TOUCHY SUBJECT RANT: What if you don't like the people you game with?

[Vocenoctum]

I think the player-DM relationship is an important one in any group; if the player doesn't trust the DM they shouldn't be playing IMO. Likewise if the DM doesn't trust the player (not to cheat, not to insult other players, et al) they should probably suggest the player should leave. Player-player relations are a bit less important but if players actively dislike each other they should really look for a different group.

A friend of mine had played with another group as well, and after some discussion, I was invited to DM them a campaign. I knew all the folks therein, as friends of friends kind of thing.
First session, the old DM starts helping one of the other guys with his character. The other guy played, but really had no sense of the rules, he was just there to bash stuff. Other guys GF was also there, plus my friend and two others. Old DM is helping Other Guy make a cleric, and explaining how you get all your bonus spell levels as 1st level spells. (i.e. your wisdom gets 2 bonus 1st, one bonus 2nd, 3rd, 4th level, so that translates into 11 spell levels, so 11 bonus 1st level spells.)
I explained we wouldn't be using that house rule of his, he sword it was a real rule, and then spent the rest of the session looking through the book to find it after I said "prove it".
So, while the other five are running through a short encounter in Hommlet, he's searching books and muttering. Everyone had a decent time I believe, but the arguement with him capped off the evening.
Next session, he decided he wouldn't play with my mangled rules. (a mix of 1 & 2 editions, I snuck some stuff into their 1st edition style, like d10's for init and such) I said "okay, bye" and he took Other Guy and his GF with him.

The point to the meandering (besides me pointing out that I hated that guy) is, the rest of us, 3 PCs and the DM, played through Temple of Elemental Evil, and had a great time. The only drawback was gaming so late into the night that I was nearly dead in the mornings.
(campaign went on for a few months)

the game was much better IMO, than if their Old DM had stayed around. I'm glad he couldn't stretch himself enough to stay in the game and give it a try.

 

[Nighthawk]

I think my definition of a friend is narrow, so I am unsure of what word to use here.

My gaming experience has been that rarely have I gamed with actual friends. I do not concern myself with whether or not I actually like a person, although admittedly there has to be a level of cooperation and interaction for this to succeed. For myself, if the personal dynamics are working well enough within the playing group, what happens outside of said group is irrelevant to me. This is probably easier for me because I am more of secondary rather than a primary player (i.e. rarely do I go into the spotlight for more than a brief moment, if that makes any sort of sense at all).

My outlook has been greatly impacted by the fact that I have never had many choices with regards to being part of a playing group.

If there is something to be learned, irrespective of others, is that it is worthwhile to be honest with one's self and go from there. Whatever decisions are made, realize that they were indeed made by one's self. Essentially, what can I accept and not accept? What are my boundaries or limits?

I have never been part of group in which all of its members are open and honest with each other, or socializes together. Two or three individuals, yes, but that's about it. I wonder what that would be like?

 

[stevelabny]

for those of you who say you only game with "friends"
i'll also assume you only do other fun stuff with friends...
how exactly do you make NEW friends?

After 3.0 came out, I wanted to find a game, searched the 'net, wound up here, found a local game...and made new friends.
If the people would have been irritating, I wouldn't have kept playing, but you can never know whos gonna be your new friend until you actually MEET them.

 

[Desdichado]

Yeah, I'm always on the prowl for potential new players, but I don't want to play with just anyone either. I want to play with folks that are my friends, and I want to meet them and make sure we're fairly compatible before I invite them to be a permanent part of my gaming group.

It's easier to be a little hesitant before letting someone in than it is getting rid of someone you decide you don't want, I've learned. Unfortunately, the hard way.

 

[Helspar]

DYSFUNCTION

Perfect for:

- John Gray acolytes
- Distilling most 12-step programs into one very pungent epiphany
- Bringing closure. But with a slam
- Those seeking to dump someone who can't bring themselves to say, "It's not you, it's me" because oh man, it's him (or her), and it's time he (or she) heard it
- Dreaded_Beast
- Disaffected college students

 

[Arnwyn]

So, has anyone had any similar situations or feelings and were you able to deal with it or solve your problems?

No, thankfully. As many others here have noted, I only game with friends.

Though, hypothetically, if I did have to deal with such a situation, I probably would have done exactly what you did - leave. IMO, you did the right thing. (So it's not a "touchy rant" at all!)

(Aside: Though I do think it strange and unfortunate that you just sat on your concerns, I certainly understand why. People deal with each other in a myriad of different ways, and conflict isn't much fun. Just as I would have no problem snapping right back at a strung-out person snapping at me, others would not want to.)

 

[Rel]

I read this thread when it was relatively new and didn't feel I had much to add, but something I was posting in another thread gave me an insight that I thought I'd share:

The guys I game with are all very close friends. The most recent one of them to join our group of friends was around 7 years ago. I've known one of them for over 25 years since we were little kids. Does this enhance the quality of the game itself? Probably not much.

But what I think it does do is make us all more tolerant of each other's gaming styles and able to take some pleasure in each other's fun, even when we are not in the spotlight ourselves. For example:

One of the guys in our group is a "butt kicker" style of gamer. He is happiest when the swords are swingin' and the monsters are dyin'. I, as the GM, try to accomodate this and there is quite a bit of combat in my campaign. But the last couple of sessions have required a lot of pretty intense roleplaying as the party tries to avert an unnecessary war and get some NPC's to focus on the real danger. There has been almost no combat and the Butt-Kicker's character has only been mildly involved in the heavy roleplaying.

But he's having a lot of fun watching the other guys have fun.

Many of these other players are "in the zone", doing what their characters do best and what they as players really enjoy, exploring the plot and interacting with NPC's to delve deeper into the story. And the Butt-Kicker is happy for them because he likes them and enjoys seeing them be happy (it probably helps that these other guys are a combination of good roleplayers and just very funny people so it is entertaining watching them do their thing). If he only knew these other guys through gaming and did not consider them to be "friends", I suspect that he'd be more disgruntled that the game was not focusing more on his own character's preferred style of play.

And this attitude is reciprocated by the other players. Most of their characters are not as obtimized for combat as the Butt-Kicker's is and tend to be slightly outshined by his melee prowess. But those players are happy to see him have such a good time laying down the smack.

Finally I'll draw an extremely uncomfortable metaphor given what I've just described about our game group: It's sort of like sex. You can certainly enjoy it when you're just in it for yourself. But if you genuinely care how much fun the other party(ies? ) involved is having, it adds a whole new level of enjoyment. And they're more likely to invite you back for another session.

All things considered, I'd just as soon my gaming buddies not read that last part of the post.

 

[Bards R Us]

Nope I've been blessed with a pretty good group of people so far. Even though some of the people have differing playstyles (i.e. min/maxer, munchin, roleplayer) we've been able to smooth out the differences so far. And these are people I have never met before in my life.

 

[Sidereal Knight]

In high school and college, I gamed with groups of friends. We also socialized together and (in some cases) lived together. For the most part, we had good times... I am reminded of a Call of Cthulhu game I ran that ended up terrifying one of the players a few days later

But I digress...

For a year or so after college, I didn't game very much. The college group scattered to the four winds, and most of the people I was meeting weren't interested in gaming (or I wasn't interested in gaming with them).

Finally, I was invited to join an established group by a proto-friend. I ended up gaming with them for the last 7+ years... In that time, the members have changed somewhat, and at this point I only count one of the current group as a "friend." (I should... he's my life-partner!) The rest are friendly acquaintances at best, and "folks-I-game-with" at worst. They aren't bad people, and I do enjoy gaming with them, but we don't socialize outside of gaming and taking in the new LotR movies. We just don't have that much in common outside of gaming.

There are probably a lot of reasons for this: age differences (early 30's for me, early 40's for most of the others), geographic differences, differences in interest, etc.

(Why do I stay in this game? It's fun for the most part, and we don't have a lot of personality conflicts, but probably the best answer is inertia.)

Then, a couple of months ago, my partner and I joined another game organized by a couple of friends we know outside of gaming. I feel like I have more in common with the new group than in any other I have played with since college. It's a bit early to call these new acquaitances "friends", but I think the potential is there. I'm optimistic about this group... and I'm honest enough with myself to know I don't make friends easily.

In fact, my dear husband asked me if I was worried that we'd get bored with the first group. I had to answer "a bit".

 

[CanadienneBacon]

Kim 'n Eric?! You know Shannon and Wendy?