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D&D General Bad D&D jokes needed


We are currently playing through the Tomb of Annihilation, and one of the characters has picked up a floating skeleton called Yakka who constantly spouts bad jokes. Constantly. The problem is, I'm tapped out of skull and skeleton themed jokes.

Anyone know any terrible jokes that would be appropriate coming from a floating skull?

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He Who Lurks Beyond The Veil
”What do you get when an orc meets a halfling? -About two quarterlings.”

There was some AD&D book filled with bad jokes, but that is the only one I recall...

Edit: Actually, I think I’m way off... That one must have been from some 3rd party book, but one of the Elminster Ecologies book had a page or so with goblin themed jokes... Maybe...
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Dragon Magazine used to put a couple of limericks in Dragon Mirth for a while. Here are the ones I have:

Upon drinking a Philter of Love,
An Elf suffered effects thereof.
As his head started reeling,
He looked to the ceiling.
Now he’s wedded a Lurker Above!

She though it true love she’d found,
When the handsome young centaur came ‘round.
But one roll in the hay,
And he trotted away;
He t’was only horsing around!

Mina found her new lover a blast.
Their romance kindled so fast.
But when she took him to bed,
She found him undead.
Both he and she were a-ghast!

A dour old dwarf named Fritz,
T’was burned right where he sits.
That happens, they say,
When you get in the way
Of a Dragon just as he spits!

A Wily old Wizard named Pops
Polymorphed men ‘mong the treetops
When accosted by thieves
With no tricks up his sleeves,
He would smile, and call for the copse!

A boastful young knave was a-braggin,
‘Bout the time that he bested a dragon,
And to get more attention
He neglected to mention
That the dragon was carved on a flagon.

A jester was seeking a rhyme
To placate his Lord for a time.
He joke of undead
And kept wearing his head.
A lich in line save mime.

A wyrm found a knight its hoard stealing,
Not knowing his fate he was sealing
Wyrm grimaced and said,
“It’s not killing I dread,
But the time that it takes for the Peeling.”

A nymph, one of peace’s proponents,
Never fights, but seduces opponents.
Their violence she’s quell
As if using a spell.
You should see her material components.


What does the skeleton do?
Does a skeleton know how to play a harpsichord?
When does a skeleton run?

Answer to all:
That depends on the necromancer

(Stole that from a scene in DDO)


How do you know there's a halfling in your fridge? - Footprints in the butter.
How do you know there's a dwarf in your fridge? - All your beer is gone, and there are footprints in the butter.
How do you know there's a sorcerer in your fridge? - FIREBALL!


I would just google Dad jokes, many can be used in D&D setting.

How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them!

Also throw in some from Dad jokes D&D and get gems like:
Why did the necromancer's wife leave him?
Because he wouldn't raise kids.

Because about all I can think of is:
What's a ghost's favorite food?


Nightmare before Christmas and that Day of the Dead disney cartoon a couple years back both should have some knucklebone-and-skull style slapstick. Just don't use them if any of your players have young kids in the house, as they'll have seen them dozens of times and will just roll their eyes at you.

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