Yoda P.I.

[Hijinks]

A local radio station is giving away a life-sized Yoda statue to the person who comes up with the most creative skit using a Star Wars theme that they can perform on the radio. This is what I came up with (critiques aren't necessary since it's already submitted - I just find myself funny so wanted to share).

"Yoda P.I."

Actors:
Yoda
Mysterious Woman

Sound: Liquid being poured over ice in a glass
Sound (faint): Car horns, alarms, sirens - city noises
Music (faint): Soft jazz

Yoda: It was just another day in the dirty city. Not much for an exiled old Jedi to do but sit in my dingy office and put my tired dogs up on my desk, with a glass of whiskey as tough to swallow as I was.

Sound: Two thumps
Sound: Drinking noises

Yoda: It ain't easy being a private investigator these days. Heck, just when you think you've got someone cornered, grab a bit of bounty on a bail jumper, they turn out to be a clone. Phah! A clone! I tell ya, a man can't make an honest interplanetary credit any more these days. I was way down in the dumps. Then she walked in.

Sound: Door creaking open
Sound: High heeled shoes crossing floor

Woman (sexy voice): Hi there, handsome

Yoda (voiceover): Wow! What a gal! Stacked in all the right places and soft everywhere else. Nice set of gams, too. I'd never seen her before, but I was determined to make a good first impression.

Yoda: Err ... err ...
Woman: I heard you're the man to see if I need someone found.
Yoda: (strangling noises)
Woman: Think you can help me out?

Yoda (voiceover): It wasn't going well. Obviously this dame sought me out for a reason. No one comes down to the slums of the Republic if they can help it. I had to give her a hand. She was just so much for the old eyes to handle that the brain didn't work so well.

Yoda: Help you I will
Woman: What?
Yoda: Uhh... Find someone I can!

Yoda (voiceover): Dang!

Woman: Hrm .. ok .. well. I need to find a Jedi knight. My father is a Senator and the Jedi's are needed to help with the rebellion. I was told you .. might .. know where I could find a Jedi.

Yoda (voiceover): This bird came to the right place, sure enough. Now was my chance to get out of this slum and raise myself to my former glory! If only I could get the words out...

Yoda: Jedi I am!

Yoda (voiceover): Doh.

Woman: Excuse me?
Yoda: Jedi master of old, I was. Exiled to protect the cause, yes. Many feats can I perform.
Woman: Listen, buddy, I don't know what you're playing at. This isn't a game! If you can't help me find a Jedi, I'll go talk to this Anakin person I heard about.

Sound: High heels storming away
Sound: Door slams
Sound: Yoda sighs.

Yoda: Crap.

 

[Mark]

I'd suggest you change all of the Yoda parts to Yoda-speak...

Yoda: It was just another day in the dirty city.

Yoda: Just another day in the dirty city, it was.

Yoda: Crap.

Yoda: Crap, it is, hhhmmmmMMMMM?


Good luck!

 

[Hijinks]

Um, that's kind of the point of it? The gag is that Yoda speaks quite normally, until he's confronted with a beautiful woman. Ok guess not everyone gets it *shrug* Thanks though!

 

[zepherus]

Wow...must be an Iowa vs Illinois thing...I got it right off!

LMAO!

Of course, I'm the same way...all cool and suave in my head, until I actually try to talk to a woman...then it comes out all stupid.

Zeph

 

[Mark]

Um, that's kind of the point of it? The gag is that Yoda speaks quite normally, until he's confronted with a beautiful woman. Ok guess not everyone gets it *shrug* Thanks though!

I guess that didn't come across for me. Besides, we know Yoda speaks that way all of the time. Now if it were any other jedi speaking normal until he met a woman, and then slipping into Yoda-speak, as some sort of instinctual protective mode, that might catch me as funny.

It might be funny to me if it were written as Yoda speaking his normal way and the beautiful woman not understanding him as his frustration builds. Or Yoda speaking his normal way and requiring his clients to speak in that way, too, for him to understand whatever case he is taking on.

Just the idea of Yoda in a hard-boiled dectective sketch with it's typical dialog done in Yoda fashion is funny in and of itself, but I suppose everyone is using that as a starting place.

Anyway, maybe yours would strike me funny if I heard it performed. Be sure to tape it and, again, good luck.

 

[Hijinks]

Perhaps Yoda always sounds smooth, suave, and debonair in his head, and when he speaks, it comes out as the gibberish we know and love, to everyone else? That was the whole point of the scenario. Everything in his head sounds perfectly normal, and what comes out of his mouth does not. But *shrug* again, not everyone has the same sense of humor. Appreciate the input!

 

[jonesy]

Deja vu.

It's the Mad TV "Miss Swan P.I." sketch where she thinks these incredible comebacks and then blurts Swan'isms.

Except she's the customer, not the P.I.