D&D General [Creative] What Are The Gods Up To These Days? AKA: Lets Make The Deity Soap Opera Tables

[Faolyn]

So over in the "Running List of potential problematic issues in TSR era Dnd" thread, I made the following comment (regarding people not having singular patron deities, and how it's kinda difficult to figuring out the relationships between all the gods):

This is even doubly difficult if you have a "living" pantheon where the gods are still getting up to their shenanigans, as opposed the typical D&D pantheon where those deeds all happened in the distant past.

...Now I'm picturing a series of tables.

DM, plotting out the deity's actions for the next few sessions: so... <rolls on table 1> so the goddess of wine is going to... <rolls on table 2> steal something important from... <rolls on table 1 again> the god of the forge because she's... <rolls on table 3> jealous of the forge god's... <rolls on table 4> relationship with... <rolls on table 1> the god of wolves. OK, so, maybe that means that wolves are now going to have advantage on attack rolls made against people who favor the goddess of wine. At least until she apologies. And the thing she stole from the forge god is... <rolls on table 7> his fire so... she stole the coals from his forge and flung them to the ground. Meteor shower time!

And apparently, a few people liked the idea. So why not actually actually make some tables to reflect what the gods are actually doing nowadays, instead of in the ancient past. So let's start!

(BTW, mods, if you feel that this is better suited for the D&D Suggestions forum, either move it there or tell me and I'll remake it there.)

There wouldn't be the Table 1 from above, because that would be dependent on each setting's pantheon. But for the other tables and what's in them, what do think should be in there?

The basic format, at the moment, would be

Deity 1

I have Table 2 as the Godly Action table. Deity 1 has done/will be doing:

1. Has stolen something from (Deity table)
2. Has willingly turned into a (random Item/Animal table) and may have to be convinced to change back.
3. Has been turned into a (random Item/Animal table) or Imprisoned by (Deity table).
4. Has kidnapped (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table?)
5. Has impregnated/given birth to (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table?)
6. Has created a (random Item/Animal table?)
7. Has played a trick on/made a fool out of (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table)
8. Has cheated (Deity table, Lesser Mythical Being table?) in a game of skill or chance.
9. Is feeling a strong emotion (Emotion Table) because (Deity table) did (Godly Action table)
10. Has entered a relationship with (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table)
11. Has been slain by (Deity table), although this may or may not be permanent.

What else?


I have Table 3 as the Emotions table, because gods are all about the emotions. Deity is feeling...

1. Lust
2. Wrath
3. Jealousy
4. Existential Ennui
5. Ecstasy
6. Serious Annoyance
7. In a Fey Mood (for all those Dorf deities out there )

What else?


I called Table 7 mostly for amusement's sake, like clearly there's been four other tables I just skipped in that example, so just say it's Table 4: the Random Item/Animal table.

1. Mighty steed made of nonliving materials like wood or steel.
2. A golem servant
3. A golem child
4. A hideous monster
5. Songbird made of living music.
6. A weapon capable of killing (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table)
7. An animal with precious metal for fur, horn, teeth, whatever.

What else?


Table X, because this is probably at the end of the list, is the Earthly Results Table. What effects do these gods' actions have on the mortal plane?
Meteor shower.
Earthquake.
Famine or drought.
A stupendous growing season.
Constant rain.
The weather suddenly changes to a season very unlike the current one.
A body of water drying up or a new one appearing.
The sudden appearance of a mountain, island, or island chain.
A volcanic eruption.
A new type of monster, animal, or sentient being appears.

What else?

And what other tables might this need?

 

[MechaTarrasque]

This one will have to be world specific, but the most important one is Table 9: Is currently feuding with (a list of gods, demon lords, archdevils, and celestial muck-y-mucks). The cleric and the paladin need to know who they get the most brownie points for smiting.

 

[Faolyn]

This one will have to be world specific, but the most important one is Table 9: Is currently feuding with (a list of gods, demon lords, archdevils, and celestial muck-y-mucks). The cleric and the paladin need to know who they get the most brownie points for smiting.

That'll go to the Table 1: Deities and Table Whatever: Lesser Mythical Beings. I'll need a Why They're Feuding table as well...

 

[Lanefan]

Deity 1

I have Table 2 as the Godly Action table. Deity 1 has done/will be doing:

1. Has stolen something from (Deity table)
2. Has willingly turned into a (random Item/Animal table) and may have to be convinced to change back.
3. Has been turned into a (random Item/Animal table) or Imprisoned by (Deity table).
4. Has kidnapped (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table?)
5. Has impregnated/given birth to (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table?)
6. Has created a (random Item/Animal table?)
7. Has played a trick on/made a fool out of (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table)
8. Has cheated (Deity table, Lesser Mythical Being table?) in a game of skill or chance.
9. Is feeling a strong emotion (Emotion Table) because (Deity table) did (Godly Action table)
10. Has entered a relationship with (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table)
11. Has been slain by (Deity table), although this may or may not be permanent.

12. Cannot currently be found, located, or contacted due to its own choice (i.e. a divine vacation; and its Clerics might be hosed for spells for a while). Roll on (Emotions table) to determine reason for vacation; then somehow randomly determine how long said vacation will be.
13. Has been charmed or dominated by (Deity table) or is otherwise not operating under its own control.
14. Has temporarily or permanently moved its home to (random plane or prime-material world) due to (Godly Action table, ignore result of 14 if it recurs)

I have Table 3 as the Emotions table, because gods are all about the emotions. Deity is feeling...

1. Lust
2. Wrath
3. Jealousy
4. Existential Ennui
5. Ecstasy
6. Serious Annoyance
7. In a Fey Mood (for all those Dorf deities out there )

8. Bored. (with some deities this is by far the most dangerous emotion of all!)
9. Drunk/high/stoned.
10. Placid.

I called Table 7 mostly for amusement's sake, like clearly there's been four other tables I just skipped in that example, so just say it's Table 4: the Random Item/Animal table.

1. Mighty steed made of nonliving materials like wood or steel.
2. A golem servant
3. A golem child
4. A hideous monster
5. Songbird made of living music.
6. A weapon capable of killing (Deity table or Lesser Mythical Being table)
7. An animal with precious metal for fur, horn, teeth, whatever.

8. A clone of a significant person, a PC, or (Mythical Beings table).

Table X, because this is probably at the end of the list, is the Earthly Results Table. What effects do these gods' actions have on the mortal plane?
Meteor shower.
Earthquake.
Famine or drought.
A stupendous growing season.
Constant rain.
The weather suddenly changes to a season very unlike the current one.
A body of water drying up or a new one appearing.
The sudden appearance of a mountain, island, or island chain.
A volcanic eruption.
A new type of monster, animal, or sentient being appears.

The deity manifests on, or even outright travels to, the PCs' homeworld.
Whichever of [war/discord] or [peace/tranquility] was not already occurring, begins.
A new moon appears, or some other significant astronomical change/event occurs.
Permanent two-way gates or teleporters appear, leading to-from to other worlds/dimensions/planes.

And what other tables might this need?

Some sort of random degree-of-significance determinant of either a) the overall effect, b) the degree of effect on the PCs and-or what they know about, or c) both.

 

[Faolyn]

Love them!

 

[Eltab]

Have you seen the "Divine Soap Opera" entries near the end of Grand History of the Realms? That set of miscommunications and reactions has to make it into your tables.

Oh, and ...
Final Result: It was all a dream. (or nightmare)

 

[Faolyn]

Have you seen the "Divine Soap Opera" entries near the end of Grand History of the Realms? That set of miscommunications and reactions has to make it into your tables.

Hah! No, I hadn't heard of it until now. I had soap opera feelings from some of the jokes made in Discworld novels.