Players controlling the rules over GMs has never been a problem with our group. We would simply kick out the offending player. Problem solved. This has been the situation with every group with which I have played.
As for rules glut, I never understood this. The problem is easy to solve-learn to say "no!". The DM should only allow into the game that which they are comfortable. Many DM's only run core. Others run core with just a few extra. So it can be done.
As for myself I run mostly core with some extras and house rules. None of the extras include XPH, Magic of Incarnum, ToB:Bo9S, Tome of Magic, or any class (base or PrC) from the DMG or WOTC supplement. I allow a few things from Unearthed Arcana (some replace standard rules), about 12-14 class variants (UA, PHBII, Complete Champion (used since 3.0 when Monte suggested them ), expanded skills (Complete Adventurer, Races of the Wild), some domains, spells and feats (from various books), and a few 3rd party products (including a few class books from Green Ronin, and some articles from Sean Reynold's website).