Did I do the right thing?

[KenM]

I have no problem with people smoking at a party or in they're own home, but when you are doing it while driving, thats a totally different thing, IMO. Also, unde Mass. Law, if you have an open bottle/ can in the car, it is considered drunk driving. So no, she was not fall down drunk, but if we got pulled over, it would have been considered drunk driving.
Also, she did not start doing this stuff with me until we were friends/ seeing each other for like 8 months. So she was not doing it when we first met. Something happened inside her so she did it in front of me, I tried to give her a chance, but she kept doing it. I'm not sure if she just "snapped" and she started agian, or she was hiding it from me all along and not truthful with me. Because that was the person I fell in love with, not the drug user.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

I have no problem with people smoking at a party or in they're own home, but when you are doing it while driving, thats a totally different thing, IMO. Also, unde Mass. Law, if you have an open bottle/ can in the car, it is considered drunk driving. So no, she was not fall down drunk, but if we got pulled over, it would have been considered drunk driving.

Same here in North Carolina.

Also, she did not start doing this stuff with me until we were friends/ seeing each other for like 8 months. So she was not doing it when we first met. Something happened inside her so she did it in front of me, I tried to give her a chance, but she kept doing it. I'm not sure if she just "snapped" and she started agian, or she was hiding it from me all along and not truthful with me. Because that was the person I fell in love with, not the drug user.

Maybe she thought you'd be cool with it.... ::shrug:: Or else hiding it until she got to know you better....

 

[fusangite]

I have no problem with people smoking at a party or in they're own home, but when you are doing it while driving, thats a totally different thing, IMO. Also, unde Mass. Law, if you have an open bottle/ can in the car, it is considered drunk driving. So no, she was not fall down drunk, but if we got pulled over, it would have been considered drunk driving.

That's true. But you're billing this as being about safety so questions of legality are neither here nor there. My question remains: was she actually consuming enough alcohol to actually exceed an appropriate blood-alcohol level or not? Was she driving in a way that actually endangered people? Or are you just looking at a way to punish someone who chose drug use over you?

I think I'm seeing your reasoning here: this person chose their drug use over me; therefore one of two things must be true: (a) I'm so unloveable that someone would choose being stoned over being with me or (b) this person is so severely and debilitatingly addicted that I'm just a minor casuality compared to all the damage she is in danger of doing. It's nice that you have sufficiently high self-esteem that you have clearly chosen (b) over (a)... well, nice for you anyway.

You're obviously bothered by this woman's chronic stoner lifestyle and confronted her over it several times, eventually upping the ante to the point where you said "it's me or the drugs." She chose the drugs.

But just because she is driving in an illegal way, it does not follow that she is driving in an impaired way.

Also, she did not start doing this stuff with me until we were friends/ seeing each other for like 8 months. So she was not doing it when we first met. Something happened inside her so she did it in front of me,

Yeah. She decided to trust that you would accept her, addiction and all. Sadly, you didn't. And now you're so angry that she won't sacrifice her addiction for you that you're willing to try and send her to jail.

I tried to give her a chance, but she kept doing it. I'm not sure if she just "snapped" and she started agian, or she was hiding it from me all along and not truthful with me. Because that was the person I fell in love with, not the drug user.

The person you fell in love with was the facade any addict erects when they meet someone they don't believe to also be an addict.

We like to think that everyone who is addicted to a drug or activity is harmful to themselves and others because that's what drug war propagandists want us to believe. But that's crap. Go and read Peaceful Measures by Bruce Alexander and it can give you a picture of how many addicts manage their addictions just fine without harming others.

Yeah. It sucks to discover that given a choice between their addiction and you, a person would choose their addiction. But it does not follow that this person will choose their addiction over the lives of innocent pedestrians; and you certainly haven't presented us any evidence of her actually doing so. I find it odd that after three posts, you have yet to offer one example of dangerous driving, carelessness or disregard for others' lives on the part of your ex.

 

[KenM]

Ok, while not endagering anyone per se, When she lit up the joint or opened the bottle while driving with me in the car, I asked her to wait until we got to the place we were going. She said she could not wait, every time, even though she knew i was uncomfortable with her doing it while driving with me there.
Also when we first met, I told her about my past and how I have a bad view of drug users and if she did drugs, it would not work. But she choose to totally ignore my feelings one day and just start doing it. I think she was hiding it from me. She started to do it in front of me even though she knew I would reject her, up until the point I saw her using, everything was great, but she knew it would change things and did not care. Like I said before, if she was just doing it in private, ect, I would not have called police, but doing it while driving is endagering people, thats why.
Also, how come the only people that say "pot is harmless, it does not make you do anything bad." Are the people that use it?

 

[Torm]

I cannot honestly believe there are people defending driving while imbibing impairing substances on this thread!

...attempts to disbelieve, rolls a 19, adds 53 from Will Save bonus, succeeds...

So, what were we actually talking about?

 

[fusangite]

Ok, while not endagering anyone per se,

So, we've agreed that public safety is not your motive here.

When she lit up the joint or opened the bottle while driving with me in the car, I asked her to wait until we got to the place we were going. She said she could not wait, every time, even though she knew i was uncomfortable with her doing it while driving with me there.

Sounds like one of two things is true: (a) she was telling the truth and really needs these drugs ie. she's an addict or (b) she was lying and was basically just callous and uncaring or mean and passive-aggressive.

Also when we first met, I told her about my past and how I have a bad view of drug users and if she did drugs, it would not work.

Sounds like her dishonesty really really hurt you. Obviously she either did it because she has a pretty strong dependency and figured that she liked you so much that she hoped you would change your mind about this or she did it because she was callous and uncaring about your feelings.

But she choose to totally ignore my feelings one day and just start doing it. I think she was hiding it from me. She started to do it in front of me even though she knew I would reject her, up until the point I saw her using, everything was great, but she knew it would change things and did not care.

Or she just cared about the drugs more.

Like I said before, if she was just doing it in private, ect, I would not have called police, but doing it while driving is endagering people, thats why.

But you won't say either of the following things: (a) she is actually over the legal limit in alcohol consumption, (b) you have ever seen her endanger anyone. Nor will you tell us that you ever warned her that you would go to the police if she didn't stop doing this.

What you have told us is that she really hurt you: she was dishonest to you and chose getting stoned and drinking in her car over you. That sucks ass. She is guilty of lying. She is guilty of breaking your heart. She is guilty of doing something that she knew, in advance, would be upsetting. But those aren't justifiable reasons for exploiting your knowledge of her illegal activities to try and send her to jail or get her car seized. Don't hide behind the fact that what she is doing is illegal.

 

[Turjan]

Okay, I think a bit differentiation is in order here .

I'm aware of the fact that THC is vastly exaggerated in its effects. Nicotin is much more addictive, and alcohol is the much more dangerous drug. The differences in how they are dealt with are more politically motivated than anyting else.

This said, the use of THC or alcohol during driving should not be tolerated. Both drugs change perceptions and reaction times. They don't have any place in traffic.

Ending the relationship was the right thing to do. Someone who does not respect that his/her partner is subject to random drug tests clearly doesn't care for the partner. That's no valid basis for a relationship.

On the other hand, the move to call all police stations in the area sounds more like personally motivated than true care for the community. It reeks like some petty revenge out of bitterness to me, sorry. I'd suggest to look into the true motivation again.

 

[KenM]

So, we've agreed that public safety is not your motive here.

We don't agree, her actions, in my eyes, endangered me and is a public safety risk, thats why I asked her to stop. She did this a number of times.
So, if toinght, while driving drunk, she kills someone you care about, its all cool because I did not warn people about her? That makes it all better, right?

 

[Torm]

Just to clarify the position I stated earlier, when I said that Ken's logic may have been problematical, I meant that, ideally, he should have informed the authorities even while he was going out with her, but we are usually (and sometimes illogically) reluctant to subject people we are involved with to that. I did NOT mean that he shouldn't have after they broke up.

Not arguing with anyone in particular, just clarifying.

 

[diaglo]

Did I do the right thing?

you did and you didn't.

you should've been more upfront with her.

you should've told her. you ain't riding with her. and you are calling the cops if you see her do it.

if that wasn't enough to tip the balance. you shoulda dumped her sooner.

after waiting and watching her do it for "a number of times" you become an accessory to her activities.

sure you are doing the right thing now. but in truth it sounds more like sour grapes.