D&D General How do you handle Romance in D&D games?

[Henadic Theologian]

Given Strixhaven: Cirriculum of Chaos and BG3 deal with Romance (and even sex and nudity) in D&D, I was wondering what you thought of that and how you handle it in home game?

Personally I'm surprised Strixhaven will deal with subject matter given that MTG seem so asexual, the only story I saw that had anyone getting action that I recall in MtG was Purphoros and that Water Goddess, with a bit of Romance stuff between planeswalkers.

FR on the other hand is the opposite of that, hypersexual with enough Gods of Ronance and other hedonistic pursuits to make their own Pantheon, so I wasn't surprised by BG3 being so adult in subject matter.

Personally I've never had to deal with it outside of CRPG in D&D.

 

[Bolares]

It all depends on the tables confort levels. My standard is romance being okay, but always initiate by the player (if the other character is an NPC) or with the consent of both players before the romance begins (if the other character is a PC). Sex stuff I prefer to fade to black. Sometimes, if it makes sense for the character and the player is ok with it NPCs will flirt and make sexual advances on a PC, but romance always begin with a PC showing interest in pursuing that.

 

[billd91]

Personally I'm surprised Strixhaven will deal with subject matter given that MTG seem so asexual, the only story I saw that had anyone getting action that I recall in MtG was Purphoros and that Water Goddess, with a bit of Romance stuff between planeswalkers.

FR on the other hand is the opposite of that, hypersexual with enough Gods of Ronance and other hedonistic pursuits to make their own Pantheon, so I wasn't surprised by BG3 being so adult in subject matter.

Welcome to the difference between a collectable card game and a role playing game? By that, I mean there's lore behind MtG, but it's not like players need to engage with any sort of role playing or interaction with it or any semblance of normal human behavior to play the game. You shuffle, deal, draw, tap, declare attacks/blocking, whatever. You don't have to do anything but interact with it mechanically.

While you can limit yourself to playing in a pawn directing style in an RPG, the settings and interaction are designed/intended to mimic fantasy versions of human society and to allow players to enact any sort of open-ended behavior they want or find acceptable. So, yeah, romance of sorts is frequently included in role playing games - at least in the background - just as it is in human life.

In the games I run, if players want their PCs to engage in romantic or sexual relations, they may do so. If among party members, players need to consent to it mutually. If between PCs and NPCs, I'm the one who gets to define how the NPCs react to it. And if things "get busy", we fade to black.

 

[el-remmen]

Romance between NPCs is different than romance involving one or more PCs.

Between NPCs it is plot point, a motivation, a way to develop pathos for these fake people that makes them feel more real. The star-crossed lovers, the missing betrothed, the dead spouse returned from the grave are all things that can be part of a D&D adventure or encounter.

Involving PCs it gets more dicey. For my part as DM, PC-involved romance has to 1. be player motivated 2. not involve actual playing out romantic gestures/overtures in first-person (too awkward both for those involved and those who have to watch). For example, the tiefling ranger in my Ghosts of Saltmarsh+ campaign expressed a crush on Oceaus the sea elf. She decided that, but it seemed like it could provide cool character moments so I had him coyly also express interest- and now every once in a while she just mentions in-character how she can't wait to see him again (it has been a while) and that is just one more hook to keep the party tied into the plot that involves him and his people and that's good in my book. But so far it is chaste romantic love.

Mostly the romance stuff itself is kept off-screen, but the consequences and feelings that can drive adventurous action is the focus.

 

[iserith]

I think the main thing is to make it as cringey for everyone as possible so they get back to dungeon delving and never try it again.

 

[Bolares]

I think the main thing is to make it as cringey for everyone as possible so they get back to dungeon delving and never try it again.

#dmadvice

 

[Steampunkette]

NPCs are as romantic as the story calls for. I've had people laugh and get gleeful when I had a Gomez/Morticia styled pair ("Anmara, That's Thassilonian!" vigorously kisses hand and arm "We have guests, dear." pauses, looks at the players "You're right. Maybe later you can translate for me...") play up being very romantic without it being overtly sexual.

With players, it's always going to be on the player's terms when there's an NPC involved with a single exception: Saying "No." NPCs say no in my games. Whether they're in relationships, find the PC morally objectionable, or just don't particularly like the character. No Nat 20 in the world will change it, either.

Romance between players gets monitored by me to make sure things don't get (or start) one-sided and uncomfortable.

Sex is heavily implied, but off-camera. "The noises from the next room are certainly... boisterous. But you manage to take a long rest normally." for example.

 

[pming]

Hiya!

Given Strixhaven: Cirriculum of Chaos and BG3 deal with Romance (and even sex and nudity) in D&D, I was wondering what you thought of that and how you handle it in home game?

I've done Romance several times over the years, each time being better than the last simply due to life experiences and all of us being more mature and having actual, deep, loving relationships (out of my last 6 players, 5 were married, with the last getting married a couple years before they moved down to Vancouver; so...everyone married and 4/6 having kids).

Anyway, I don't do it much because I (we I guess) found it was...hmmm... "too personal". We like to have character's attached to other characters emotionally, sure, but romance? Well, lets just say that the last time I did it, 'seriously' was back in the late 90's. When "Kilashaundra" (my future-wife's 1e Ranger) had to leave Homlett by order of Dame Gold in order to track down the Slavers...the local stable-boy/man who had fallen deeply in love with her and she had some serious feelings towards him. Put it this way, I think only one person at the table wasn't reaching for the tissues...I certainly dampened my sleeves! Talk about heart-wrenching!

We had to take a 15 minute break after the last 'scene' in order to compose ourselves and get back to it. LOL!

I think all of us at that time came to the conclusion that having romance THAT deep and prevalent in our game was just a tad too much for us to handle, emotionally. So we tone it down a bit. There are "relationships" that are both physical and emotional between PC's/NPC's, but we try and 'gloss over' a lot of the RP'ing and keep it more along the line of "superficial teen romance" in stead of "deep and mature romance".

Same idea with violence, really: "The bulette latches onto the head of your horse and in one swift yank, decapitates it! You and the dead mount crash to the ground as the creature gulps down it's snack" ...that's fine. Descriptive, but not over the top, versus... well, use your imagination on all the sickening things I could say to describe crunching, slurping, popping, and other such descriptors.

Sometimes "too much" actually IS "too much".

^_^

Paul L. Ming

 

[Weiley31]

Table preference. Obviously if anybody tries to be an intentional blick about it, then pretty much expect something bad/karma to happen to the offending player's pcX20 before booting/perma-banning said player from the table.


And I've watched enough DND horror stories on Youtube in regards to what constitutes as being a *bick about it.*

 

[billd91]

I think the main thing is to make it as cringey for everyone as possible so they get back to dungeon delving and never try it again.

In this case, as a magical academy, chances are any romance for any character would be their first, cringey foray into that world of hormones, crushes, infatuation, and equal chances at bliss and disappointment.