Yet Another Lonely-Gamer Thread UPDATE 7-8!!!!

[Joshua Randall]

It is not her responsibility to initiate any more kisses. She gave you the go ahead! Her work is done. If her kiss doesn't inspire enough passion in you to make you stop analyzing and worrying and just kiss her when you want to kiss her, then she's right to keep you at arm's distance.

100% agree.

Unknown Soul, she wants you to kiss her.

Let me say that again:

She wants you to kiss her.

So stop reading a f---ing message board and go do it.

 

[doktorziplok]

Why don't you just ask her why she keeps kissing you? That would save a ton of time.

THAT IS HOW SHE MANIPULATES OTHERS TO BEND TO HER WILL. (dc35 save or die)

i'll venture that a closer inspection of this young lady's past relationships show a long trail of such mind-humpery.

run, run as fast as you can.

You didn't say she was a Ohio/Michigan girl! Run!! Its 98% likely running is the smartest thing to do. Man! It amazes me how many train wreck females live in that area.

quoted for truth

 

[Tequila Sunrise]

Something that I learned recently from my last girlfriend is that women have different attractions than men do. While men are more or less attracted to any female, women are inexplicably attracted to only certain men! There's no ryhme or reason to which men they are attracted to (though I've heard about scientists researching human pheremones and how they relate to this topic); in my experience, the great girls are attracted to the fewest guys.

"Men fall in love to get laid; love is an end in itself. Women fall in love for an individual purpose; love is a means to an end."

As to the 'friends with benefits' thing, I don't have any personal experience with it, even indirectly. I will say that if you in the end decide to not stop hanging out with her, you might as well get those benefits, seeing as how you're already emotionally attached to her. And who knows, maybe getting her laid will help her become emotionally attached to you.

One thing that I can definitively tell you is a trait that is common to all successful people (in relationships and out): 'Give it a shot; and if it doesn't work out, try something new.' I'm not saying that this is easy (not least of all for me; I'm terrified of rejection), but it's the one tried and true method to success.

 

[Hypersmurf]

"Men fall in love to get laid; love is an end in itself. Women fall in love for an individual purpose; love is a means to an end."

... wait, aren't your corrolaries reversed there?

-Hyp.

 

[Joshua Randall]

I heard it put like this:

Women have sex because of the possibility of love. Men have sex because of the possibility of sex.

 

[ssampier]

Sounds about right. Is that a bad thing?

 

[Montague68]

I'm glad to see this things still alive and kicking!

First Off: Not much news on the Kay front. Aside from some IM and phone conversation (mostly on pleasant, unrelated topics) we've been busy with the rest of our lives.

Secondly: (addressing TB/DJ "why I can't meet girls" threads) I can honestly say I'm glad I never got into the "why doesn't the world understand me" mindset. I bathe. I'm overweight without being obese (and I've dropped 30 pounds in the last year, still working on more). I dress well. I'm socialable, but not terribly outgoing. I've probably got some damn annoying character traits (opinionated is probably the first one) but overall I realize the world doesn't revolve around me and that if things aren't going my way, I'm the one who needs to re-evalutate and take stock, not the world.

Thirdly: (Addressing Josh Randell) Thats what got this whole ball rolling. Back in April, I finally told her what I felt. About her. The party. Everything. I avoided the three L's (Love, Lust, Loneliness) but told her the rest.

Since then, I've gotten the "no feelings/just friends" statements, intermixed with occasionally "leading" comments or actions. Not surprisingly, some of them contradict each other (I was the first boy she brought home her parents liked, but later her parents have liked all her "friends", just not her "boyfriends". Grrr).

Since April, almost everytime we got together (in person, not talking on the phone, email or IM) the topic has come up again. Hell, the topic came up 1/2 hour BEFORE the infamous goodnight kiss(es). Hence my original conundrum.

The original aspect of this post was "Is she leading me on or just playing", but I think there is much more complexity than that to it. If she's leading me on, she's doing it a.) to keep me wrapped or b.) Unconsciously. Possibly c.) She's testing the water, but afraid to dive in. I guess d.) All of the above could be true also.

Time will settle the dust back, so that emotions/hormones won't cloud judgements. Then, when the time is right (and there is no point in pushing this before its time) there will be one, final discussion. Hopefully, that will end this saga and we will get on with our lives, either together or seperately. I don't think that will be today, or tomorrow. But it will be soon, I can sense that.

Again, thanks for the help, concern, criticism and everything else that has lead me up to this point. [cartman] I love you guys [/cartman]

Teflon Billy put it right, as did others here. If I may be so bold as to lay down the skinny on what is happening here, I'll do so from my 38 years of experience on this rock, and this might be a little blunt so forgives me:

She likes you. She cares about you. She doesn't find you repulsive. And you fill a need for her.

She may date you for a while, she might even boink you.

But you don't instill the heart-throbbing, sweaty-hands, oh-my-God-ravish-me feelings for her, and you never will. And she knows this. She knows, perhaps subconsciously, that someday she will meet Mr. Swoon and that she's gonna hurt you something fierce.

If I had a dollar every time I've seen this I'd never have to work again.

Ignore the talk about her "loveless relationships" and "afraid to love again" crap, because it's doublespeak nonsense because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Women and men both use those words as crutches to explain misgivings about a potential mate. You had a bad experience with your former girlfriend - you really worried about getting hurt? Hell no! You'd take Kay in a minute.

And she would take you too - if she felt the same passion for you. But she doesn't.

You need to write her off emotionally Unknown Soul. Quit fantasizing about her, get her out of your head. Unfortunately this usually means cutting off all contact with her. If you can do it and still be friends with her, all power to you, but from my experience that isn't the case.

The first, foremost, and ultimate thing ya gotta remember - she's just one girl. You're not doomed to loneliness for all eternity if you let her go. Get out there, put out feelers (not literally, ye pervert!) and get out into the world. Trust me when you get the right one, you'll know it.

Good luck.

 

[TheUnknownSoul]

Update

Kay and I had spoken on and off for two weeks leading to this. Nothing horribly interesting; though I did get invited to go see Pirates 2 with her (actually, it got mentioned that the movie was opening on Friday and we couldn't make it, and then it became "Are we still going to see Pirates on Saturday?" I got the hint).

Yesterday was Cedar Point. 12 solid hours of her and I and nobody else. and rollercoasters.

She came over in a slightly foul mood. I found out why, her "aunt" visited her and because of that she couldn't wear a swimsuit on the water-rides, and she had all the classic symptoms. Not the best way to start this day.

Got down there with no problems. Even joked about the "bennies" thing.

11AM-7PM: Great time had by all. Aside from my fear of heights, I was fine. She enjoyed herself. good.

Drive Home: We talked about the future, career's, life, family, religion, etc. Nothing specifically brought up about us.

Pit Stop: Thirty, we stop at a gas station for some drinks. Turns out, everything I suggested to the question "I don't know what to get" was crap. Everything she suggested to me was crap I didn't drink. 5 minute conversation on the benefits and hindrances of Dr. Pepper vs. 7-UP (I don't like Dr. Pepper but like 7-Up, she's the opposite). Back to the road.

Finally get back to near home. Stop to local Bar & Grill for dinner. Things still smooth.

Then disaster struck. ICEBURG, DEAD AHEAD!

On the topic of pets,
Kay: "I love my pet, moreso than I do any person. I just don't trust anyone. Not even my folks"
TUS: chokes on an ice-cube.
Kay: "I've gotten close to people before, and its hurt me. Now, I don't get close to anyone. I can't trust anyone, cuz when I do, I get hurt. So I've stopped, completely."
TUS: "Even me?"
Kay: "Everyone."

The explanation lasts the rest of the car-ride home, plus an hour longer. I plead a case that even if she can't love me, she can TRUST me. She pulls some line about giving up on people, focusing on her career, and realizing she's dying alone, etc. Point blank, she tells me:
"You deserve someone good. Someone who will take care of you. I'm not that person. I'm too [messed] up. I can't return all that you'd give me."

Game. Set. Match. Despite the plans to meet tonight, we leave in a somber mood. No goodnight kiss, "not on the lips" I hug her and leave.
.................
Maybe it was sun, or hormones, or tiredness, but I can't deny what she said. I feel hurt as a potential lover, but I almost feeled betrayed as a friend. That she can't trust me, or won't.

So, its time to move on. Keep in contact, but look for new and greener pastures. The time has come.

Thanks to everyone again.

 

[MavrickWeirdo]

This is going to sound stupid (but when has that ever stopped me before)

Congratulations.

You now have clear resolution/closure.

 

[TheUnknownSoul]

This is going to sound stupid (but when has that ever stopped me before)

Congratulations.

You now have clear resolution/closure.

That's my thought too.