Yet Another Lonely-Gamer Thread UPDATE 7-8!!!!

[Treebore]

Places to meet other women? Outside your door. The beach, the gym, the mall, the grocery store, the park, etc... Just be willing to talk or lend a willing hand and keep the resulting conversation going. Then there are friends of friends, friends of the family, and so on. The biggest thing is being willing to talk. Talking is a great ice breaker.

I just don't recommend bars. The women there don't tend to be the kind with which to have good relationships with. Some are, but it is too much of a crap shoot to bother with.

The bowling alley is another decent place, but be careful there too. Alot of the "bar" women tend to go there as well, plus a lot of married women looking for an "outside" relationship seemed to be there as well.

I'm told church functions are also good ones.


I think you have realized by now that the "first impression" is the best false impression. It is what you learn about them when you find out what was really behind that first impression that tells you what kind of person they really are.

For gods sake, get out of Ohio! ITs the best thing I ever did for myself.


Edit: Sorry! Get out of Michigan! BTW, I lived right next to Cedar Point while I grew up, about 10 miles east in a town called Huron. Seriously, get out of Michigan/Ohio. You don't realize the difference until about a year after you leave and enough of the toxins have been cleansed out of your body. I really suggest a Southern and/or western state. Even California is better. Rural Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona are the most strikingly different. I have also heard good things about Idaho, Wyoming, and the Dakotas. Nevada, outside of Las Vegas and the other gambling towns, can be pretty good too.

 

[ColonelHardisson]

DAY TRIP to Cedar Point?! You didn't say she was a Ohio/Michigan girl! Run!! Its 98% likely running is the smartest thing to do. Man! It amazes me how many train wreck females live in that area. Of course the guys are only about 3% better. Now if she is from PA/Indiana/W.V. your odds are a bit better, and only get better the farther away from Ohio/Michigan area they live.

I'm serious. I think they should do a huge case study, especially the area from Cleveland around up to Detroit. I think there is something in the soil and/or water around there. Something BAD.

OR maybe it is something as simple as Ohio/Michigan men and women shouldn't have relationships with each other. Something screwy going on around there. Anyways, if you are in the area of Ohio/Michigan I am talking about find a woman from some other part of the country. Worked for me, mine was down in SC. Good luck!

I was born and raised in Cleveland, and lived most of my life there until about 3 years ago. What you say makes no sense.

 

[Arravis]

Where are some place to meet "new" people?

Before I got married I would go to the kind of places the women I found attractive (skinny nerd women) were likely to be.

College libraries: I wasn't even a student, but I was looking up some books. Bookstores, though they can be difficult due to the quiet atmosphere. Quirky stores are a good locale too, they tend to be relaxed and informal. I took my dog to training classes and other doggie-related events to meet women, even though my dog was already trained. Dogs help in general, it's a good sign if you can take care of another living creature. I got a few nice dates out of that.

The thing I had the most luck with at finding geek-style girls was joining the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism). Personally, I had no interest in it, I find it a bit silly, but man, I got a lot of nice dates out of it. A few of the people there can be a bit freakish, but most are fairly cool. In the end I met my wife where I wasn't looking for dates... on Everquest. We had known each other for two years before we met in person, and we moved in together four months after that. We've been living together five years now, married two .

Just go to the kind of places that the women you like are going to be at, and be assertive while there. Finding them isn't hard, being assertive and charming is.

 

[Umbran]

2.) I managed (without looking too forward) to mention that perhaps it was best that we just keep things "friendly" until I sorted my life out better. Then, we can see where "we" stand then.

....

If/when there is a next move, it will be on hers (much like the good-night kiss was, or the two since). If she wishes to move the relationship forward in any any capacity (bennies, actual serious dating/relationship) it will be her move.

Er, no.

You just specifically told her otherwise - that you have stuff to do before going forwards. If you have stuff to do, how is the next move hers?

 

[Treebore]

I was born and raised in Cleveland, and lived most of my life there until about 3 years ago. What you say makes no sense.

Thats OK Clolonel, I've noticed we have very different views about many fundamental things. I lived from Parma over to Sandusky, Ohio from 1966 to 1984. I've only been back to occassionally visit family. Apparently you were lucky, you have a sane/stable family with a sane/stable circle of friends. I didn't find that until I left Ohio. After I detoxed from living in Ohio.

 

[TheUnknownSoul]

Er, no.

You just specifically told her otherwise - that you have stuff to do before going forwards. If you have stuff to do, how is the next move hers?

Who would be chasing who.

My comment isn't as self-contradictory as it first seems. The jist of the longer message is "While you make up your mind, I'll be putting my life together. If you manage to make up your mind before I move on, we'll hook up. If you don't and I DO find someone else, thanks for the memories"

Course, I didn't PHRASE it like that. And its a bit of a white lie (If she made up her mind tomorrow, I'd be ready, life-be-damned) but it sets her up in the position of "if I want more out of this relationship, I need to make a move" rather than "I can have everything anyway cuz he's crazy bout me".

That aura of detachment TB was talkin about.

Hopefully, some space and time will heal over any problems and give her a chance to "really" decide if/what she feels. If she's made up her mind already, nothings changed. If she hasn't (either consciously or unconsiously) then it could allow her re-evaluates things in a less stressful environment.

 

[TheUnknownSoul]

Thats OK Clolonel, I've noticed we have very different views about many fundamental things. I lived from Parma over to Sandusky, Ohio from 1966 to 1984. I've only been back to occassionally visit family. Apparently you were lucky, you have a sane/stable family with a sane/stable circle of friends. I didn't find that until I left Ohio. After I detoxed from living in Ohio.

aside from being boring, my circle of friends and family are both moderately sane and stable. We've even mangaged to have some Michigan-made couples and offspring among them.

Course, if the job market doesn't open up soon, I might be making my way to Nevada. Thats a bridge I'll cross when I get there.

EDIT: And now, I'm off to kill my PCs. Good-night folks.

 

[Dark Jezter]

Ok, unrelated tangent. Where are some place to meet "new" people?

1) The Gym. Going to the gym serves two purposes; first of all, it gets you in shape, which makes you more attractive to women. Second, it's also a good place to meet women.

2) The Mall. The average mall is crawling with attractive women on a weekend.

3) Church Functions. This only applies if you're religious, but many churches regularly host fuctions for single adults. These can be a great place to meet women who share the same beliefs that you do.

4) The Park. In large urban areas, single women can often be found in public parks. If you have a dog, take it for a walk in the park on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon. For some reason, having a dog makes you look more appealing to a woman.

5) The Beach. Like the park, the beach is also a good place to meet women.

6) The Campus. College campuses are full of single young women. They can be found in the quad, in the library, in the classrooms, and at various club meetings. Joining a club can be a great place to met women with whom you share a mutual interest.

7) The Workplace. If you have a female coworker you like, you might consider asking her out. Be very careful with this one, however: workplace romances are infamous for causing problems. If things go badly between the two of you, it's gonna be awkward seeing that person every day at work. Plus, many workplaces discorage (sometimes even forbid) employees dating each other.

8) A Dance Class. Okay, I don't know if I could ever bring myself to do this one, but I've heard from others that if you sign up for a dance class, you will meet a lot of attractive women who are in great physical shape. It's definately something worth considering.

9) A Co-Ed Sports League. If you're athletically-inclined, many areas have co-ed leagues for basketball or slow-pitch softball. Again, they can be a good place to meet women.

10) The Internet. I've never tried it out before and don't realy have a desire to (I prefer asking girls out in-person), but I do know a few people who have had good experiences with internet dating sites like Match.com or Yahoo Personals.

 

[d20Dwarf]

Who would be chasing who.

My comment isn't as self-contradictory as it first seems. The jist of the longer message is "While you make up your mind, I'll be putting my life together. If you manage to make up your mind before I move on, we'll hook up. If you don't and I DO find someone else, thanks for the memories"

Course, I didn't PHRASE it like that. And its a bit of a white lie (If she made up her mind tomorrow, I'd be ready, life-be-damned) but it sets her up in the position of "if I want more out of this relationship, I need to make a move" rather than "I can have everything anyway cuz he's crazy bout me".

That aura of detachment TB was talkin about.

Hopefully, some space and time will heal over any problems and give her a chance to "really" decide if/what she feels. If she's made up her mind already, nothings changed. If she hasn't (either consciously or unconsiously) then it could allow her re-evaluates things in a less stressful environment.

Umbran nailed it before I could, dude, it's too bad you didn't process the advice in this thread before moving forward. There are a few things wrong with your scenario:

A: This chick is messed up. You really need to decide why you've got a thing for her, and whether or not adding an unstable chick in your life will benefit you. Didn't you say she hasn't had a relationship in two years after a bad one and that she's still cold and distant? Lemme tell you, man, somebody like that is going to take a LONG time to heal, if she ever does. You can't change her, you won't be the catalyst...she's got her own issues.

B: You've completely gone passive! Or remained so. All you've wanted is to move forward with this chick, and she's initiated kisses with you, but you haven't initiated anything in return? That's a recipe for disaster on so many levels. Women want you to initiate things, they want to feel wanted, they have no respect for men that force them to constantly make the first move. It doesn't feel right, and it'll make them keep their distance. She probably sits around wondering, "gee, I've told him I want sex and kissed him three times, but he just stands there with his shoulders slumped." Why would she put herself out for someone that's given no indication beyond emo whining that he wants her?

B2: Your "passivity is really clever activity!" argument holds no water. She's not going to just suddenly heal now because you gave her your passive ultimatum. You should have just told her outright that you didn't want a physical relationship without actually being in a relationship together. "Friends with benefits" is a terrible position to put yourself in, it's unhealthy in every way I can think of, and is mostly a lie between two people that aren't dealing with their emotions honestly.

C: You need to do one of two things: forget being friends with her, or forget having a relationship with her. I don't believe inter-gender friendships are possible without pain on one end or the other, but as a nod to those who (foolishly) do believe in it, I'll just say that your case is clearly not that way. Friends or lovers, not both. The best thing to do is to try being lovers (but only in a relationship) asap. If it works, great. If not, then you'll either be able to be friends, or not. But where you're at now is paralyzing you...

D: Find some male friends and start doing activities with them that aren't gaming. Play sports with them, workout at the gym with them, go to bars and other social activities with them...be men. This will increase your sense of masculinity and allow much of the wisdom in this thread to soak in and become second-nature.

 

[Harmon]

I would not recommend using other people that way. The internet is a wonderful place to take care of those feelings, or get a hooker, something. But I wouldn't do that. It's pretty harmful towards the person you're using, especially since it's unlikely you'll be honest with them on that issue.

Sorry there was a miss understanding. The quotes around girlfriend was meant as a girlfriend that you pay for her time . I was not suggesting that he use someone like that, I am an rear cranium, just not that much of one.