What weapons are safest for the fumble prone?

[Stormonu]

The only weapon you can't hurt yourself with won't hurt the enemy either.

I say just get the deadliest weapon you can find. If you fumble with it, you won't survive to regret it.

 

[Stormonu]

Actually, on second thought, save or suck magic (at least, pre-4E) is the least dangerous weapon, at least to the caster. I don't think I've ever seen a critical fumble table for spells that don't have an attack roll and only force the victim to make a saving throw.

 

[MoxieFu]

Sock of butter. (iCarly fans will understand)

Sockfull of manure. For all those Woody Allen fans, and I think W. C. Fields too.

 

[Artur Hawkwing]

If you have to use a gauntlet, get a locked gauntlet. It's locked onto your hand so it's near impossible to fumble.

Cestus is also fun, since it wraps around your hand. But again, if you get an itch on your nose, be vewwwwwwwwwwy caweful. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh! </elmerfudd>

Safest weapon in any game I've heard of..my brother was in a game where a Cleric, who was one of those treasure horders, got ahold of an enchanted mace. It was almost a full month of gaming two days a week before it kicked in, the first time he had it readied. They were walking along a road near a field and the Cleric suddenly walked off into the field, got on all fours and started munching on grass. The GM then revealed it was a Mace of Perpetual Grazing, that any time he passed a field while the weapon was carried or readied (at his belt, didn't effect him in his pack) he would have to make will saves against going into the field and grazing for 2d8 turns.

Needless to say, the tears were flowing as he was determined to use the +2 mace and dealt with the grazing effect. Priceless stuff, especially since he would only cast in combat, wouldn't fight, even with the mace. If I ever write an adventure I'll include it on a random loot table somewhere. Grant, it's taking me forever to just do Carmen Sandiego RPG stuff so...who knows?

Anyway...sorry. Didn't mean to ramble.

There's also the monk method. Improvised weapons. Grab the nearby petrified Gnome and wield it as a club.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Peacock feathers! If you fumble, you'll still look FAAAABULOUS!

 

[Celebrim]

Actually, on second thought, save or suck magic (at least, pre-4E) is the least dangerous weapon, at least to the caster. I don't think I've ever seen a critical fumble table for spells that don't have an attack roll and only force the victim to make a saving throw.

So roughly the worst possible thing that can happen to you if you are casting a save or suck spell and you are interrupted under my rules is that the spell retargets the caster and you take 2d6 ability damage (which ability depends on spell school) and you take 2d6 damage/spell level and you lose 25 XP/spell level and you also accidentally target one of your friends with the spell. Granted, pulling that off would require epic bad luck, but it would be possible. Magic is afterall, magic.

What, you didn't think I'd have fumble rules for weapons only and favor spellcasters over non-casters did you?

Under my rules, the safest weapon to use if you are trying to avoid fumbles is a gauntlet. You still can stumble and fall down, or pull a muscle over exerting yourself, or become fatigued during the fight, but many results specifically don't apply when using a natural weapon and a gauntlet counts as one for most purposes except very importantly for the 'damage weapon' result.

On the other hand, if you are worried about fumbles, don't use a chain, wire, or rope weapon.

 

[Umbran]

Shield bash?

Clearly, you've never played a half-ogre who got his shield stuck between his tusks...

 

[Jhaelen]

It's already been mentioned, but basically it boils down to unarmed combat. Wearing mailed gloves should make it foolproof.

 

[Joker]

It's already been mentioned, but basically it boils down to unarmed combat. Wearing mailed gloves should make it foolproof.

People have knocked themselves out in the ring. You wanna compound that by adding steel to the equation?

 

[Jhaelen]

People have knocked themselves out in the ring.

Umm, really?! How did they do it?