Why do women send mixed signals?

[KenM]

Ok, so I was talking with this girl I meeet though a personal service. We have not meet, just talked on the phone. SHE asks if I wanted to meet her tonight for dinner. I said sure. So at my lunch hour today, I call her today on my lunch hour to take care of the details, ect.. Then she says she can't meet because she has to make plans with her family for the holiday weekend. Why ask me to dinner and then back off all of sudden? I'm sick and tired of getting mixed signals from women. "Ken, i know I kissed you on the mouth, but I did not mean it THAT way." and " I know I'm sleeping right against you in my panites and your tshirt, but we are just friends." Why can't women be more straghtforward?

 

[reveal]

Ok, so I was talking with this girl I meeet though a personal service. We have not meet, just talked on the phone. SHE asks if I wanted to meet her tonight for dinner. I said sure. So at my lunch hour today, I call her today on my lunch hour to take care of the details, ect.. Then she says she can't meet because she has to make plans with her family for the holiday weekend. Why ask me to dinner and then back off all of sudden? I'm sick and tired of getting mixed signals from women. "Ken, i know I kissed you on the mouth, but I did not mean it THAT way." and " I know I'm sleeping right against you in my panites and your tshirt, but we are just friends." Why can't women be more straghtforward?

Maybe she honestly forgot this weekend was a holiday. It doesn't really sound like she was sending mixed signals. Perhaps she really liked talking to you and got caught up in the moment and asked you to dinner. Did you ask her if she wanted to meet at another time?

 

[Xath]

I don't think it's a mixed signal either, unless she didn't want to rearrange dinner plans. It is a holiday weekend, and I know that July has really snuck up on me.

But just in case, what sort of things did you say in the lunch conversation?

 

[KenM]

She said I should call after this weekend. But I'm not going to, sounds to me like she wanted to blow me off. I'm just sick of women pulling this crap. I never treat anyone like this, but I guess its ok becuase people treat me like this. If you commit to something, make every effort to go though with it, i understand stuff comes up, but thats just wrong.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

She is being straightforward. We just don't speak their language.

 

[KenM]

But just in case, what sort of things did you say in the lunch conversation?

All I said was. "Hi, its Ken from last night, how were you?" "Good." "still want to meet for dinner tonight?" "I can't we have comapny this weekend and i have to get things together" I was annoyed but did not show it. "Ok" I said. "Call me after this weekend" she says. "bye" I hang up.
My point is it sopunded like she knew ahead of time she need to this the other stuff today. So why ask me to go out when she has to do other stuff? Why play games?

 

[was]

Genetics...

 

[sniffles]

Ok, so I was talking with this girl I meeet though a personal service. We have not meet, just talked on the phone. SHE asks if I wanted to meet her tonight for dinner. I said sure. So at my lunch hour today, I call her today on my lunch hour to take care of the details, ect.. Then she says she can't meet because she has to make plans with her family for the holiday weekend. Why ask me to dinner and then back off all of sudden? I'm sick and tired of getting mixed signals from women. "Ken, i know I kissed you on the mouth, but I did not mean it THAT way." and " I know I'm sleeping right against you in my panites and your tshirt, but we are just friends." Why can't women be more straghtforward?

They are not sending mixed signals. They changed their minds. It is the perogative of all human beings to change their minds, not just women. It may not have anything to do with you, or it may be second thoughts. Either way, blaming all women and complaining about it is not going to get you anywhere. You are more likely to find someone if you stop trying and just let it happen naturally. Contrary to e-harmony's ads, personal services are not really the way to meet people. The ones who get lucky with them are just that, lucky.

 

[The Shaman]

Paging Mr. Teflon Billy...Mr. Teflon Billy, please pick up the white courtesy phone...paging Mr. Teflon Billy...

 

[EricNoah]

Complicated Answer -- A summary of Games People Play (Eric Berne):

Most people (men and women both) play "games" in order to a) gain "strokes" (what you might call "warm fuzzies" -- but negative strokes like insults or violence can be a suitable substitute) and b) to affirm their essential life-view. She might be playing a game called "hard to get" and is expecting you to fulfill your role. If it goes right, she a) gets the warm fuzzies of having you persue her (it makes her feel wanted), and b) confirms some life-view she (probably unconsciously) holds to be a universal truth (it could be something like "Men are only interested in one thing" or "I'm ok, you're not ok" or "If a guy likes me, there must be something wrong with him because I don't like myself" or something even more complicated). And in fact, on some level she might be looking specifically for a partner who is willing to play the right games and be a "good player."

Some people don't like being forced to play games (understandably enough) or only want to play games on their own terms, and thus the bad feelings. Games are typically a substitute for intimacy, which is the "ideal" (non-game) method of obtaining strokes. Unfortunately, most people don't have enough opportunities for intimacy, and so must resort to games to gain strokes, and even then they live in a "stroke-deprived" state most of the time.

Simple answer: It's a dance -- the closer you move, the further back she moves; the faster you advance, the faster she retreats. If you back off a bit, she may advance. This goes on until she's figured you out or decided it's worth it to risk advancing when you advance.