Women Gamers vs. PCs/DMs Significant Others

[Andre]

So, was reading through the thread on how many women people have in their groups and noticed that Eric Noah took the time to distinguish that the women in their groups were the DMs spouses. I realize that is because so many women join the game because their husband/boyfriend/whatever plays...

This doesn't really surprise me. Most gamers are introduced to the hobby by someone they know. RPG's in their beginning were mainly the province of male gamers, so it makes sense that most women would be introduced to the hobby by a guy. Given that many (by no means all) relationships between men and women involve romance, the odds are good that many women were brought into the hobby by a SO/husband/boyfriend/whatever.

What I have noticed in the past few years which is different from my earlier experiences (I started gaming in 1976) is that many more women stick with the hobby nowadays. In high school and college, my gaming group invited a few women to play (usually girlfriends or someone one of the guys wanted to be a girlfriend), but not a single one stayed for more than a session or two (that probably says something about our maturity level back then... ).

Now, however, the women invited to the games are more likely to stay - and they seem to enjoy the game and put effort into it. We've lost a couple due to breakups and the like, but we've lost male gamers due to RL also. I just don't see a difference anymore. Male or female, if they're there to game, they're welcome, and no one seems to care about gender. Why that is - age, a change in how we view women in society in general, other factors - I'm not smart enough to say.

Is there something specific that happens(ed) that made you realize that this chick was no longer a tag-a-long, but a legitimate Role Player?

Oh yeah - the first time she plays her character the way she wants, not the way he tells her she should.

 

[Ogre Mage]

Women players

I went to an alternative middle school, a conventional high school and an alternative college (Evergreen St. College). In both middle school and college, I met many female role-players. My impression was their interest in gaming was primarily driven by an interest in gaming. In high school I met NO role players -- male or female.

Now that I am an adult in the working world, however, the ranks of female players seems to have thinned. I have played with four women since I left Evergreen (hard to believe that was 6 years ago). One clearly was there only because of her boyfriend. The second was married to another player, but seemed independently interested. The third was a casual player who dropped out after two months. The fourth was the girlfriend of another player. She had a lot of experience with White Wolf and had the potential to be a great D&Der, but had to quit because of her work schedule.

 

[Virel]

In my current group of nine there are four female players. All the females came to the game out of interest, not because of SO's.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Now, however, the women invited to the games are more likely to stay - and they seem to enjoy the game and put effort into it.

Being a youngster, I am noticing this more and more now. When I started gaming, it was with drooling boys that had not had a whole lot of experience even socializing with the opposite sex. So, though a few girls outside of myself *tried* to play with the guys, but I was the only one that stuck it out. At least one was so terrified by the overbearingness of the guys that she left not two hours into the game. (That's not to say anything bad about those guys... they are all normal, sweet, wonderful men that I - despite having moved far, far away - keep in touch with to this day).

Now that most of the players in my group are married or in serious/almost-married-but-not-quite relationships, it has become much, much easier to simply have females involved with the game on all fronts... The guys I play with are no longer overbearing high schoolers that have had plenty of time to become *used* to playing with and hanging out with women... and the women I play with have had plenty of time to get used to playing with and hanging out with men...

And, this is probably true for all walks of life... the older you get, the more you associate with the opposite sex in just friendly, normal, and equal terms.

... but boys still have cooties.

 

[Tom Cashel]

The thread title had me expecting a blow-by-blow description of a recent catfight.

Of the four women who've played in my group in the past two-three years, one of them was a great asset to the group, but became less so when she developed a crush on me, decided that I shouldn't be marrying my fiancee because we obviously weren't right for each other, and despite being a friend outside the game made her opinions known. I shed no tears when she moved to another city.

One was part of a husband-wife duo. He played a low INT, low WIS fighter (skillfully and entertainingly, I thought), and she spent whole sessions berating him (while he good-naturedly accepted it) and issuing orders to the rest of the group. When she finally threw a tantrum at things not going precisely her way in combat--and vented on my miniatures!--she was asked not to return. We couldn't think of a good way to keep her husband, though, so both were cut loose.

The third was a work-acquaintance of another (male) player. The few times she showed up, she spent most of the day remarking on how she'd rather be outdoors on Saturday afternoon, incessantly asking when we would be finished, and suggesting that if we were going to be at this for so long we should at least be drinking bottles of red wine. Eventually I stopped inviting her.

The fourth was a co-worker of two of us. She's very friendly, a sci-fi fan, went out and bought a PHB right away. I had high hopes. Once she'd been playing for three months and hadn't yet picked equipment, figured out how much money her character had or what her combat bonuses were, or even (we discovered) cracked open the book at all...I had to explain to her that there's a baseline effort required to play in the game, and she was not meeting it. Felt bad about it, but hey...we gave her three months and she hadn't even looked at any rules yet. We were helpful about explaining things during sessions, but when we realized it was going to be like that for the duration she was politely asked not to play.

Now our group is 100% male, we play on Wednesday evenings, and it's called "Poker Night" or Guys' Night (we sometimes break from the RPGs for card or board games). It's working great so far and gives us a night out from wives, girlfriends and children (which I un-chauvinistically believe is a healthy thing for people and relationships).

And, this is probably true for all walks of life... the older you get, the more you associate with the opposite sex in just friendly, normal, and equal terms.

... but boys still have cooties.

True. Just not on Game Night.

And yes, we have lots of cooties.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

The thread title had me expecting a blow-by-blow description of a recent catfight.

You'll have to tune into Pay-Per-View for that one. WWE: Gamer Girlz Gone BAD!!

 

[knitnerd]

I developed an interest in role playing games from reading about them in science fiction magazines and bought a basic set in 1983 but I couldn't find anyone to play with me. I was born in the wrong decade and females, especially females old enough to have a child, were not welcome anywhere. I finally got to play when a group of my daughters's friends from college needed another player. They gave me some websites that helped me find a local group. Sometimes my daughter plays with the group when she is home. There is another woman in the group who also started playing with her children,making AvangionQ the favorite DM of little old ladies. We stay in character and we bring food.

 

[Wisdom Penalty]

i echo some of the sentiments previously posted: i view my (all too few) gaming sessions as pure, simple escapism. and by 'escapsim' i also mean escapism from SO's. my wife happily allows me to get together with the guys and roll dice, and just as happily will march to her grave without rolling them herself. good 'nuff.

W.P.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

i echo some of the sentiments previously posted: i view my (all too few) gaming sessions as pure, simple escapism. and by 'escapsim' i also mean escapism from SO's. my wife happily allows me to get together with the guys and roll dice, and just as happily will march to her grave without rolling them herself. good 'nuff.

W.P.

For those of you that have said that playing is just a means of escape:

I assume either you do not have a serious significant other or that your significant other has no interest in playing... However, if you *did* have a SO that really expressed an interest in playing, what would your reaction be to her? What would the groups'? Would you let her play? Would she be "just another player" if she did like it?

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

I wish my wife would play again. After my Big Campaign ended in 2000, she said she didn't want to play anymore, which is a shame. She's an astoundingly good roleplayer (but she HATES the mechanics. She can do calculus in her head, but vapor locks at adding to-hit bonuses).

Part of it is the dynamics of the group I've been playing with since that game ended. She's known all of them for years, but doesn't like how some of the players harangue and harass the others over not having the rules memorized like they do, etc. Hell, I don't like it either, and that's one of the reasons I'm not DMing for them now.

But I wish she would play more. She really brought a lot to the old campaign; something my newer ones sorely need.