Afrodyte
Explorer
The following are just observations and a bit of opinion. I am in no way convinced I'm right. It's completely subjective, and I'm not accusing every male gamer of all the behaviors here. I admit that some male gamers get along with me swimmingly, and they don't have to be gay or transsexual to do it. I just want to give you my perspective and come to some sort of consensus on these experiences. The things I'm about to say may just be part of a large string of coincidences, but if it's part of a larger problem, it'll help me deal with things better.
Without further ado, here are a few questions I have when it comes to my interactions with male gamers:
[whine/rant/honest emotional expression]
1. Why is it that male gamers are often so condescending? If I ask a question, why does it seem like they think I am completely ignorant? Whether they know the answer or don't even understand the question, why is it that I often get the answer I'd say was reserved for (to put it politely) the lowest common denominator?
2. Why is it that when I'm cranky or touchy, I'm suddenly thrust into the position of being a representative of all female gamers instead of just having that kind of day? Or, if they see me always losing patience with them, they never seem to question themselves or reflect on why I get irksome. A very exaggerated example. Say that every time I meet Bob, he throws a rock in my face. Bob often laughs it off and says he's kidding, but that doesn't negate the fact that I don't like having rocks thrown in my face. Then, one day, I get tired of it, and every time Bob throws a rock at me, I pick up a stick and whack him with it. Now, rather than ask, "What did I do to deserve that?" Bob asks, "Why are you so unreasonable (or some variation thereof)?" Then, on the off day he doesn't throw a rock in my face, he jests (sorta), "Are you gonna hit me with the stick?" Or worse yet, just labels me as neurotic or irrational and goes about his business.
3. How come guys often state their opinions as facts, and their requests as demands? Now, I would concur that this is probably less a male-female interaction thing than varying definitions of what it means to be tactful. However, when I'm communicating, guys often mistake my saying, "I feel that..." for "It is an indisputable fact that..." What's worse, I often feel like they expect me to be more conscientious regarding their feelings than they are of mine. Why is it that so many guys think that saying, "Please don't do (whatever it was I did to upset them) again" is completely reasonable, but my saying, "Listen, John, when you do/say XYZ, it makes me think you believe I'm (insert unflattering adjective here)" is me being hypersensitive?
4. Must guys have an opinion for eeeeeverything? Is every statement up for debate? Why is it that guys often take a difference of opinion or preference as an opportunity to convert me to their way of seeing things? It doesn't matter what it is. Why do they always try to win, even if there's nothing to win in the first place? Or, whenever I disagree with them, they try to undermine my thoughts and feelings rather than the issue at hand. There is no quicker way to feel sub-human than to have your capacity for conscience, feeling, and rational thought questioned at every turn. When I express some variation of this, do I get, "I see where you're coming from. My bad"? Nope. I get, "You shouldn't feel that way."
What's so infuriating about all this is that so much could be nipped at the bud by applying a little bit of forethought and a little bit of awareness that people are different but still deserving of the same respect. What's doubly aggravating is that I try to extend this courtesy to everyone I meet, but it is often not recognized as courtesy, and that same consideration is often not reciprocated. I'm getting very tired of that, and I'm starting to let people know. Unfortunately, I don't get it right all the time, and this causes people to think I'm some sort of lunatic or some cold, heartless b****.
[/whine/rant/honest emotional expression]
I think I'll stop here because to burden you with more of my inner life would be boorish. Thanks for listening.
Without further ado, here are a few questions I have when it comes to my interactions with male gamers:
[whine/rant/honest emotional expression]
1. Why is it that male gamers are often so condescending? If I ask a question, why does it seem like they think I am completely ignorant? Whether they know the answer or don't even understand the question, why is it that I often get the answer I'd say was reserved for (to put it politely) the lowest common denominator?
2. Why is it that when I'm cranky or touchy, I'm suddenly thrust into the position of being a representative of all female gamers instead of just having that kind of day? Or, if they see me always losing patience with them, they never seem to question themselves or reflect on why I get irksome. A very exaggerated example. Say that every time I meet Bob, he throws a rock in my face. Bob often laughs it off and says he's kidding, but that doesn't negate the fact that I don't like having rocks thrown in my face. Then, one day, I get tired of it, and every time Bob throws a rock at me, I pick up a stick and whack him with it. Now, rather than ask, "What did I do to deserve that?" Bob asks, "Why are you so unreasonable (or some variation thereof)?" Then, on the off day he doesn't throw a rock in my face, he jests (sorta), "Are you gonna hit me with the stick?" Or worse yet, just labels me as neurotic or irrational and goes about his business.
3. How come guys often state their opinions as facts, and their requests as demands? Now, I would concur that this is probably less a male-female interaction thing than varying definitions of what it means to be tactful. However, when I'm communicating, guys often mistake my saying, "I feel that..." for "It is an indisputable fact that..." What's worse, I often feel like they expect me to be more conscientious regarding their feelings than they are of mine. Why is it that so many guys think that saying, "Please don't do (whatever it was I did to upset them) again" is completely reasonable, but my saying, "Listen, John, when you do/say XYZ, it makes me think you believe I'm (insert unflattering adjective here)" is me being hypersensitive?
4. Must guys have an opinion for eeeeeverything? Is every statement up for debate? Why is it that guys often take a difference of opinion or preference as an opportunity to convert me to their way of seeing things? It doesn't matter what it is. Why do they always try to win, even if there's nothing to win in the first place? Or, whenever I disagree with them, they try to undermine my thoughts and feelings rather than the issue at hand. There is no quicker way to feel sub-human than to have your capacity for conscience, feeling, and rational thought questioned at every turn. When I express some variation of this, do I get, "I see where you're coming from. My bad"? Nope. I get, "You shouldn't feel that way."
What's so infuriating about all this is that so much could be nipped at the bud by applying a little bit of forethought and a little bit of awareness that people are different but still deserving of the same respect. What's doubly aggravating is that I try to extend this courtesy to everyone I meet, but it is often not recognized as courtesy, and that same consideration is often not reciprocated. I'm getting very tired of that, and I'm starting to let people know. Unfortunately, I don't get it right all the time, and this causes people to think I'm some sort of lunatic or some cold, heartless b****.
[/whine/rant/honest emotional expression]
I think I'll stop here because to burden you with more of my inner life would be boorish. Thanks for listening.
