Collaboration in itself is fine; but the second I get any sense that collaboration is being enforced I'll push back, and hard.
It is a table rule (at all our tables), that players think about other players when choosing their actions. Not the characters, the players, so people are mindful of each other. It does not preclude characters acting like jerks, just the players acting like jerks. And if you don't abide by this table rule, then just don't play.
I've had players at my table that, given what seem to be your tastes, would probably send you screaming for the hills.

Not all of them worked out, but those that did will - in the best of ways - never be forgotten.
We have moments too, but possibly more collective ones. And we have rebels too, it's just the characters, as long as it amuses the players.
I guess it also comes down to how seriously everyone takes it all. I take it seriously enough to show up on time for the games and to pay attention during them but that's about it: I'm in it for laughs and entertainment (my own and others'), and I've long since learned not to take anything that happens in play all that seriously.
I'm not sure it's a question of "seriously", it's a question of involvement. It's still a game, and we take it like that, but immersion is nice as long as it's not a source of conflict.
I accept (and expect) as a simple fact of life that there's going to be times when I'm at the game but not involved in play. The reasons for this are many and varied: self-inflicted (I have my PC off doing something else at the time) or due to in-game bad luck (I fail a save and spend a combat paralyzed and unable to act) or because someone else is on a solo mission and I'm waiting back at base, or because I don't at the moment have a character at all (the last one's dead and the replacement hasn't met the party yet).
And we accept that this is going to happen too, but we just do some efforts to keep it minimal. Not only does it mean that you play more, it also means that you play better (in the sense of the quality that you get back from the game), because you don't have time when you are connected and no-one else is.
Over the long run ideally these moments tend to cancel out such that everyone is out of action for roughly the same total amount of time.
It's not my experience, there are DM hoggers and people always scheming behind the others back, and the only counter to that if the DM does not balance things out is to start scheming as well, therefore lowering again the quality of play for the others. I had one such player (at least one who was worse than a few others at our tables), so for a few sessions, I had him sit outside five minutes for every minute that he took me out for solo play, because while he was doing his things, the others were playing as a group. That cured him very, very quickly.
If the DM wanted to use that character later in the campaign, however, at the very least I as its player/owner would expect a request for permission, and if for whatever unlikely reason my answer was "No" I'd expect the DM to show enough integrity to abide by that.
The permission to use the character in the campaign is granted the instant the character starts to live in the fantasy world. There is no need to require further permission. The DM is not oging to gimp his game, his world and its history just because one player slammed the door.
A game that in part tries to mirror real life, except with a LOT more freedom to do what you want.
But it's still a collaborative game amongst friends, and the intent is not to hurt your friends, nothing more.
Rules are made to be broken, aren't they?
Then why do you insist on transforming rulings into rules ? So that you can break them later ? :[p
If just one person not having fun is enough to veto something it's a wonder anything gets done. But from other things you've said it doesn't seem that hard-line, so...?
Because there is a difference between really destroying someone else's fun and just messing around a bit. The DM does it all the time, putting the characters in dangerous situations, messing around with them, etc. We just want the same limits from one player to the next.
The example that I've given you about planning is that if 4 players enjoy planning, and one find it boring, the "bored" guy will at least let the others to a bit of planning before doing something where all hell breaks loose. And the others will understand that too, realise that they had been planning for too long anyway, and respect what the needs of the other player.
My general guiding ethos is "Do what the character would do"; and if that means one character is going to plan for an hour while another will get bored and stir the pot after five minutes then that's exactly what happens.
And that is exactly what we want to avoid, since it's the route of Matt Colville's wangrods.
We try not to have players witness things their characters wouldn't, in order to keep player knowledge and character knowledge the same so as to prevent metagaming. And yes, sometimes this means lots of notes get passed from player to DM and back (and sometimes from player to player) or the DM goes off with a player for a few moments.
It still happens now and then with our group, but it's the exception rather than the norm.