What It's Like For a Gamer Girl

[Teflon Billy]

...I need to visit Vancouver. Is it really becoming more like Amsterdam with "coffee" shops operating in the open?

It is indeed.

 

[Seaver]

A lot of good points in this thread. Me and my close buddies are brutal towards eachother. In my ciricle you will hear a thousand insults about your heritage, sexuality, intelligence, testicular fortitude, and other things before you hear a single compliment. We humiliate each other in public, we take shot after shot at each other. It's what we do, it's how we've bonded. No malice is involved and we laugh about it. I don't know if a thin skinned woman would last long at our gaming table.

St. Louis here too.

Wow, sounds like the guys I hang out with. Pity just encourages a guy to feel sorry about himself. Harsh verbal brutality in the face of whining self pity snaps ya out of the dumps faster than anything. Hard to be sad and weepy when you are having to defend your testicular fortitude.

 

[Teflon Billy]

Oh, come over here, you big softie, and give me a hug!

Well, you've got that Long red hair and that pale milky complexion...

Throw on a catholic schoolgirl outfit and you'll get your hug

 

[ergeheilalt]

I suppose the attitudes men exhibit in your statements and questions go beyond gamers, as I have scene it in different social "groups".

First, let me say that I play online with 2 female gamers, both very different. One has a great grasp for the rules and takes on her persona (up to this time, all females) very well. She is well liked by the group (5 other guys). As much as be "bag" on women (which is rare, we mostly jibe the paladin), she can shoot out funny quips just as readily. The other has a rough idea of the rules (shes played since second edition), but is a tad bit ditsy. We (a different group than the first, 6 other fellas), get frustrated at times, but overall we enjoy her company. I'm in two other groups with no women (one table top, one online), and I find them to be less interesting.

It seems to me that the experience you've had stem from a different group aspect. I know my friend and his group view their game as a "guys night". It could be that you've joined a group of gamers who take that view, seeing their gaming like guy's poker game - a place to complain about and bash women. If that is the kind of behavior you are greeted with, you might need to seek a group who find women a valuable addition to their group rather than an "irrational, temperamental" burden.

Good luck in your search,

Erge

 

[Brother Shatterstone]

Afrodyte, well I will not say their are not guys like that in the world, I do think it was a pretty board sweep but I can understand that. To be honest I've never had a gaming session with a lady (or girl your pick) their. Back during my childhood it was usually me and two other male friends, or at the most three, and it was so bad that we usually had multiply pc just to make it work, or how about the DM having a PC in the game? I wish I could address your issues more at hand but can't. So all I can say is that not all guys are like that and I wish you luck on finding a good group. Hopefully, it was just one of those days that you needed to vent and that tomorrow will bring a better day. If not remember the cartoon above as it's probably more true than any guy would want to admit... at least openly.


If not take a break for your gaming group and do some PbP as no one can tell what sex you are and you would still be able to get your RPG fix. All I do is PbP, as my oh so "wonderful" work schedule cripples any ability to do more, and I have a blast doing it.


~+~+ Edited for typeo's, I can't stand them but I seem to make alot. +~+~

 

[Creamsteak]

Must guys have an opinion for eeeeeverything?

If it's not going to hurt anyone, I don't see any reason not to. I have opinions about the different textures of cheese that you can get in the many cheese-places in Wisconsin. I mean, some places sell 7 year aged sharp cheese that is chalky to the point of actually ruining the taste of the cheese. Seems like I'd rather have the 10 year aged cheese from about 20 miles up the road that still retains a vague amount of it's moisture, since it's more edible. Problem is, it doesn't cut as well, and tends to be insanely brittle.

Is every statement up for debate?

I certainly hope so. I don't mind debating the cheese factor with someone else. Seems like it'd be pretty interesting to find out just why theres always more people buying cheese from the shop that I don't like as much as my favorite. I mean, really, isn't everything up for debate?

Just had to field those two questions. I've been accosted with, "Why do guys have so much circular thinking?" and "Why do you always have to argue about everything?" enough times to know that it happens to be the way I like things. I like to think about trivialities, and varied philosophies that often contridict each other and bring me back to a single point.

 

[Djeta Thernadier]

This is perhaps the most useful and perceptive post on this thread yet.

This is a pretty common phenomenon, and one that is forced upon boys from an early age. They are taught that there is no difference between women and men, so when they interact the boys inevitably treat the women the same. And as much as some women might claim they want it, I've never met one that truly did.

Okay. This is a good place to start. I am a girl gamer and I have on several occasions on ENworld gone over my past bad experiences with gamers.

One of the groups was a group of very immature guys who didn't want me to play because they (THEY not GUYS IN GENERAL) thought I would be intruding upon their "guy" time. My boyfriend at the time, was the DM of this group and that was what he told me. His gaming friends were always very rude to me, not "one of the guys" kind of rude, but [insert derogatory term for women here] kind of rude. It wasn't treating me as "one of the guys".

All my life my best friends have been guys. I typically find guys (or very tomboyish women) easier to get along with than women. I don't know why. Over the years my guy friends have treated me like one of the guys and I can be raunchier than most of them any day o' the week...and proud of it.

But what the guys in that group were was 1. immature and not used to women being around . 2. Jealous that I was "stealing" their DM away most of the time and angry that I had dared infringe upon their last guys only thing. And also 3. Angry that the guy dared ask if I could play.

I don't think their problem was that they were male. I think it was that they were very immature for college age people.

The next bad experience I had with a gaming group involved several guys and two women. The DM of that group was also someone I dated (I must be somehow drawn to DMs...).
He didn't want to have me in his game because he claimed he would be unable to treat me "fairly" like everyone else and would be inclined to give me preferential treatment. The other major player in this group was one of the women, who literally drips of pretentiousness. I wasn't "goth" enough for her and so between DMboy there and Gothgirl, it was decided I was out. The rest of that group was guys and another girl (the girlfriend of one of the other players and gothgirls husband were all in the group).
All the other guys were ok with the idea of my playing. One of them had quite a few arguments as to why I should be allowed to play with DMboy and well...it just got kinda weird and I left.

I don't blame that on them being GUYS . I blame that on them being snobby. The girl was FAR worse. She was the sort of person who was convinced that the guys she gamed with were "hers...all them hers and hers alone!" and the idea of me "intruding" was not big on her list. She tolerated the other girl only because none of the guys ever paid any attention to her.

So I guess what I'm saying is , I think maybe you should step back and see if maybe these guys are just treating you like one of the guys, and you just arent used to that. Or maybe they are just not good people to game with/hang out with.

All of the guys in the game I'm now in are awesome, and I haven't met a guy on ENWorld who seemed like he had a problem like those you describe.

 

[Camarath]

This is a bit general but I saw this thread and thought I would post the principle that has helped me, more than any other, to relate to and sympathize with the rest of mankind.

Human beings are fundamentally insane.

I have found this bit of insight to be very helpful. It has helped me gain a tenuous grasp on many of the more perplexing aspect of human behavior. And yes, I do believe that I myself am insane just like everyone else, other wise I don’t think I could explain my own behavior.

Once you accept this universal insanity you can begin to deal rationally with others. People do not make sense unless you understand that their actions are controlled by factors you will never see or full understand. Factors most people do not understand or even recognize in themselves. Everyone is controlled by forces they can not fully control. The reason the actions of others make no sense is they are not you. They do not see the world as you do. Their world is not your world. If you want to understand why someone does something you first need to understand the world they as they understand it.

I am DM and a man. I have found that both men and women can cause difficulties in our group. As a general principle when I have difficulties with men I tend to punch them in the face (usually metaphorically) and when I difficulties with women I have found it more effective to try and change their understanding of the context that surrounds the issue in question. I don't really know how to explain this very well. With men I like to confront them directly and with women I like to make the confrontation irrelevant.

I do sometimes make my male friends lives a living hell but I never (well usually never) do this to my female friends. This because wile I know that in general unless I really go to far my male friends will not hold it against me and if they do I will find out and we can deal with it. With most of my female friends I am never quite sure how far I can go with out waking up dead one day. I torment them; sure, I just temper my cruelty with the knowledge that I have to sleep sometime. It is safer that way...

 

[Tidus4444]

Well, you've got that Long red hair and that pale milky complexion...

Throw on a catholic schoolgirl outfit and you'll get your hug

Speaking from someone that goes to a catholic school... those uniforms are completely unnatractive. The jumpers are butt ugly and there's nothing "mini" about those skirts the school requires them to wear to their shin. Japanese schoolgirl uniform is where it's at!

 

[Buttercup]

I'm weighing in a tad late on this thread, but better late than never, I suppose.

Like Djeta, I've recounted my bad experiences before, so I won't rehash them. But I think it's worth mentioning that most of them were with college age guys. Right now the youngest guy in my gaming group is 32. The oldest is 52. I haven't ever had a single moment of discomfort, and there hasn't been any of the behavior you describe in your initial post.

My experience and observation these days, both at the game table and away from it, has been that most men are decent human beings who treat women just fine. Locally, I've gamed with half a dozen guys, and none of the problems you mentioned have ever reared their ugly heads. And when I was at GenCon, I met a few dozen of the guys who frequent this place. None of them were condecending, or obnoxious in any way. In fact, they were all great guys who I would be proud to game with or even just hang out with. I don't want to gush, but I can't imagine any of them behaving the way you described. They're proof of the existence of decent men. (My husband is proof too, but you don't know him.)

I'm not trying to suggest that you didn't experience what you have said you did. I do think that a certain percentage of humanity are jerks. I run into one now and then, but perhaps my experience has been so good because you have been meeting my share as well as your own. Thanks for taking them off my hands.

That was a long-winded way of saying that guys in general aren't the problem. I think it's most likely a maturity issue.