I am honestly curious about sonething: you have explained the things you dislike about D&D many times and at great length over the years. Several of those things, by your own admission, are pretty core to the D&D experience and have been for many years. Are you playing 5e now and, if so, what keeps you coming back if you seem to dislike it so much? You have every right to play whatever you like, but I have to believe there's a game out there that fits with your preferences better than D&D.
Again, this isn't an attack. I truly want to understand your desire to engage with a game you have so many fundamental problems with.
I love D&D. It is a fun game that I enjoy immensely. I also consider it an important game in the context of intellectual history.
The problematic parts that I find concerning or annoying, are few, specific, and containable.
For example, swapping race ability score improvements and proficiencies solves just about every problem I have ever had with the D&D elf. I can now officially play a Norse version of an elf. It is Charisma and Intelligence/Wisdom - any of which is +2 depending on which fullcaster class I want to explore (typically Bard, Paladin, Druid, or hopefully Psion). I swap out the weapons for Arcana and Persuasion.
I dont mind Trance, and would love to swap darkvision for an other cantrip. But the 5e rules for building an elf are satisfying.
I also hate the D&D gods, but that is a setting choice. Put the Xanathars cosmic force Cleric in core rules of the Players Handbook, and I am satisfied.
For my identity personally, that is pretty much it. No big deal. I love D&D.
I support the identies of other players too. I care about depictions of women in terms of heroism, goodlooks, and skin exposure mirroring that of men in frequency. I care about depictions of samesex couples and transgender showing up often enough.
When I see African diaspora cultures or Asian cultures, or Romani culture, voicing concerns about thoughtless repetition of memes, I agree that this kind of cultural misrepresentation is inappropriate.
The 5e Players Handbook can benefit from a cleanup. 5e has been evolving for almost a decade now. It is due for a revisit for clarifications and options anyway.
D&D is an awesome game. I want any player from any part of the world, from any culture to be able to enjoy it wholeheartedly.