40 year old man wants to join my game
- Thread starter Nyaricus
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The simple truth is that 30-40 somethings make up the majority of the gaming community despite seeming otherwise from your own perspective. Thus, if you put an add out there, you're going to attract that age bracket for the most part unless you advertise somewhere where only younger people will see it.Nyaricus said:So, despite the completely ripped off title (see: 14 year old girl wants to join my game) I'm completely serious. A 40 year old man wants to join my game.
This isn't the first time this has happened, either. I have an add on D&D Meetups, and while I'm not explicit about the ages of my group I'm trying to form, it's quite evident we're all a younger crowd of folks (for the record, I'm 19 and the other confirmed players are 16, 17 and 20) from references to university and high school.
What makes me kinda go "wtf?" though is that this guy seems to be completely comfortable gaming with a group of strangers much younger then he, and I just can't get into his mindset. In any case, I won't be accepting him into the group (I met him at a Timmy Ho's in real life, and he's frankly more than a bit of a weirdo) but can anyone explain why I keep getting hits from mid 30 to 40 year old guys looking for game? Are people really that desperate?
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--N
I'd love to hear your explanation of them being "desperate". What exactly does that mean. That they answer your ad and want to game makes them desperate?! What does that make you for advertising that you want players?
DM-Rocco
Explorer
Okay, my bad. I got you mixed up with the other poster. But my reply is still good if it is for a "14 year old girl wants to join my gaming group," or a "40 year old man want to join my gaming group," or a "65 year trans-sexual wants to join my gaming group," judge not less ye be judged and all that.
Here is my reply from the 14 year old girl thread when I thought you two posters where the same:
I think I have a problem with your posts. I don't think that you are giving all of the facts or you just don't like 14 year old girls and 40 year old men.
Seriously though, what do you teach at age 19 that makes you such an expert on life that you can judge how a 40 year old man or a 14 year old girl will fit in your gaming life? Your other players are for the record, 16, 17 and 20, so a 14 year old girl, with permission from the parents, is not that bad of a fit and remembering back to my own male youth, probably more mature. I could see the odd joke arising once or twice but as a responsible DM a quick, "let's keep it clean," speech on your part to the other players would most likely be enough to stop that in its tracks.
As to the 40 year old man, well, as Wiz Boot said, "wait until your 40". I'm not there yet, but soon. What you say might be true, he might be weird, I can only wonder what you will be like at 40 since you now at 19 have such a narrow opinion of others.
Perhaps you should re-list your ad saying something like, "Gamers wanted. Must be clean cut college or college want a be, ages 16-21 (and only 21 so we can have someone to buy beer). No weirdos and must be male."
I'm not flaming you, I just don't get it, truely. I could see a lot of problems from letting either in your group but I tend to focus more on what they can offer to the group rather than the potential problems that might arise. A 40 year old gamer, great, let's get him in and pick his brain. Unless he is new to the sport he must have great ideas and experiences. Bring him in for a game or two and tell him it is a probation peroid. If he turns out to be truely weird tell him that it is just not working out but don't put an ad out there asking for gamers and then getting mad that gamers respond.
As for the girl, well, girls are usually rare in the field so I always encourage them in the game and they usually keep the game more on focus rather than, "I roll to see if I am drunk yet." Although, sometimes it doesn't matter and people will try to get drunk in D&D no matter what you do.
Here is my reply from the 14 year old girl thread when I thought you two posters where the same:
I think I have a problem with your posts. I don't think that you are giving all of the facts or you just don't like 14 year old girls and 40 year old men.
Seriously though, what do you teach at age 19 that makes you such an expert on life that you can judge how a 40 year old man or a 14 year old girl will fit in your gaming life? Your other players are for the record, 16, 17 and 20, so a 14 year old girl, with permission from the parents, is not that bad of a fit and remembering back to my own male youth, probably more mature. I could see the odd joke arising once or twice but as a responsible DM a quick, "let's keep it clean," speech on your part to the other players would most likely be enough to stop that in its tracks.
As to the 40 year old man, well, as Wiz Boot said, "wait until your 40". I'm not there yet, but soon. What you say might be true, he might be weird, I can only wonder what you will be like at 40 since you now at 19 have such a narrow opinion of others.
Perhaps you should re-list your ad saying something like, "Gamers wanted. Must be clean cut college or college want a be, ages 16-21 (and only 21 so we can have someone to buy beer). No weirdos and must be male."
I'm not flaming you, I just don't get it, truely. I could see a lot of problems from letting either in your group but I tend to focus more on what they can offer to the group rather than the potential problems that might arise. A 40 year old gamer, great, let's get him in and pick his brain. Unless he is new to the sport he must have great ideas and experiences. Bring him in for a game or two and tell him it is a probation peroid. If he turns out to be truely weird tell him that it is just not working out but don't put an ad out there asking for gamers and then getting mad that gamers respond.
As for the girl, well, girls are usually rare in the field so I always encourage them in the game and they usually keep the game more on focus rather than, "I roll to see if I am drunk yet." Although, sometimes it doesn't matter and people will try to get drunk in D&D no matter what you do.
Dragon Snack
First Post
Well, if he's a weirdo, he's a weirdo. No need to game with someone you're uncomfortable with. But...
I'm 38 (I AM? Crap, I've wasted my life on gaming!) and one of my groups is all 17-20 year olds (Yeah, I'm the creepy old man). It's not quite the same since there were 2 other 30 year olds in the group (a married couple, brother of one of the 20 year olds) before they had to move, but I don't think anybody in the group considers it strange that I still game with them.
If it makes you uncomforatble, it's time to put your age preference in your ad.
I'm 38 (I AM? Crap, I've wasted my life on gaming!) and one of my groups is all 17-20 year olds (Yeah, I'm the creepy old man). It's not quite the same since there were 2 other 30 year olds in the group (a married couple, brother of one of the 20 year olds) before they had to move, but I don't think anybody in the group considers it strange that I still game with them.
If it makes you uncomforatble, it's time to put your age preference in your ad.
I was thinking the same thing. Get out of my head! And pay no attention to those other thoughts.Jeysie said:You know, when I first saw this message, I thought it was a satirical turnaround double-standards statement for the "14-year-old" thread. Having read through it... I think it's an *unintentional* satirical turnaround double-standards statement for the "14-year-old" thread.
Sadly, they are all too often willing to overlook the last part...Jeysie said:
Darn youngsters (I turn 50 in February). 
The problem that more mature gamers (30+) have is that real-life gets in the way of their games.
My normal group is about the same age as me (the oldest are slightly younger than me) and some of "our" children (all in their teens). We have had to cancel several games because of other commitments - something that younger gamers (high teens to low 20s) have come across quite yet. In general they don't have to go to their kid's open houses or recitals or even trick or treating . . .yet.
IMO it is best to look for gamers that think alike (in regards to rules and style of play) and are not of the "creepy" kind (noting of course that there is no shortage of those at any age - not just the "older" crowd).
The problem that more mature gamers (30+) have is that real-life gets in the way of their games.
My normal group is about the same age as me (the oldest are slightly younger than me) and some of "our" children (all in their teens). We have had to cancel several games because of other commitments - something that younger gamers (high teens to low 20s) have come across quite yet. In general they don't have to go to their kid's open houses or recitals or even trick or treating . . .yet.
IMO it is best to look for gamers that think alike (in regards to rules and style of play) and are not of the "creepy" kind (noting of course that there is no shortage of those at any age - not just the "older" crowd).
cougent
First Post
I love this!Scott_Holst said:Hi-
I'm old as dirt but my players are young evil punks.
Scott
At 38 I started a group in 2000 that was all 20 somethings. Over the next 5 years people were added and people left so that by 2005 when I was 43 the group had become 18-21 in age. The 18 had joined at 13 as the little brother of another player, but I already knew their mom. I personally have no problem dealing with younger people as a DM.
As a player I would like to play with a mixed group of various ages, I personally would be uncomfortable in a group of all late teens simply because I would not know their culture very well, so I would miss all the jokes. A mixed group though with some teens would not bother me though because they do add some new things to the game that my old set in its ways gray matter would never conceive.
Some may see it as a double standard, especially some of you young whippersnappers, but there is a MONUMENTALLY HUGE difference between talking about a 14 year old girl (minor) and a 40 year old man (adult) joining any group, even if it were the same group (which these 2 are not even close). A 14 year old girl is not legally responsible for herself no matter how mature, while a 40 year old man is legally responsible for not only his actions but in some cases the actions happening around him as well.
Oh, and just for the record, creepiness is not exclusive to us old geezers, I have turned away 20 year olds that pegged the creepy meter as well.
Nonlethal Force
First Post
Another 32 year old chimming in here. I didn't start gaming until 12 years ago, so I was in my twenties already by then, but really age is meaningless so long as everyone around the table wants the same thing. If I sat down at a table where lewd behavior and crude language was the goal I wouldn't be happy even if everyone was my same age.
On the other hand, I regularily sit down with 60-70 year olds (not gamers, however) and have a perfectly good time socializing and interacting with them. For that matter, I also spend a good bit of time around 12-18 year olds (again, not gamers) and have a perfectly good time as well. My point - and others have made it as well - is that age is not near the barrier that people can make it out to be. Mindset and expectations are far more important than age. [And, in the case of minors, legal issues and accountability are important as well]
I do regularily participate in a once-a-month "game day" where we play anything from trivial pursuit to card games. It's a lot of fun, and there are often people ages 12-80 gathered around the table. So long as we all come in with the same expectations it's all good.
On the other hand, I regularily sit down with 60-70 year olds (not gamers, however) and have a perfectly good time socializing and interacting with them. For that matter, I also spend a good bit of time around 12-18 year olds (again, not gamers) and have a perfectly good time as well. My point - and others have made it as well - is that age is not near the barrier that people can make it out to be. Mindset and expectations are far more important than age. [And, in the case of minors, legal issues and accountability are important as well]
I do regularily participate in a once-a-month "game day" where we play anything from trivial pursuit to card games. It's a lot of fun, and there are often people ages 12-80 gathered around the table. So long as we all come in with the same expectations it's all good.
Festivus
First Post
Quartz said:Aging fart checking in. You'd be surprised at how many of us there are out there.
And how willing we are to lend a hand to you young'uns.
*check* I am 42 here, and I play with a couple upper 30's and a 21 year old. 21 is typically the bottom age I am comfortable playing with in a home game, because I do like to drink beer when I play. At conventions and whatnot as long as they are over 12 I am fine with grouping up to play.
The wierdo factor is another thing, perhaps a trial period with your group would be in order?
