Why do women send mixed signals?

[Majoru Oakheart]

You say that having a girlfriend would be nice, not having one isn't horrible. From that, and the rest of your post, I'm guessing then that you don't have a girlfriend, or have had many, and you aren't really looking for one?

KenM has said that he has a personal ad up, and is actively looking to find a partner. He broke up with his previous girlfriend a couple of months back and is using a strategy (internet dating) that he finds works best for him. However, he's had a setback with the girl flaking on him.

I am actively looking as well. As I mentioned, I created a thread that ended up asking pretty much the same question he did a couple of months ago.

I have personal ads up in a couple of places on the internet as well. My last relationship was a couple of months ago due to my personal ad. It was long distance for about 2 months, then I flew out to meet her, she got disgusted that I was a slob and couldn't stand the fact that I didn't brush my teeth one day during the weekend I was there and dumped me.

Before that, I've only had 2 real relationships, both about 3 and a half years long each.

Women are a little flaky sometimes. We deal with that, and I'm sure he'll meet someone that he likes soon enough. And when you do, Ken, send her younger sister to me. *grin*

 

[Tewligan]

I have met a few people though the personal ad, and for whatever reason it does not work out, the "spark" just was not there or whatever. I always say that it was fun meeting them and getting to know them a little, and wish them luck in the future. They were honest with me.

Is it really always fun meeting them, even when it was a painfully awkward date? Or is that just something you say to be polite?

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

KenM also made it plain that he expected a woman to agree to be with him, and in that agreement she was also agreeing to give up all of her friends, because he refuses to socialize with people he doesn't know (even if they are friends of the woman he's with). In my mind, that's an unrealistic expectation. 90% of the posts in this thread have been made by people who are trying to make him see that his expectations are unrealistic. Some posters have been more blunt than others. But, in my opinion, he seems to be fanning the flames himself every time he posts anew.

I understand where you are coming from, I'm just stating that you have to be a bit more flexable. 90% of the people here may think that his expectations are unrealistic. I, personally, like to think that people like he describe exist. I know most people here will say "there may be only 5% of women out there who are like that. It's unrealistic to try to find them." I know that the posters where would actually estimate the number that qualify as much less than that, so low as to basically be impossible. I prefer to think that if there are guys out there like me, Ken, and some of my friends, that it means there are women out there like us as well.

 

[BOZ]

watching people beat their heads against the wall trying to disrupt someone else's circular logic is only amusing for a little while.

and yet, i still keep reading! maybe i'm hoping it will get interesting again.

 

[The Traveler]

I prefer to think that if there are guys out there like me, Ken, and some of my friends, that it means there are women out there like us as well.

The question is, would you recognize them, and if you did would you be attracted to them?

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

she got disgusted that I was a slob and couldn't stand the fact that I didn't brush my teeth one day during the weekend I was there and dumped me.

Relationship rule #1: WASH YOUR NASTY ASS!

Yeah, Majoru, I remember your thread too.

I've noticed something about the relationship threads that pop up on ENWorld.

For the most part, people aren't interested in advice on getting a member of the opposite sex, since that takes time, effort, and honest to God caring about someone else.

They want to complain.

30 year olds with no job, 200 lbs overwieght, who don't shower every day expecting a supermodel to come down to the basement and romance them.

22 year olds who live with thier parents, who don't bathe, who want the woman to act as thier slave. Be there for what they want, but don't want to deal with the woman's problems

But you get advice on what you need to change, you don't want to hear it.

Relationship Advice #4: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? What are you bringing to the table. To quote Janet Jackson: "What have you done for me lately?"

So I provided advice, I was even nice about it. Instead Ken gave me excuses. The same damn excuses people give when they don't want to be bothered with changing, the world should change for them, it's not thier fault, God did this to them, life isn't fair, etcetera, etcetera, drekcetera.

Everyone has flaws, everyone has problems. The difference between what I've seen here and in other threads like it, is that many people are willing to work at fixing them, are willing to go the distance.

Are you?

 

[Ralts Bloodthorne]

I understand where you are coming from, I'm just stating that you have to be a bit more flexable. 90% of the people here may think that his expectations are unrealistic. I, personally, like to think that people like he describe exist. I know most people here will say "there may be only 5% of women out there who are like that. It's unrealistic to try to find them." I know that the posters where would actually estimate the number that qualify as much less than that, so low as to basically be impossible. I prefer to think that if there are guys out there like me, Ken, and some of my friends, that it means there are women out there like us as well.

Yeah, there are. But you overlook them constantly. They aren't "hot enough" for any of you.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

I understand where you are coming from, I'm just stating that you have to be a bit more flexable. 90% of the people here may think that his expectations are unrealistic. I, personally, like to think that people like he describe exist. I know most people here will say "there may be only 5% of women out there who are like that. It's unrealistic to try to find them." I know that the posters where would actually estimate the number that qualify as much less than that, so low as to basically be impossible. I prefer to think that if there are guys out there like me, Ken, and some of my friends, that it means there are women out there like us as well.

I'm sure you are correct and those types of women exist, but how do you think you will find each other? By mutually not going to social occasions and making small talk?

 

[Nareau]

For those of you just tuning in, here's a quick recap on the guy we're trying to help find a date:

KenM...
...has paid for sex with a stranger
...decided not to rape someone because he was afraid of being punished
...fails to get help for a mental disorder that he finds debilitating
...in only interested in other people when he needs something from them
...thinks that having a personal ad online is "taking a risk"
...uses a combination of sarcasm and martyrdom to mask his self-pitying and egotism
...blames God for his miserable life
...thinks that "getting even" is an appropriate way to handle being hurt

In the interest of being totally honest with people, I suggest Ken paste that list into his online personal ad.

In the interest of saving some innocent woman out there, I suggest people stop giving Ken advice on how to get a date. His posts make him sound like a bitter creep at best, and dangerously vindictive at worst.

Spider

 

[I'm A Banana]

Frankly, I was tired of people telling me my way of life was wrong when we had a thread about me that I stopped reading due to the amount of abuse (yes, it stopped being advice after the first person or two and just ended up being abuse) I was taking. I can't sit back and watch you guys do it to another person, however. You THINK you are helping, but you aren't.

In order to change the way your world works, you need to be welcoming of changing of yourself. You need to embrace the criticism, take the abuse, don't just shut out the world, and distill the virtue from the words. We've lit the torch aflame for Ken, just as we did for you, MO, but each individual has to torch their own fields, and built up from the ashes again.

To be a well-adjusted human being is to burn your fields time and time again as your life's circumstances dictate. There's no value in judging others unworthy of your time and attention for small infractions while you demand acceptance for your own.

Can you live your life happy without doing it? Sure. But I've known people who've lived their life happy to their dying day lying, cheating, stealing, and getting drugged. What makes your method so much more wonderful than theirs? What makes yours any more healthy? Any more worthy of society's respect?

As a person who refuses to change when they have the power to, you are an alcoholic who refuses to get help, a coke head who refuses to try and stop, a pedophile who justifies what they're doing by joining NAMBLA, or one of those pro-annorexia supporters. You are selfish and self-indulgent, and maybe that is okay for you. But there is NO reason that it has to be okay for ANYONE else. So you can either learn to play nice with others, or shelter yourself and protect yourself and refuse to change because you're right and no one's gonna tell you otherwise! Just like a NAMBLA member, just like a heroin addict who refuses help, just like someone who practices "safe annorexia."

For what it's worth, I think some part of KenM might want to get past it, get help, and change for the better. I think that flame needs to be fanned as much as possible. Because that is the Light Side of the Force. That is the hard path that will bear the most rewards. Because then he will be himself, and ALSO be in control of himself. This leads to confidence, bravery, and courage, and that leads to changing more, being more flexible, and in turn daring and changing the world, and THAT, MO, compadre, THAT is what being human is all about. We were put here as masters of this planet, not slaves to it.

I'm not just spouting babble. I lived it. I'm in it. You can be too. It is the harder path, but it is infinately more rewarding.

watching people beat their heads against the wall trying to disrupt someone else's circular logic is only amusing for a little while.

If you give up, man, the terrorists have already won! Who wants that?!