I am going to address your post a little out of order.
Nope, not at all what I am saying. What I am saying is that there is a cost associated with the acquisition of new spells. This cost is paid out of the wizard's portion of the treasure through the acquisition of scrolls and are then scribed into her spellbook. Spells can be acquired by adventuring and finding scrolls or spending gold at a magic item shop. When I stated that a DM has some measure of control on availability I meant that he determines where treasures are placed in a dungeon and where magic items can be bought in cities. This is the same control that the DM already had with respects to non-casters.
The thing is, we do not want to eliminate any spells from the game - that's the point. We can leave every spell in the game.
First, I am not DMing this campaign - I am playing the wizard. I know how fun it is to play under this system. I would not have brought it up here if I did not enjoy it.
Second, I have never found myself wanting for a particular spell. If I need a spell I can just go to Greyhawk and purchase the spell (assuming I have the time and coin for it).
Third, I don't consider a wizard's spell casting to be like a fighter's feat progression. Rather, I think it is closer to a fighter's arms and armor - which the fighter has to pay for out of his share of the treasure. It seemed only fair that the wizard should do the same.
Fourth, when we considered making this change it was done through group consensus. It was discussed and agreed to as the most elegant way to fix what we felt were the problems with the wizard.
Fifth, we have been a gaming group for over ten years now. We are all adults and are mature enough not to be passive-aggressive or go on any power trips. I don't really worry at all about the DM screwing my character over or deciding some spell does not exist based on a whim or a lark.
Sixth, this is not the only rules change we have made over the years. Monks have been given full B.A.B., fighters have had their skill lists opened and their skill points added to. Discussing the wizard alone is taking things a little out of context but it was the solution we found that works best for what we want to do. If people like it and want to try it - so be it. If not, it is no skin off my back. I know that it works well for us.
Seventh, there may be a happy medium somewhere where the wizard acquires one free spell a turn rather than two. Perhaps our solution is more extreme than some gaming groups can handle, but I do think the idea holds merit.
Eighth, Happy Gaming!