Fall Ceramic DM - Final Round Judgment Posted!

I don't have a backup. I don't even have my comments for 1.7 any more.

Please tell me you got them. Please...

I did, it's 1.8 that I need

Those going on to Round 2, please start posting your availability.

Congratulations, Orchid Blossom. I enjoyed your story and look forward to reading what you come up with in the following round(s).

mythago said:

Maldur
Secret agent kobolds, demons, guns, ant-enforcers. This world seems interesting, do you have more?

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Lots more, although much of it is still in my head. I just set the story in my homebrew world of Shattered Skies (link to story-hour with several historical documents in my sig), on the theory that I know it pretty well, so it should be easy to write in it, and also because working with it should force me to come up with more details to fill in the world. Several of the details of the story, including the idea of the tendrilscars are new to the world, so it worked pretty well.

mythago said:

Mythago
I found myself both liking and disliking the mixture of fantasy/DnD with anachronism. Sometimes it’s funny and sometimes it bleeds over into being a little too cute. Overall the storyline runs along just fine—and then it stops, with the kobold and Halfling going on to more adventures. We don’t really have a resolution of the first part of the story; and I felt that it makes Yelmak’s daring escape less like a break from a life of slavery and more like an inconvenience, a chase scene from a spy movie.

The prose jerks around too much at times. “Barely even noting the ostentatious richness of the decorations?” Too much action crammed in not because it’s believable (either Yelmak notices the ostentatious stuff or he doesn’t, probably the latter because he’s seen it so often), but because you’re describing it to the reader. If it’s not new to Yelmak, why is it new to us? This kind of thing gets in the way of an otherwise really interesting storyline. It’s like a sleek sports car with square tires.

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Good points. You're absolutely right about the ending being weak and lacking resolution. It's the result of looking at the clock and seeing that I had 7 minutes until the deadline. Likewise, the point about the description is a good one. I should have written that sentence from an objective POV--just trying to cram too much in.

mythago said:

Berandor

Boojum: "No title"

However, then your sentences often get too long, as early as the second paragraph. Most of the times, you could cut half the words and still keep the gist intact. In fact, it would make your prose stronger.

Also, try to look out for the following words: Begin/start: when you use them, you imply a stop later on.

seem/appear: 4 out of 5 times, you can cut this word and end up with a better sentence.

somehow/something/etc.: These words tell us nothing. There are situations when you have to use them, but without a distinct reason for the lack of information you can normally just cut these sentences without damaging your story, as you haven't told us anything, anyway.

Can/be able to: Really, if a character can do something, just let him do it. It's much stronger that way.

know (that): Likewise, if the protagonist knows something, just tell us.

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Wow. Excellent points and ones that will really help me refine my style as a writer. Thank you very much.

I know that I can tend to have something of a problem with excessive wordiness when I start writing, and I'll have to see if I will be able to somehow reduce that to make my prose seem clearer and somewhat less wordy.

Thanks to all the judges for your helpful feedback and encouragement, and congratulations again to Orchid Blossom. I look forward to seeing how the rest of the contest plays out.

I'm available any time. I may have problems posting over thanksgiving, but that's a ways away.

There's no real change for my scheduling. As always, weekends are best. Friday night worked well for me. I was glad to have Monday night to work before it was due.

I am available nearly all the time.



Of course, I got spanked in the first round.



And I got beaten by Rodrigo.

All right then, no time like the present. We go to five pics a round now. And the gloves are off.

CREDITS:
Montage courtesy of Sialia
Montmartre courtsey of thelilstock

Round 2.1, Macbeth vs. orchid blossom

I'm set to go at any time.

As soon as we hear from Sparky, you two are good to go.

When I said weekends, I didn't mean this one! Good thing Ao was looking through the thread, or I wouldn't have seen these until late tomorrow.