My desire is explicitly for a world that feels realistic. If "player driven play" requires the players to have more information than their characters would reasonably have access to, then I'm opposed to it.
I don't think that is a good definition of player driven play though.
Sorry for swimming way upthread. Holy moley you guys are fast.
But, I'd point out that this is a fundamental misunderstanding of how player driven play works.
Take the cliche of bribing the gate guard. In traditional play, the DM/GM knows if this guard is bribable or not. Thus, the advice to investigate further, check other sources, etc. All of those things are meant to exist in the game world and the DM is meant to have answers to those actions.
In a player driven game, the question of "can I bribe this guard" isn't asked that way. It's stated as, "I'm going to bribe this guard." At that point, no one at the table has any idea if this guard is bribable or not. That's what the mechanics are for. Depending on the system, you will roll some sort of test. The results of that test will tell the table whether or not the guard is bribable, or, maybe it will introduce a new complication, and the table works out what that complication is based on the context of the action.
It's not a question of the player knowing more than his or her character. It's that there isn't anyone who knows the answer until the action is taken. It's something I really struggle with when introducing players to player driven games. "Can I" questions are pretty much pointless in this context because, frankly, no one at the table knows. Maybe this guard is a shining bastion of truth and integrity. Maybe this guard will sell his own grandmother for a copper. No one knows. But, once it's established at the table, now everyone knows and everyone then works off of that new information equally.
There is no black box.