like a Common item, so we should have been able to buy it in a magic shop."

"Where's the armor, shield and other stuff that the adventurer who got killed here would have been carrying?"

"We found a backpack of holding just a couple of fights ago. Including a +1 sword in this treasure is just Monty Hauling it. Whatever happened to magic being rare and precious?"

"If you'd let us use wish lists, we would've found something much better."

 

[thedungeondelver]

Rules are one thing, but anyone who's played D&D long enough knows that what really makes a game best or worst is the players.

Scenario: A 5e DM has just finished running a fight in an ogre cave.

DM: After the last ogre falls, you search the cave. At the back, covered in bones, rubbish and other crud you prefer not to think about, is 500sp, 200gp, two emeralds worth 300gp each, and a +1 sword.

Here's what the players say.

"A +1 sword! We'd better roll for who gets it. Remember that if you get the sword, you forfeit any monetary treasure."

"That might be cursed. I'm not touching it till every detect spell imaginable is cast on that thing."

"Umm, hello, we're SIXTH LEVEL! We should have got a dumb old +1 sword way before this, like, second level at the latest!"

"I sell the sword for 360gp in town. Then I buy..."

"I'm glad that Fifth Edition has divorced +x items from the math of the game, rendering them unnecessary for prospering against level-appropriate foes. That being said, where's mine?"

"It make no sense to find a magic sword in an ogre cave. Ogres use clubs, and only keep coins and gems as treasure. A sword would've been broken and tossed out long ago."

"I need an axe for my build, not a sword. You do know what my build is, don't you?"

"You mean it doesn't do anything else? Vanilla +x items are so lame. They're just a bonus on your character sheet. Our 4e DM always used the inherent bonus rule..."

"Thanks to 5e's flexible combat rules, I can put aside the chair leg I've been specializing in up till now, and use this sword instead!"

"This is like a Common item, so we should have been able to buy it in a magic shop."

"Where's the armor, shield and other stuff that the adventurer who got killed here would have been carrying?"

"We found a backpack of holding just a couple of fights ago. Including a +1 sword in this treasure is just Monty Hauling it. Whatever happened to magic being rare and precious?"

"If you'd let us use wish lists, we would've found something much better."

Oh my god, all of these are GOLD. These however:

"I need an axe for my build, not a sword. You do know what my build is, don't you?"

and

"Thanks to 5e's flexible combat rules, I can put aside the chair leg I've been specializing in up till now, and use this sword instead!"

...are a riot!

 

[Cadfan]

Character creation takes at least several hours, including detailed back stories. These are mandatory, because they're worked mechanically into the Theme subsystem of the game. Level 1 characters have a maximum of 8 hit points, and level 1 monsters regularly deal 1d8 damage on attacks. Death occurs at 0 hit points.

 

[FireLance]

A group of 23-201 natural humanoids (human) (% liar: 30%, see page xx) approach. They are following the road east, neither tarrying nor running nor shifting nor taking 5' steps nor provoking attacks of opportunity. Their faces are expressionless, although it could simply be boredom from all the wandering monster and weather change checks the DM is making for what should be a simple overland journey. One is dressed as a warlord, warpriest, warlock, warden, warmage or warrior of some sort, and another is disguised as a warforged, shardmind, dragonborn, tiefling, wildren, high elf, grey elf, wood elf, valley elf or star elf. The others could be sages or specialists going from one location to another. Each carries some sort of weapon, such as a mercurial greatsword, a spiked chain, a two-bladed sword, an urgrosh, a double flail, a bill-guisarme, a fauchard-fork, tanglefoot bags, alchemist's fire, or a Colossal dagger (monkey gripped). It is plain that they are not Lawfully aligned by their haphazard way of walking. They do not seem to be joking loudly or singing or using shapechange or find traps or knock or come and get it or vicious mockery or encounter powers or healing surges as they advance.

 

[Number48]

This isn't from a D&D edition but:

It is possible to die during character creation.

 

[FireLance]

It is possible to die during character creation.

After completing Step 12 of the list posted by Remathilis.

 

[SoldierBlue]

Charts from 1e (insanity, anyone?); kits from 2e; artwork from 2e; numbers of races of elves from 3e; kender; 4e halflings; the inexplicable use of blue in the 2e core rulebooks...

 

[howandwhy99]

This isn't from a D&D edition but:

It is possible to die during character creation.

In Traveller you could die in your youth. In early D&D you could die during character creation / your youth too.

1. Roll HP 1d6 (or by class).
2. Adjust by Constitution.

Roll a 1 and modify that down to 0 = 1 dead PC.

 

[CM]

Not a feature of the rules but the adventures. And you can't pin this on any one edition--it was every edition:

Flametongue swords found in the white dragon or frost giant lair
Frost brand weapons found in the red dragon or fire giant lair
Holy weapons found in the mummy/lich tomb
Any magic item found in the local latrine

Mirrored shields found in the medusa's lair (oh, wait...)

 

[Someone]

At some point, a monster casts Animate Leather Straps and the sorcerer dies strangled by hiw own clothing in a epic 3 hour struggle involving the Grapple rules.