Did I do the right thing?

[Darth K'Trava]

Aha.....so the real KenM emerges. Vindictive, spiteful and a bit misogynistic it appears. You didn't mention before that you were hanging out with a prostitute and perhaps she really did not WANT to do drugs anymore but just couldn't kick the habit. Why not go ahead and cross that line? I'd say you already came pretty close.

Have you ever gotten double-crossed by someone who you thought loved you?!?! You don't know how you'll react until it happens. Been there, done that. Still can be a bit vindictive, m'self. So, I can see where he comes from here.

 

[Torm]

Have you ever gotten double-crossed by someone who you thought loved you?!?!

Um... a LOT.

Still can be a bit vindictive, m'self. So, I can see where he comes from here.

Doesn't make you any happier in the long run, though, does it? :\

 

[loki44]

Have you ever gotten double-crossed by someone who you thought loved you?!?!

Well, maybe I've just been lucky, but no. Everyone's different though. Everybody's experiences are different. My intention is not to judge anybody here. I rarely see "good" or "bad" in a person or situation, just different. But I do think it is fair to let people speak for themselves through their actions and/or words. KenM started this thread by asking for advice (he asked whether or not he "did right"). Who am I to give advice to anyone? The best I can hope for is a life challenged and well-questioned.

Having said that, why would anyone deign to be so presumptuous as to assume someone else loves them without knowing it? He who feels it knows it. If it ain't there, it just ain't. I can't imagine being so unsure of my feelings, or those of someone close to me, that this could even be a possibility. But that's just me.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Um... a LOT.

That was basically thrown out to anyone, not just you, Torm...

Doesn't make you any happier in the long run, though, does it? :\

Not really. Am trying to move on despite the fact I see him alot. And the fact that he was once a best friend and I USED to trust him. But no more. I'm surprised, and so is he, that we're still friends after that.... and then him blaming me for the "miscommunication"....

 

[Torm]

I can't imagine being so unsure of my feelings, or those of someone close to me, that this could even be a possibility. But that's just me.

In general, you're probably right - but there are some TRULY TRULY screwed up people out there that can prove to be the exception. I hope you never meet any of them.

 

[Torm]

I'm surprised, and so is he, that we're still friends after that.... and then him blaming me for the "miscommunication"....

Ever see the episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where she hooked up with a guy and had sex for the first time, and then he said he didn't want a relationship and he was sorry there was "miscommunication"? And then later, when she got all Cave Buffy and kicked his sorry tail? That was cool.

"Beer foamy."

 

[Darth K'Trava]

Ever see the episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where she hooked up with a guy and had sex for the first time, and then he said he didn't want a relationship and he was sorry there was "miscommunication"? And then later, when she got all Cave Buffy and kicked his sorry tail? That was cool.

"Beer foamy."

Never did watch that stuff.

He'd have gotten his ass kicked for sure if he pulled the same

with me.

 

[KenM]

Have you ever gotten double-crossed by someone who you thought loved you?!?! You don't know how you'll react until it happens. Been there, done that. Still can be a bit vindictive, m'self. So, I can see where he comes from here.

Thanks. I was venting a bit, i'm extremly heartbroken over this. Part of the reason I put up with it was I was unsure of my feelings. Also, when I felt it was a problem, I offered her help to stop. She told me she did not help to stop, that she was not going to stop and it was not a problem. I have dealt with addicts before, so i know the only was you can help them is if they want to stop. Not sure if I said this here yet, but when she started doing it with me there, she started to say " I can't be fake with you.". To me, this means she was doing it behind my back all along. Why she thought I would be OK with it, since she knew my history with addicts, I have no idea.

 

[fusangite]

Thanks. I was venting a bit, i'm extremly heartbroken over this. Part of the reason I put up with it was I was unsure of my feelings. Also, when I felt it was a problem, I offered her help to stop. She told me she did not help to stop, that she was not going to stop and it was not a problem. I have dealt with addicts before, so i know the only was you can help them is if they want to stop. Not sure if I said this here yet, but

On the one hand, you claim to have experience with addiction and to know how it works. Then you say something like this:

when she started doing it with me there, she started to say " I can't be fake with you.". To me, this means she was doing it behind my back all along. Why she thought I would be OK with it, since she knew my history with addicts, I have no idea.

This suggests that either you don't understand addiction or that you think you are so incredibly special that addicts will stop being addicts simply because they know that them being addicts will upset you. This isn't a very realistic view. This woman thought, mistakenly, that despite the problems you have had with people with drug problems in the past, that you woul choose to continue being with her even after she told you what was really going on. Frankly, I think her expectation was a good deal more reasonable than yours.

 

[Torm]

Thanks. I was venting a bit, i'm extremly heartbroken over this. Part of the reason I put up with it was I was unsure of my feelings. Also, when I felt it was a problem, I offered her help to stop.

See, and now you're sounding much more reasonable again - like the KenM I was defending toward the beginning of the thread. I gotta ask - were you maybe a little drunky the other day when you posted that bit of nastiness?

I have dealt with addicts before, so i know the only was you can help them is if they want to stop.

If you were married or similarly committed, I personally wouldn't have seen anything wrong with locking her in a room until the chemical dependency went away enough to make her see reason, as long as she was treated very well otherwise. I've told my wife I'd do that if she ever got addicted to anything like that, and she'd do the same thing to me. Not that that is likely.

But we're weird. And in a newer relationship (or even in some older ones), that could obviously cause you all sorts of legal problems. :\