Yet Another Lonely-Gamer Thread UPDATE 7-8!!!!

[TheUnknownSoul]

I'm glad to see this things still alive and kicking!

First Off: Not much news on the Kay front. Aside from some IM and phone conversation (mostly on pleasant, unrelated topics) we've been busy with the rest of our lives.

Secondly: (addressing TB/DJ "why I can't meet girls" threads) I can honestly say I'm glad I never got into the "why doesn't the world understand me" mindset. I bathe. I'm overweight without being obese (and I've dropped 30 pounds in the last year, still working on more). I dress well. I'm socialable, but not terribly outgoing. I've probably got some damn annoying character traits (opinionated is probably the first one) but overall I realize the world doesn't revolve around me and that if things aren't going my way, I'm the one who needs to re-evalutate and take stock, not the world.

Thirdly: (Addressing Josh Randell) Thats what got this whole ball rolling. Back in April, I finally told her what I felt. About her. The party. Everything. I avoided the three L's (Love, Lust, Loneliness) but told her the rest.

Since then, I've gotten the "no feelings/just friends" statements, intermixed with occasionally "leading" comments or actions. Not surprisingly, some of them contradict each other (I was the first boy she brought home her parents liked, but later her parents have liked all her "friends", just not her "boyfriends". Grrr).

Since April, almost everytime we got together (in person, not talking on the phone, email or IM) the topic has come up again. Hell, the topic came up 1/2 hour BEFORE the infamous goodnight kiss(es). Hence my original conundrum.

The original aspect of this post was "Is she leading me on or just playing", but I think there is much more complexity than that to it. If she's leading me on, she's doing it a.) to keep me wrapped or b.) Unconsciously. Possibly c.) She's testing the water, but afraid to dive in. I guess d.) All of the above could be true also.

Time will settle the dust back, so that emotions/hormones won't cloud judgements. Then, when the time is right (and there is no point in pushing this before its time) there will be one, final discussion. Hopefully, that will end this saga and we will get on with our lives, either together or seperately. I don't think that will be today, or tomorrow. But it will be soon, I can sense that.

Again, thanks for the help, concern, criticism and everything else that has lead me up to this point. [cartman] I love you guys [/cartman]

 

[d20Dwarf]

Why don't you just ask her why she keeps kissing you? That would save a ton of time.

 

[MavrickWeirdo]

If she's a gamer go for it,
If she isn't dump her.

 

[Dark Jezter]

Secondly: (addressing TB/DJ "why I can't meet girls" threads) I can honestly say I'm glad I never got into the "why doesn't the world understand me" mindset. I bathe. I'm overweight without being obese (and I've dropped 30 pounds in the last year, still working on more). I dress well. I'm socialable, but not terribly outgoing. I've probably got some damn annoying character traits (opinionated is probably the first one) but overall I realize the world doesn't revolve around me and that if things aren't going my way, I'm the one who needs to re-evalutate and take stock, not the world.

Hey, glad to hear about the weight loss. Losing 30 lbs is definately something to be proud of.

It's also good to hear that keep a good personal appearance and try to be sociable, and that you realize that the world dosen't revolve around you. I'm sure that things will work out for you just fine, with or without Kay.

 

[Bront]

Having not read much else after your initial post...

Be honest and up front about your feelings with her. Tell her you care for her strongly and would like to be more than just friends. Talk about them, including why you think so (and I hope it's more than just how she was dressed for a party). Be up front and honest with her, and only go by what you feel now, not what you hope to feel later.

And then listen to her. Let her talk about how she feels, about you and about relationships in general. Talk about them, and be open, honest, and a friend (not someone trying to be a boyfriend) to her about it.

If, after that, she's set on seeing you only as a good friend, leave it at that, and move on for now. Her feelings may change, but don't count on it, and don't hope for it. Remember, if you are close friends now, dating may destroy that if things don't work out (Some people can't get along with their exes). But you should be happy you have a close friend, and a talk like this could convince her your efforts are genuine, and that may convince her to take a chance, or it may not, but at least you've been open and honest about it with her.

 

[ssampier]

This is very similar to a quote from George Bernard Shaw I heard a while back...

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, they make them."

This sounds more positive than Treebore's comments for some reason.

I'm stubborn, I often do things my own way. Others do things their way; we're both happy. :\

 

[Rel]

Having not read much else after your initial post...

Be honest and up front about your feelings with her. Tell her you care for her strongly and would like to be more than just friends. Talk about them, including why you think so (and I hope it's more than just how she was dressed for a party). Be up front and honest with her, and only go by what you feel now, not what you hope to feel later.

And then listen to her. Let her talk about how she feels, about you and about relationships in general. Talk about them, and be open, honest, and a friend (not someone trying to be a boyfriend) to her about it.

If, after that, she's set on seeing you only as a good friend, leave it at that, and move on for now. Her feelings may change, but don't count on it, and don't hope for it. Remember, if you are close friends now, dating may destroy that if things don't work out (Some people can't get along with their exes). But you should be happy you have a close friend, and a talk like this could convince her your efforts are genuine, and that may convince her to take a chance, or it may not, but at least you've been open and honest about it with her.

NOT!

 

[TheUnknownSoul]

Mavrick: I'm trying to seduce her to the dork side... I kinda got a lukewarm response.

d20 Dwarf: ... You know, the simplest answers are the ones you tend to overlook.

 

[tonym]

Maybe you are merely this girl's "friend" because she knows she doesn't inspire passion in you.

Me, I don't see passion in your posts. Just run-of-the-mill desire.

This girl has already kissed you and dropped hints. Yet, despite this HUGE signal that she likes you, your big plan is to wait for her to kiss you again, at which point you plan to kiss her back.

Huh?

Heck, you are so passion-deficient that you put her in charge of the pacing! Her!!

It is not her responsibility to initiate any more kisses. She gave you the go ahead! Her work is done. If her kiss doesn't inspire enough passion in you to make you stop analyzing and worrying and just kiss her when you want to kiss her, then she's right to keep you at arm's distance.

A girl should be in a relationship with someone who, having kissed her, cannot control himself thereafter.

PASSION! Is it in you?

Tony M

 

[Fishbone]

I say you've got to be forceful. You've got a great chance here. You've been friends with her for almost a decade, you're smart(You are posting at Enworld, after all ). I say you're being too reactive, it's time to be proactive. Lay your cards on the table, take her out to dinner and a movie, and put the mack on her.