And to think in some parallel universe Tom Selleck is Indiana Jones and Christopher Walken is Han Solo. OBI WAN!
1. Indy, to the Nazis: "Respect the 'stache."
2. Obi Wan, to Luke Skywalker:
Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad’s. We were in that Clone War together over five years. Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience war like that tis yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Dad were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Anakin Skywalker would be talking right now to my son. But the way it turned out is I’m talking to you, Luke. I got something for you.
This lightsaber I got here was first built as a replacement by your father when he was a general of the Grand Army of the Republic. It was built from a little kyber crystal in the core of the hilt. Made to replace the first lightsaber your daddy ever had. Had a blue emission and everything. Your daddy used it for all of his battles. For droids. For Dooku. That's right, for Dooku.
And your dad knew that when he was captured at the end of those Clone Wars, when the enemy was coming to take us both, they would take his precious lightsaber. The way your dad looked at it, that lightsaber was your birthright. He’d be damned if any stormtroopers were gonna put their metal hands on his boy’s birthright. So with his dying breath, he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His butt. Five long years, he hid this lightsaber up his butt. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the lightsaber. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of alloyed composite metal up my butt for two years. Then, after seven years, I escaped and made my way back to Tatooine.
And now, young Skywalker, I give the lightsaber to you.