Like both of you, even after 15 years of gaming, I mostly don't have any horror stories. I prefer to know people before I start gaming with them...but the downside to this strategy is that it precludes public play, and in the past I've gone long periods without a group. I suppose this hobby does attract perhaps more than its share of weirdos; we either learn to deal with them, or we don't get to play as much.
aramis erak
Legend
I've an old friend who was much the same. (Dave's a navy vet with a traumatic brain injury. IIRC, While on SP duty, he got beaten severely by locals.)
Perhaps the solution for one like him is a token-board or action cards. He lays out his turn ahead of time, and on his intiative, whichever actions he has in front are the one's taken - including, if he's truly zoned, continuing to attack a corpse.
And a player like that can be a contributory member of a group. But there's also another option yet...
Let them hang out and listen to the game, perhaps having him roll for some of the monsters, and have a stack of cards for DM collaboration.
When we played games with lots of math (GURPS, HERO, Rolemaster), Dave didn't play. He was still welcomed to group, and continued to show (and share snackage). GURPS got really hard on him - before his accident he could have done it cold; now, he struggles with basic addition and subtraction, and he's really aware of how much he's lost since.
Those are some damn good suggestions, aramis.
Brain injuries: they scare me more than dying does.
Brain injuries: they scare me more than dying does.
S
Sunseeker
Guest
We did this actually, it didn't help. He knew what to do he just couldn't decide to do it, even if was a simple as "same thing I did last round".
iserith
Magic Wordsmith
Some horror stories from back in the day. We needed an additional player or two and made some posts to the forums hosted by a local gaming store. Here's what we got.
The Stank: This guy was a decent roleplayer and could add up a pile of dice so fast it amazed. But, man, he smelled bad. Like really bad. If the guy reached across the table to get something, everyone would turn green and scoot their chair back a foot or two. One day he asked if we could come pick him up for the session (he lived nearby) and we said okay. He asked for us not to leave for 30 minutes so he could grab a shower which we thought was awesome. When we picked him up, I hopped out of the passenger side so it would be easier for him to get in the back and as he climbed in I caught a whiff - he smelled worse than ever! Anyway, for the sake of olfactory harmony, The Stank had to go.
The Math Whiz: This player was a nice enough guy, but he lacked the ability to do math. And here, I'm not exaggerating. Adding two single-digit numbers together, even if it resulted in another single-digit number was an impossibility for him. No big deal, rather than wait for him to figure it out, we'd just do the math for him. Only this made him mad, even though we didn't mind doing it. At a certain point, he started bringing a calculator to the game and pre-entering his attack or damage bonus into it and a plus sign, then entering the result of the die when he rolled. The pace-killing aspect of this was just too much, so the Math Whiz was subtracted from the group.
The Stank: This guy was a decent roleplayer and could add up a pile of dice so fast it amazed. But, man, he smelled bad. Like really bad. If the guy reached across the table to get something, everyone would turn green and scoot their chair back a foot or two. One day he asked if we could come pick him up for the session (he lived nearby) and we said okay. He asked for us not to leave for 30 minutes so he could grab a shower which we thought was awesome. When we picked him up, I hopped out of the passenger side so it would be easier for him to get in the back and as he climbed in I caught a whiff - he smelled worse than ever! Anyway, for the sake of olfactory harmony, The Stank had to go.
The Math Whiz: This player was a nice enough guy, but he lacked the ability to do math. And here, I'm not exaggerating. Adding two single-digit numbers together, even if it resulted in another single-digit number was an impossibility for him. No big deal, rather than wait for him to figure it out, we'd just do the math for him. Only this made him mad, even though we didn't mind doing it. At a certain point, he started bringing a calculator to the game and pre-entering his attack or damage bonus into it and a plus sign, then entering the result of the die when he rolled. The pace-killing aspect of this was just too much, so the Math Whiz was subtracted from the group.
Doctor Futurity
Hero
Crazy....but let me relay a suggestion by example: about four months ago I kicked three out of nine players in my Saturday group. Unofficially it was because I realized that collectively these players who had essentially invited each other without my asking had, over several months, turned the session into an ordeal instead of an experience, and my interest in the group was waning. They were all older adult gamers and not fractionally as bad as what you described, but it was more than enough for me to realize they were the wrong fit for my group. So....following the session when I realized this, I sent out my email notifying everyone that the group was too large and three players had to go. I tried to be diplomatic by not saying, "you three suck, yer off the island" but I did clearly state that I only was interested in the six players originally in my group, and that it was time to part ways, no exceptions.
Sometimes, you have to do it.
EDIT: the above with tough because each player was probably fine on some level, but it took several months of gaming to realize that they were not good fits in terms of personality/style. More egregious examples are usually snubbed in my groups really quickly, like the ones you identified. Some other examples I have:
Special Needs Extreme: A player who is blind and socially challenged. He tried to get into one of my D&D Next playtests about two years back and initially it seemed fine. Within minutes he was at the table, loudly asking who would read the books and numbers for him while making constant juvenile lewd jokes. We quickly figured something was ...off....but none of us knew him so after several more minutes we got him to admit he was legally blind. We gave it another twenty minutes of trying to work with him but then began to realize he seemed to suffer from some form of ADHD on top of everything else. I finally stated that as much as I wanted to accommodate him our group was not equipped to do so.
Tophat: Another player, whom we nick-named "Tophat" (because of the top hat he wore everywhere) showed up. He was an odd duck: I explained it was "Pathfinder by the book, Paizo supplements only" and he proceeded to try and make a hybrid 2E/3E character. He sat at the table and then freaked when he explained he needed one full arm's length of space to either side of him to function. He later had a panic attack when I started eating...the motion/noise of eating was driving him nuts. I was genuinely amused by this guy and half convinced it was some sort of elaborate performance art act when, while he was off having his panic attack, one of my players explained that he had been room mates with Tophat in college and he HATED HIM. He begged me not to let him stay in the group....so when he came back I kicked him. Sanity of one good player worth far more than the amusement I was experiencing at watching one of the top five most dysfunctional humans I had yet met.
Sometimes, you have to do it.
EDIT: the above with tough because each player was probably fine on some level, but it took several months of gaming to realize that they were not good fits in terms of personality/style. More egregious examples are usually snubbed in my groups really quickly, like the ones you identified. Some other examples I have:
Special Needs Extreme: A player who is blind and socially challenged. He tried to get into one of my D&D Next playtests about two years back and initially it seemed fine. Within minutes he was at the table, loudly asking who would read the books and numbers for him while making constant juvenile lewd jokes. We quickly figured something was ...off....but none of us knew him so after several more minutes we got him to admit he was legally blind. We gave it another twenty minutes of trying to work with him but then began to realize he seemed to suffer from some form of ADHD on top of everything else. I finally stated that as much as I wanted to accommodate him our group was not equipped to do so.
Tophat: Another player, whom we nick-named "Tophat" (because of the top hat he wore everywhere) showed up. He was an odd duck: I explained it was "Pathfinder by the book, Paizo supplements only" and he proceeded to try and make a hybrid 2E/3E character. He sat at the table and then freaked when he explained he needed one full arm's length of space to either side of him to function. He later had a panic attack when I started eating...the motion/noise of eating was driving him nuts. I was genuinely amused by this guy and half convinced it was some sort of elaborate performance art act when, while he was off having his panic attack, one of my players explained that he had been room mates with Tophat in college and he HATED HIM. He begged me not to let him stay in the group....so when he came back I kicked him. Sanity of one good player worth far more than the amusement I was experiencing at watching one of the top five most dysfunctional humans I had yet met.
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