Why do women send mixed signals?

[Starman]

Am I the only one that feels better about themself after reading this thread?

Starman

 

[the Jester]

Ken, ignore the negative comments and focus on the advice. The fact that you're taking steps (i.e. seeing a new therapist) is great.

You are missing a lot of good advice that's hidden in the ranting. TB and WR and all the others in this thread are trying to help you in their own way. Although I agree with you that you don't need to change in ways that you do not want to in order to have a relationship (i.e. being a liar or doormat), I do think that you need to try to look at other peoples' perspectives a little more. Try to put yourself in their shoes, so to speak, and remember that there is sometimes more to something (or someone) than it at first appears.

Don't know if you're still reading here; either way, I wish you luck. I hope the new therapist can help you find what you're looking for.

 

[Torx]

Wow, after being fascinated for hours reading this thread, I must admit I'm tempted to delurk and reply.

I think I'll restate the core of the message here: Changing is hard and painful, but worth it.

However, change cannot occur if one is not even open to it. Ken, I implore you to open your mind to what these wise, caring people are saying. Many of them have faced hardships similar to yours, others altogether different hardships, but they have all learned as a result. I beg of you to do the same.

Learn from your mistakes and grow from them. Once again, change is difficult, but worth it. I am pleased to read that you're seeking counseling, which is almost always a great first step. The second, very important step, is to heed the advice of your counselor. Try not to chalk up their advice as misunderstanding you or not getting you. He or she very likely will have an excellent grasp of what is going on in your noggin.

Embrace change, as painful as it is. You will be a better man as a result, girlfriend or not.

 

[jdavis]

This is the last time I ask for advice. Thank you all for your support filled thoughts and well wishes. Turns out I'm right, if you don't do what people ask, those people are labeled freaks and outcasts. Because I give you reasons for not wanting to try some of these things, you all say " YOU MUST DO THIS TO FIT IN" and "I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENED OR HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT, YOU MUST DO WHAT WE SAY"
And you wonder why I am the way I am. I did make an apointment with someone new. I printed this thread out to show my new doctor. Thank you for proving me right. I'm done now.

This made me laugh. Outcast and loner might of worked for James Dean but maybe being a outcast and a loner is why you are so darn lonely? Either way it's all about you, it's your problems and your responsibility to deal with them and if you don't it's your fault when things don't go your way. The question you should be asking yourself is "why don't women like me" because that's where this whole thread at least got started. It's not about being a conformist it's about why are you scaring people away, your the one with the problems not them. You want the answers look inside yourself.

Good grief this was a train wreck, if your life goes anything like this thread went then you do have problems to deal with, good luck.

 

[Turanil]

Rape, whores, gay insults, etc.

What are doing the mods?!

Can I say something about Bush?

 

[Darth K'Trava]

I do take risks, why do you think I have an online personal ad up. But when I find out someone lies to me, no matter how small, I feel like that person is saying "you are not good enough to be told how I really feel or whats really going on, so screw him." So when I find out about the lie, I end it with them. Even though I tell people upfront to be honest with me.
I have met a few people though the personal ad, and for whatever reason it does not work out, the "spark" just was not there or whatever. I always say that it was fun meeting them and getting to know them a little, and wish them luck in the future. They were honest with me.
I never blamed another person for my AS, I blamed God a few posts back. I blame some people for continuing to be deceptive with me even after I tell them upfront I need total honesty.

Putting up a personal ad on the 'net is a big risk.

People tell little "white lies" all the time. Even with your mental condition, you should try to get past the "lie" and let the small ones slide. It's gonna be hard, knowing that you take things literally due to AS, but it's a big step you'll have to take to overcome it's shortcoming and be able to reach out to people. This is just part of human nature.

And blaming God won't help you at all. He did this for a reason; but He never does anything we can't handle. And if you feel you can't handle this on your own, He's just a prayer away. And He'll help you with your problems. I have a friend of mine who I've been trying to tell him that to... (makes me wonder if he has a touch of AS.... ). It's more the devil who's making you feel like it's all either your fault, God's fault or all the women who don't "live up to your expectations" fault. Using advice my aunt gave for the friend: "You've got to love YOURSELF before you can love OTHERS".

And stuff my other friend, Richard, has told me (he'd sent this for my aunt who's recovering from a muscle illness but I think it applies here as well... ) , "tell him that there are two emotions that live forever... Hope and Love. fear and hate are fleeting, and fade over time. but hope and love will always exist, even after the ones you've loved have passed out of your life. For hope lives because you look forward to seeing them again, down the road."

 

[reveal]

Rape, whores, gay insults, etc.

What are doing the mods?!

Can I say something about Bush?

Everything's fair game except politics and religion.

 

[Heretic Apostate]

Everything's fair game except politics and religion.

And sex and swearing.

Trust me on that...

 

[DaveMage]

Can I say something about Bush?

Only if you're talking about a bush's relationship to trees & plants.

 

[Michael Morris]

Ok, enough is enough is enough!

Tempers are flaring, nothing new has been said for 3 pages, and the only place this seems to be going is downhill.

Time out time, let it rest - and once Russ or Piratecat gets a chance to review this thread they'll make a decision whether or not to re-open it.

In the meanwhile I'm going to look up Thomas Heretic and see if he's open to letting me write a "kick thread to nothingland" tool. This kind of dog-chases-tail head-bashing therapy is quite appropriate there. Not here.