Comfort withcross gender characters based on your gender

[Riley37]

It is highly common for adventurers to be exceptions rather than norms.

If you keep this up, eventually you'll play a halfling who walks across a wasteland to Mount Doom, or an elf who becomes friends with a dwarf, or a woman who fights Nazgul. Or a cleric who hangs out with bandits in a forest and blesses Robin Hood's wedding with Maid Marian. Or, speaking of Marian, an American woman who runs a bar in Nepal.

 

[Lanefan]

... Perhaps I have a particularly stronk elf ...

Stronk?

That just became my new word for the day!

 

[Sunseeker]

If you keep this up, eventually you'll play a halfling who walks across a wasteland to Mount Doom, or an elf who becomes friends with a dwarf, or a woman who fights Nazgul. Or a cleric who hangs out with bandits in a forest and blesses Robin Hood's wedding with Maid Marian. Or, speaking of Marian, an American woman who runs a bar in Nepal.

They're such an exception they're the norm!

Stronk?



That just became my new word for the day!

Well I'm glad to have taught you a new word.

 

[MechaPilot]

I'm going to foolishly wade into this thread once more and see if perhaps, I can be more clear.

I come to the table with a character (we have, at this point, reached Hussar's "cypher" point). Through simple introduction, I explain the character is an elf, and female.

NOW! I have established that my character is not myself (a male human), from this point forward, the presentation of this elf female is largely in my hands. If I am playing a fairly culturally-normative elf female, then per @MechaPilot this character should uphold certain established cultural norms and values. I may need some assistance from the GM from time to time since me, the IRL male human, wouldn't know the ins and outs of the elf society I come from, or how women are treated and behave in that society.

BUT! It is highly common for adventurers to be exceptions rather than norms. Perhaps I have a particularly stronk elf, who is a bit of a pyro that likes getting drunk and generally being loud. Most people, regardless of the particulars of any homebrew elf-culture, would compare that to traditional elf cultures (such as portrayed in Tolkein) and agree that's not normative. In fact, that's probably not even normative for IRL human female culture (though it's certainly more possible now than it was before). But more to the point, being strong, enjoying lighting things on fire, getting drunk and being loud are not elements that most people would immediately identify as female.

While fantasy heroes and heroines are (in general) notorious for being exceptions from the norm, I think a gentle reminder is needed that very few characters break every norm. Even the aforementioned loud, drunken, pyro she-elf might wear flowers in her hair (or not, that's just something elf women in my setting are prone to do), show respect for the wilderness and the creatures that live there, have a green thumb, wear clothing with flowers or trees embroidered on them, or might loudly sing an elvish love song while drunkenly trying to woo someone down at the local pub.

And, of course, there's also the matter of what the character does with his/her money. I recall a mermaid bard I played in 3e who found a black-pearl necklace as part of a treasure hoard. I decided she might like to keep it instead of selling it (she already had more money on her character sheet than I knew what do with), and she even commissioned a pair of earrings to compliment the necklace.

It's just a matter of finding little ways to implement your characterization. Like the dwarf warrior I once played who had the names of his family members engraved on his shield, because he was superstitious and he believed having his family with him in battle like that brought him good luck.

 

[Hussar]

And the salient features of the character are what now? Are we in agreement what they are? Are you in agreement with the rest of your table (of virtual table)? Are they what I, as the player of the player character, choose to make prominent in my portrayal or are they imposed externally by you?

Now, honestly, this is an interesting question. By salient, I'd generally default to stuff that people would pretty much automatically know about you within 10 minutes of meeting you. So, yes, gender (although that can depend on the species of the character, it really might not be apparent, or heck, even exist - my Star Frontiers Dralazite (think giant sentient amoebas), is often pretty apparent when you meet someone. It should certainly be something that the other characters in the group knows (again, there are specific circumstances where this might not be true such as hiding your gender for some reason).

So, yeah, dropping the odd hint once in a while isn't too much to ask is it?

Or, better yet, see @ MechaPilot's excellent answer to the question as well.

 

[Hussar]

Let me turn the question around a bit. Is it reasonable to ask why someone is choosing to play something? If you are choosing to play a different gender, why? This is a conscious choice that you are making. You have deliberately chosen this. So, again, why? And the question applies to every single choice you made when creating this character. If you're a drink loving pyromaniac elf, ok, great. Why? What are you trying to do at the table?

Now, imagine our pyromaniac elf never once sets anything on fire. Never mentions the pyromania at all and never refers to it at the table. In the player's head, the character is a pyromaniac, but, by the character's actions at the table, no one else at the table has any idea that this is true. So, why be a pyromaniac? For that matter, why elf? If you're going to play an elf that is nothing like what elves are generally thought to be, then what are you trying to achieve? Is it simply for the mechanical benefits of being an elf?

I keep coming back to the same basic question. What's the point of playing X if you never actually play X at the table?

 

[solamon77]

As a GM, I don't mind playing cross gendered NPCs (as a matter of fact, I probably couldn't GM if I wasn't), but I don't allow my players to play cross gendered PCs.

 

[Lylandra]

Being a GM basically requires you to portray people, monsters and anything inbetween of all varying alignments, backgrounds and cultures. So I'm totally comfortable with playing male characters.

I also played some as PCs, but never for too long (the campaigns with them simply ended prematurely... in fact the male PC I played the longest was in an online open RPG group... some serene accountant/martial artist/tortoise-enthusiast).

For my (mostly male) players, they can play whatever they want as long as they don't fall back to toxic stereotypes. Or simply play a sexy walking wish-fulfillment on two legs. Or four. Or a tail. I'd always stick to the credo "if you can't play a female character as a fleshed-out person, then don't"

 

[Hussar]

As a GM, I don't mind playing cross gendered NPCs (as a matter of fact, I probably couldn't GM if I wasn't), but I don't allow my players to play cross gendered PCs.

If you don't mind, why not? Hey, I've been a bit critical (maybe more than a bit) of people who play cross gendered characters, but, outright banning it?

 

[Schmoe]

Frankly, I don't require or expect anything of my players for how they play their characters, other than they are not disruptive or offensive. Players have their own reasons for playing the characters they choose, and I'm totally ok with that, whether they want to express certain things through that character, or just experience and internalize certain things through that character.

As DM, I will generally have societies and NPCs treat characters as customary for their identities, but that's as far as it goes. I would never presume to say that a player is playing their character incorrectly, because by definition that is their decision to make. The most I would do is, if asked, give advice on how characters of a certain identity might act in that setting.