And your dad knew that when he was captured at the end of those Clone Wars, when the enemy was coming to take us both, they would take his precious lightsaber. The way your dad looked at it, that lightsaber was your birthright. He’d be damned if any stormtroopers were gonna put their metal hands on his boy’s birthright. So with his dying breath, he hid it in the one place he knew he could hide something. His butt. Five long years, he hid this lightsaber up his butt. Then he died of dysentery, he gave me the lightsaber. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of alloyed composite metal up my butt for two years. Then, after seven years, I escaped and made my way back to Tatooine.
And now, young Skywalker, I give the lightsaber to you.