Campaign quotes

[Mortanis]

Last night, in the midst of our campaign, the party thief wound up making some rather humorous comments. It usually happens, and it reminded some other party members that had gamed with me over the years that I used to keep a journal of all the funny quotes for us to go back over.

It prompted me to return a quotes section to my site.

Everyone's got them. Funny quotes from sessions that has everyone in tears. Post a few here, to pass the time on a slow tuesday!

I'll toss out a couple to start.

Also, to read more, or submit your own, visit my site at DigitalCaelum

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Evenstar: I'll suffocate him with his pillow.
DM: It's working, but the paralysis effects are starting to wear off. He moves his legs a bit.
Evenstar: I sit on his face to finish the job.
DM: It's working better.
Evenstar: I straddle his face and chin!

From my old shadowrun quotes:

Crash.."We've Got Partial Cover Bums Now!"

Player.. "I pick up his gun."
G.M. "The guy just lays there, too dazed to do anything."
Player.."Can I shoot him?"
G.M.. "You have a firearms of 1."
Player.."I have a throwing of 6 though. I throw his gun at him."

G.M.. "The bullets spray into your chest, completely deystroying what's left of your armor, and most of your vital organs. You suffer another serious wound, and with the one you took last turn, that puts you above deadly."
Player.. "Is it a free action to die?"

 

[Altalazar]

I have a bunch at home, but here are a few:

Shadowrun:

As the anti-vehicular missile sails in a gentle arc toward the small speedboat that the whole party is on, the psychotic cyborg blithely says:
"It's ok, the mages can shield us."
(Referring to magical shield dice that only protect against SPELLS!!!)

As two of the party are caught inside a high security facility and are interrogated (verbally, in the hallway) while one of them is in secret contact with the rest of the party through an implanted telecommunications device in his skull, they are asked :
"Are there any others and where are they?"
And the Player replies, "What are you asking ME for, HE'S the one with the head phone!"
(And this player was normally very careful - but it just sort of slipped out - he NEVER lived that one down).

D&D 3.0:

As the all gnome group, led by a gnome meglomaniac sneak through the goblin lair and come upon a somewhat confused looking Ogre, wondering at our presence (we were all 1st level and the Ogre was rather nasty) the Gnome Druid quickly steps forward, hands out and says "It's OK. We're gnomes!" as if that is the only explanation for our presence necessary. It became a common theme after that, whenever anyone was "concerned" with our presence in an area or with what we were dong.

AD&D 2.0:

"I sense . . . DAN-Ger" - Common refrain from a "Prophet" with "Divination" powers - whenever he was asked to actually make a prediction. Invariably, his predictions were correct.

 

[Mortanis]

"It's OK. We're gnomes!"

Classic. *laughs*

 

[Desdichado]

Someone needs to get Rel to tell his story...

 

[der_kluge]

One of our favorite lines is:
"POINTS OF DAMAGE!?"

The explanation is, that invariably someone will attack a monster, and they will roll the dice, fiddle around with some numbers, and then look over at me and say, "23". And I'll say, "is that what you rolled to hit, or what your damage is?" And they'll say, "that's damage." And then someone will say, "POINTS OF DAMAGE?!"

I guess you have to be there. It happens pretty much every game.

 

[tetsujin28]

"I'll just cross without the rope...I only fail on a two..."
This happened twice, mind you, to the same player.

 

[Mortanis]

In last nights campaign, one of my players convinced the local Magistrate that some of the mysterious problems were being caused by "Fire Goblins". He just spouted it off randomly on the fly, but with a few good bluff checks made it into a great elaborate idea. Really there were no such things as Fire Goblins.

Player: Oh, it was probably Fire Goblins that did it. Vicious Fire Goblins!
Magistrate: Fire Goblins? Are they dangerous?
Player: Very! They burn you, and stuff!
Magistrate: How horrible! You must kill them all! Our lives are at stake. 50 gold pieces for each head you bring back.
Player: Uh, Fire Goblins are fiery. They vanish in a puff of smoke and ash when killed!

 

[Kemrain]

I've seen a "Hey, we're new in town.. What's the secret password?" thrown out one time. Everyone around the table was speechless.

Or how about a "I'll just tie this rope around my waist, so if I fall out of this tree, you can pull me down."?

Dear god... These people have JOBS now!

- Kemrain the Afraid.. The Very Afraid.

 

[Arnwyn]

"But it was only a baby!"

- whined by the very paranoid and fame-averse PCs, when word got out that they had slain a young black dragon.

 

[Kender42]

Heh. I actually have a file of these that I have saved - most from very late night gaming sessions where everything becomes funny and even I, our group's DM, cannot resist the early-AM effects of too little sleep, too much Mt Dew, and random silliness:

DM: Okay, the dwarf detects something odd about the wall to your right.
Player 1: They're made of fudge?
Player 2: I lick the tasty fudge wall!

(After 3/5 of the party lies bleeding or dead)
Player 1: This is bad, I can't cure DEAD!

(Huge humanoid forms closing on the party)
Player 1: Are they giants?
DM: They Might Be.

(Party Searching through a giant's sack of items after defeating him and finding a bag full of salt)
Player 1: Is it magical?
Player 2: Yup! It's magical salt! It makes everything taste salty!

(Player #2 had gotten caught in a fireball and was pretty charred and burnt.)
Player 1: : I cast Cure Light Wounds on her.
DM: (rolling very well) She begins to become uncrispy, back to Original Recipie.
Player 1: All right! I am the Anti-Colonel!

Player 1: I cast Ghost Sound. I want it to be the most god-awful screeching noise.
DM: Like this? (does the 'most annoying sound' sound from Dumb and Dumber)
Player 1: No, I was thinking more like the sound of a minotaur deflowering a cat.

Player 1 (Monk): Would you classify a dwarf falling from orbit an exceptional ranged weapon, like a giant's hurled boulder attack?
DM: Yes.
Player 1: So, I guess I can't deflect him then.