Unique Classes in a Sentence

I think this thread has become less about "succinct description" and more about "catch phrase". I don't think cute quips are going to be much help in describing the core concept of a class.
 

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NOTE: The following contains words, titles, names, and terminology from a buncha different editions that may mean different things to different people. Please do not get your panties into a bunch because I use am using a word or title differently than you think/want or applying terms you disagree with. I'm just spit-ballin' here...total hypothetical for 5e. Doin' my best to give the OP what he's asking for. /NOTE

[EDIT] Forgot the "examples" for most of them. heh heh. oops.[/EDIT]

Avenger: The avenger is a master of stealth using hard fast hitting, often capable of incapacitating (if not killing) in a single blow, in the service of some personal cause. Disguse/spying, Stealth skills/abilities, Bonuses to use of "small/simple" weapons (daggers, hand crossbows, bolo, etc.) Apply Alignment restriction to "non-Lawful" if/as desired.
Examples: Batman, Assassin's Creed.
--Assassin: is an Avenger with the Assassin Theme who has no qualms about killing, be it for profit, a personal vendetta or some greater cause. "Kill Attack", Poison Creation/Use and attack/to hit and damage bonuses other classes do not possess as part of their "package/theme." Apply Alignment restriction to "Evil" or "non-good" if/as desired by the DM.
--Ninja: is an Avenger with the "Shadow weaver" Theme. They receive skills/abilities similar to the Assassin plus special shadow magic ability. Apply Alignment restriction to "Evil" or "non-good" if/as desired by the DM.

Champion: The champion is a skilled warrior who fights for a cause. Similar to the avenger, this cause might be personal gain, profit, religious in nature, or some "greater ideal/code" they stand for. Heavy armor and weapon proficiencies, invoking "auras" of various effect as relates to their cause.
Examples: Galahad, Lancelot, Joan d'Arc, Sir Roland, the Jedi, pretty much any "knightly" sort you can think of.
--Paladin: is a champion who possesses the "Order/Law/Good/Divine/Holy/etc." Theme, fighting for the "greater good" of their church/deity. Heavy hitting against Evil creatures, demons and undead and various divinely granted gifts/powers. Apply Alignment restriction to "LG" or "G" if/as desired by the DM.
--Cavalier/Knight: is a champion who possesses the "Order/Law/Noble?/Valor?/etc." Theme, fighting for their cause of choice but doing so mostly from combat. Heavy hitting from horseback, additional damage against chosen "sworn enemies" (of the crown, country, deity, people, etc. whatever is against the Knight/Cavalier's chosen code/cause/ideals) and receiving various gifts/powers of diplomacy and nobility. Apply Alignment restriction to "any Lawful" if/as desired by the DM (the cavalier/knight has rules/codes/ideals they believe in and follow, just not as stringently or divinely oriented as a Paladin) .

Fighter: The fighter is the master of combat, arms and armor, whether specialized or a "man-at-arms" with any weapon, the fighter strikes most often, does more damage, and is tougher overall in a "fight" than other classes.
Examples: Beowulf, Conan, Fafrd, Madmartigan, Man-at-Arms from MotU.
--Barbarian: is a fighter who possesses the "Berserker/Savage/Rager/Primal/etc." Theme. They are able to hit harder and do more damage in a single blow through their sheer physical strength and determination than other classes. Skills/Abilities include tracking, resistance to magics (containing the savage mind of a Barbarian in a rage is nearly impossible), resistance to poisons (overcoming the Barbarian's immense fortitude/constitution is equally difficult) and heightened senses, in addition to added/bonus damage. Apply Alignment restriction to "any Chaotic" if/as desired by the DM.
--Warlord: is a fighter who possesses the "Strategist/Noble?/Veteran?/Leader/etc." Theme. They exude command on the battlefield moreso than any other class and are able to bolster and organize their comrades to heights they might not achieve alone. Skills/Abilities include imbuing temporary hit points, combating the effects of awe/fear/confusion, in addition to added bonuses in hitting/attack.

Cleric: The cleric is the defender, teacher, preacher and fighter of their faith/church/deity. They receive divine spellcasting, use of armor and limited weaponry (as allowed by their order), and divinely granted/gifted powers (turning undead, specialty priest/god-domain powers, etc.)
Examples: Archbishop of Canterbury, Turpin, Friar Tuck, Aleena (from BECM).
--Shaman: is a cleric who possesses the "Totemist/Savage/Primal/Rager/etc." Theme. They are the "holy men", speakers and dealers with "the unknown" of their tribe/culture, capable of healing and bolstering as well as speaking with and evoking spells/favors from their sacred totems, spirits and the "spirit world."
--Priest: is a cleric who possesses the "Ritualist/Divine/Diplomat?/Leader?/Oracle/Cloistered?/etc." Theme. They forgo the use of armor and most weaponry of the true cleric in exchange for a more intimate relationship with their divine power, imbuing them with greater spell-casting potential and influence over the faithful.

Rogue: The rogue may be a master of various abilities of stealth and thievery or a jack-of-many trades/skills relying on speed and skill to make their attacks. Skills/abilities include Stealth, Thievery, Sneak Attack and finding/removing (and laying) traps.
Examples: The Grey Mouser, Gord, Will Scarlet.
--Thief: is a Rogue who possesses the "Sneak/Snitch/Footpad/Streetwise/Locksmith/etc." Theme specializing their skill sets with getting into hard-to-reach places and taking what is there, increased skill with Thievery and Stealth. Apply Alignment restriction to any "non-lawful" if/as desired by the DM.
--Bard: is a Rogue who possesses the "Minstrel/Performer/Orator/Nature/Loremaster/etc." Theme. While receiving many of the Skills/Abilities of the Rogue, they also are able to use magical music to varying effect, including healing and bolstering their companions, certain natural and illusory enchantments, and highly charismatic and diplomatic in social settings able to glean/gather/overhear tidbits of information on a wide variety of subjects.

Mage: The mage is the masters of magic, some call him a wizard, some call her a sorceress, but all hold them in awe, fear or cautious respect for their command of the occult and the arcane. Arcane Spell use is the skill/ability of choice before any armor or the simplest of weapons and their ever-increasing knowledge on a variety of subjects few other classes would ever even hear or be aware of is unparalleled.
Examples: Merlin, Morgan Le Fey/Morgaine, the Lady of Shallot, Evil-Lyn from MotU.
--Spellweaver (nee Sorcerer): is a mage with the "Magic Lineage/Innate Adept/Enchanter/Mystic/Arcane Destiny/etc." Theme. Their ability to summon energies and form spell effects through their sheer force of will and/or hereditary bloodline, more often though generally less powerful than a true "Mage", is sometimes envied by those who are more reliant on their studies and mystic tomes, though the spellweaver is likely to have these as well.
--Witch: is a mage who possesses the "Herbalist/Medium/Nature/Moon-worshipper/etc." Theme. Their skill with the making of potions, potent "hexes", and ability to channel/speak with spirits and the dead is often misunderstood and viewed with caution and fear moreso than reverence. They may not have the capacity for the intense study to master the diversity of the mage's grimoire, but their alternate abilities can make the experienced witch just as powerful a dealer in the arcane as any mage.

Warlocks, Monks, et al. to come later.

--SD
 
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Druid: The druid is the guardian, advocate and priests of Nature and Balance their Skills/Abilities, weapons, druidic spell use, and shapeshifting are all honed for this purpose. Apply Alignment restriction of "any Neutral" or "True Neutral" as/if desired by the DM.
Examples: ummmm....arguably, Merlin/Myrrdin or the Lady of the Lake...uhhh. Who else? hm.
--Alternatlely, the Druid might be built as an Avenger or Champion with a "Woodlore/Nature/Animal Handler/etc." Theme, trading some of their magical abilities and spell-casting as "priests of Nature" for increased martial abilities to be "fighters/defenders/champions of Nature."

Ranger: The ranger is the master of the wilds, woodcraft, the hunt, defenders of the borderlands and unparalleled trackers. Their Skills/Abilities include tracking, woodlore, stealth and heightened fighting skills geared around skirmishing, ambushes, defending against specific foes and more than a little skilled with the bow.
Examples: Aragorn, Robin Hood, Drizzt.
--Alternate 1: a Ranger might be built as an Avenger or Champion with the "Tracker/Hunter/Woodcraft/Nature/etc." Theme. They for go some of their outdoor/survival skills for increased damage and fighting skill against their chosen enemies. Apply Alignment restriction to "Lawful" (for Champions) or "any good" (for Avengers) if/as desired by the DM.
--Alternate 2: a Ranger might be built as an Avenger or Fighter or Rogue with the "Tracker/Hunter/Streewise/Sneak/etc." Theme. These rangers do without their woodcraft and wild skills in exchange for more stealth, skill with traps (diffusing and setting!), and fighting skill for those who want an "Urban-based Ranger" or "Bounty Hunter" type.

Warlock: The warlock is neither a mage nor a spellweaver, nor is it a "male witch", though may certainly wear the trappings of any. They do possess some arcane spell knowledge/use, along with use of light armor and more extensive weaponry than your typical magic-user and, most notably, the formidable "eldritch bolts and curses" granted to them from the "pacts" with powerful arcane entities from which they receive their "magic powers" and are eternally bound. Apply Alignment restriction to "Evil" or "non-good" if/as desired by the DM.
Examples: again, uhhhhh....Merlin according to some tellings...anyone else?
--Alternately a Warlock might be created as a Mage or Spellweaver with the "Pact-bound/Infernalist/Evil/Demonic/etc." Theme, restricting their armor and weaponry to the limitations of those classes to increase their arcane potential and available spell-use.
--Alternately a Warlock may be created as an Avenger or Assassin with the "Pact-bound/Infernalist/Shadow/Evil/etc." Theme, forgoing their spell-casting (though not their eldritch bolts, cursing powers or eternal pacts) in exchange for increased stealth and fighting prowess in the service/cause of their patron.
 

4E has too many classes... here's my preference:

Six mundane classes:

Fighter: Master of a chosen weapon or deadly with all, the fighter possesses the resilience and tactics to outduel almost any opponent. [specialization bonuses or general bonuses; effective feats]

Barbarian: A powerful warrior and natural athlete, the barbarian unleashes the beast within to overpower opponents. [rage, feats of strength]

Commander (Warlord): A veteran soldier and natural leader, the commander helps the group realize its potential by working together. [group bonuses like a bard, grant extras to allies by 'aid another'-like actions]

Ranger: The ranger protects and expands a kingdom's frontier, blending deadly attacks with stealth to cripple the enemy and return home alive. [favored enemy, uses natural terrain to advantage]

Spy (Assassin): Master of disguise, poison, and the sneak attack, the assassin blends into the enemy's stronghold to bring back information or eliminate key personnel. [suprise or study --> death attack, social/stealth skill focus]

Rogue: A wanderer and jack-of-all-trades, the rogue relies on dirty fighting, luck, and skullduggery to survive danger and accumulate wealth. [first strike or flank-->sneak attack, devices/stealth skill focus]

Three semi-magical or minor spellcasters:

Paladin: A warrior called to service by a higher power, the paladin defends the innocent against all manner of evil with a strong arm and divine grace.

Monk: A mystic warrior and student of the trifold perfection, the monk is equally deadly with or without weapons and can perform astonishing feats with the mind, body, and spirit.

Skald (Bard): A competent warrior and loremaster, the bard follows armies into battle to record history and ensure that great deeds live on forever in song.

Six full spellcasters: get rid of the arbitrary divine/arcane divide, just give each class a spell list that makes sense for its tradition.

Cleric: A cleric trains in temples to wield divine magic and political power to spread the influence of his or her patron deity. [domains + channel]

Oracle: A soul chosen by anonymous gods for great deeds, the oracle has powerful divine magic but is also marked by a curse. [see PF]

Druid: A magician allied with no human gods or higher mysteries, but the primal forces of Nature. [wild shape]

Witch: An adherent of the oldest magical tradition, the witch uses both "divine" and "arcane" spells but relies mainly on curses and hexes. [see PF]

Wizard: The wizard studies for years to master arcane magic, but knows more of its secrets than any other class. [Learn any spell, even spells outside the wizard list at a cost. Lots of metamagic]

Sorcerer: Through an accident of birth, the sorcerer grows to maturity wielding the magic of an ancient bloodline. [bloodline powers and bonus spells by theme]
 

I care more for their role in the story, than the mechanics.

Fighter: loves combat.
Wizard: loves magic.
Cleric: loves God.
Rogue: loves treasure.
Druid: loves nature.
Bard: loves arts.
Ranger: loves Arwen.
Paladin: hates evil.
 

Adding a few that are less standard...

Summoner: I call forth powerful creatures to do my bidding.

Necromancer: I am the master over life and death.

Pirate: Yarr, I be the king of the high seas, landlubber.

Gladiator: My place is in the arena!

Theurge: I command powers both arcane and divine.

Blue Mage: I siphon power from mythical creatures.

Red Mage: I duel with fancy tricks of sword and sorcery, and wear a nice hat.

Tomb Raider: I explore ancient caverns, searching for lost treasure.

Courtier: I am the spider in a web of intrigue, the shadow behind the throne.

Assassin: You don't know who I am. If you knew, you would be dead by now.

Commoner: Country bumpkin? That farm don't defend itself. I killed my first goblin when I was 12, pointy hat.
 

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